NEWS 04/10
17.05.2010
END OF SEASON
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A dramatic end of season has left us with some big shocks. The biggest team in Royal League history has fallen from the throne, as Northpark failed to avoid relegation.
Blackboys nearly took the treble in England, but their loss to Oakwell in the league cup final earlier this year, left them only with the double.
Beastham fought a brave finnishing of the season and ended second. This gives them a place in European Kings League for the first time.
Well done!
18.04.2010
ANOTHER SHOCK OF RETIREMENT
Everilla player Dieter Imwinkel left the Gomps with shocking news this evening. A call from Leight Knight Hospital in Wales could tell that Mr. Imwinkel had been in an accident, and had to be going through an operation. The injury was so bad that the football-career was unfortunately over for the poor fellow.
“What the hell was he doing in Wales?” was the only comment manager Watson uttered to the press. What kind of accident, and injury is not known, and speculations about criminal incidents has appeared.
18.01.2010
MIKKEL KROHN RETIRES FROM FOOTBALL!!!!!!
The shocking news hit the Everilla club-office as a tragedy this morning.
The 20 year old striker was injured in the FA cup match against Ramshackle early this month, but recovered quickly to play the replay match only a week later. He did not feel well on Saturday, and was sidelined in the match against Livernal. And unfortunately the injury came back on last nights training with severe pain, and Krohn was droven quickly to the hospital.
Early this morning, doctors could announce that the poor fellow had suffered from a broken spine, and nerve damage, that will never give him the chance to play football at a higher level again.
Soon after Krohn told the club that he then would retire to familylife. He has a wife, and a 1,5 year old son to take care of at home, and he looks forward to spend more time with them, despite his bright future as a footballer.
“It’s a shock to all of us”, director Pedersen said to the press. “He was so talented, and was an important part of our squad. It’s unbelieveabel that his glory days are allready over.”
It is said that Krohn might be moving back to Hønefoss in Norway.
05.11.2009
CARTER WILL FIGHT
Everilla star-striker H.Carter is ready to fight after clearing talks with manager N.S.Watson and chairman Pedersen. He answered his critics with a fine display and a goal against Kenton Endings. This will hopefully kickstart the forgotten striker who has had a very bad start to the season.
NORTHPARK CITY IN DEEP DOODOO
Northpark City is sinking. Third from bottom, no owners and a desperate manager that resigned even after winning a game! Scott Thompson: “I am finished. I can´t live my life the way it should be. I will not stay in football anymore. Maybe fishing is something for me …”, he said and started crying.
Attendance has dropped dramatically, and the average this season is only 23,401. And that in royal Leagues biggest stadium!
04.10.2009
MR.BØYLE STILL MISSING
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London police have successfully solved the case of the kidnapping of Stig Bøyle two weeks ago. The kidnappers was found in an old warehouse at the docks totally set off. From what we know, Stig Bøyle had escaped the kidnappers, and the whole ransom had been canceled. The kidnappers had an East European background, and have not revealed anything about who they worked for.
And no one have seen Stig Bøyle.
01.10.2009
DOUBLE TROUBLE FOR EVERILLA
Everilla will face consequences for crowd trouble in last weeks cup match against Foxham. RFA have stated that they have a full range of sanctions to choose from after both clubs failed to keep the fans behaviour at an acceptable level. Fans from both sides stormed the pitch and started a brawl like no one have seen in ages.
This could result in Everilla playing games at an empty stadium, or even loose points. The last case could send the champions from 2004/2005 down to division 3. Everilla are today struggling to get their points in division 2, and looks closer to be relegated, than promoted at the moment. Seen in a historical perspective, Everilla have never ended lower that number 7 in division 2, which was their first season in Royal League.
This season can be turned to a record low for the club.
RECORD FINE FOR CHAIRMAN BERGESEN
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Everilla chairman Anders Bergesen has been fined £500 000 for his roit after a game against Wilbury Argyle. Because he has put all his money into Everilla Wanderers, the club must pay the bill.
13.09.2009
STIG BØYLE KIDNAPPED!
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In the search for the truth about the “Holy Boot” journalist Stig Bøyle has been kidnapped.
Daily News recieved a letter saying:
“We will kill Mr. Bøyle unless pay 22 million pound and drop the “Holy Boot” case“.
It seems that Bøyle has come really close to the truth. Perhaps too close.
12.09.2009
BREAKING NEWS! EVERILLA DIRECTOR GOES RIOT
After title candidate Everilla Wanderers lost fully deserved against a club no one really knows (Wilbury Argyle), Wanderers owner and director Bergesen totally lost control.
OK, to be honest. Everilla was really bad on the day, and could have lost more if it wasn´t for a lucky Phillip Saxon in the goal. Wilbury hit the post and bar five times and also put a penalty kick wide of goal. But back to Bergesen. Straight after the referee had blown the whistle, Bergesen stood up, ran on to the pitch starting digging holes and tearing up grass. When the security came after him, he ran out of the stadium and into the streets of Ipswich where he continued his journey of riot.
Four hours later, police finally got him. By that time he had managed to break 43 shopwindows, beating up 3 Wilbury fans, stealing a TV and put fire on a local bus. The police found him urinating at the doorstep of the town church saying: “redrum, redrum, watson, redrum, watson redrum”.
He has been taken to jail and there might be a chance he will stay there for a while. It is not the first time Bergesen flips out …
Fellow director Pedersen will make no comment of the case.
01.09.2009
BLACKBOYS TOP
Blackboys who are topping the table after 5 rounds are looking very strong and is for sure a title candidate. Beastham and Goford are also enjoying a good start of the season.
ANGELS IN HELL
Northpark City is in crisis. They are on a relegation place after a horrible start to the season. The Arabian prince Ali Budgar is reported to have an offer accepted by the board, and will take over 75% over the shares this week. Manager Scott Thompson is safe until new owners have taken place, but he will need some astonishing results to keep the job. Also the fans are turning their back to the once dominating club in Britain. The supporter club is reduced by 47,5 % and many fans are going to D2 games to watch Skid City instead.
BORING EVERILLA
After an abysmal 1-1 home draw against poor Cannon Town (trashed 1-7 by Army this season), manager N.S.Watson is not happy with his strikers:
“A striker shall score goals! R.Mason (central defender) is our top scorer at the moment. That can´t be true!!! I will push the strikers this week with extra training and no one shall be safe.
AHHHHRG!”
19.08.2009
“IMPACT” BLOWER TO LEAVE ARMY?
Army’s high rated midfielder and England international Blower is being watched by several clubs from D1 and also from abroad. Current D1 leaders Goford are very interested to sign the player who scored an impressive four goals in yesterdays 7-1 thrashing of Cannon Town. But they will get competition from last years champions Axis City as well as Eifel Paris.
Blower himself says he is happy at Chain Lane, but is not willing to spend another year in D2 if Army fail to reach promotion this year. But we also know that national coach Howard Little says he might have to change club in order to figure in this years World Cup in Congo.
Asking price is to be around £8.000.000.
12.08.2009
HARRY HAMILTON APPOINTED
Harry Hamilton was a happy man today after signing a three year contract with Newborough. ” I think I can get the team to D1 this year”, he said. Hamilton is known for his “all out attack”-philosophy, so there might be entertainment around the corner.
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EVERILLA CONFIDENT
Everilla manager N.S.Watson is confident in front of todays league cup clash against Skid City. “We will win, we´re at home”, he said. This game could have been a cupfinal a couple of years ago. Now both teams are in D2.
11.08.2009
HARRY HAMILTON LINKED WITH NEWBOROUGH
Former Newsham manger Harry Hamilton has been in discussions with Newborough about a position as manager for “Boros”.
Dick Williams left his manager position this Saturday after a 1-7 defeat, and Newborough has been without manager the last days. Now they might have the replacement ready for tonights League Cup clash against Southsea.
09.08.2009
FIRST DAY ROUNDUP
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Division 1:
GOFORD TRASH NEWBOYS WORKING
Goford showed no mercy to promoted working. “4-0 was not big enough”, goford manager Magnus Tollefsrud said. His team dominated the whole 90 minutes, and created 12 good chances, leaving Working with only one shot on the goal. The Goford goalkeeper actually felt asleep at the goal post, and had to be waked up by Goford fans behind the goal.
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Elsewhere; only a 2-2 draw for champions Axis City, and runners up Blackboys drew away against Beastham.
Division 2:
STALEMATE IN HATE BATTLE
Livernal and Everilla drew in the first game of the season at Anbury.
In a hostile atmosphere, Livernal took the lead in the 51st minute. A cornerkick got to Ugo Meki’s head and found its way in the angle. The whole stadium exploded, and Livernal owner Sören Klype was shown doing strange sexual movements in his VIP lounge. Until then both teams played with their heart, and was more concerned with stopping each other than creating chances. After the goal Everilla stepped up, and pushed Livernal back. In the 61st minute they got and penalty after John Stark was tripped in the box. Giacomo De Liso stepped up, but it was saved by the Livernal goalkeeper. Now it was manager Swordfight´s turn to celebrate, showing his Livernal tattoo on the butt to the Everilla bench. But N.S.Watsons boys kept on playing football, and in the 66th minute Gerry Heafield scored a great goal to make it 1-1.
All in all a fair result, but Everilla could have snatched the victory with a good second half performance.
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Newborough was trashed 1-7 at home by Kenton Endings, the biggest surprise this Saturday, which left manager Dick Williams wordless.
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Also Claysen United was trashed. 5-0 away to Wilbury Argyle is not a sight of happier days for the sleeping giant.
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Penny United started their campaign to reach the top division with a perfect 2-0 victory against Prolix Home. Manager Krec Kvelovic was a stoneface both during, and after, the game. He made no comments or interviews to the press.
Division 3:
WIMBLEBY 5-0
Wimbleby showed a great display and won by five goals against a harmful Loveford. Loveford manager Jacquline Melody said: ” I thought our new flower pattern shirts would make us successful. I will now chance the strip into purple hearts”. Wimbleby manager Tor Gunnar Veivelling said: “We were very good in the overganger, and created many sjanser. Spesielt in the backroom of their defense. But we have to take the overganger even better the next game”. Oh God, these boring Norwegians …
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Barton Villa wants to win promotion this season, but was surprised by a offensive Chelbourne at home. 0-3 does not look like championship- prospects, but the season is long. man of the match, Chelbourne striker Wim vanDeers (24) with a hattrick.
03.08.2009
HATE BUILD UP
The season in D2 starts this weekend where the once great teams of Livernal and Everilla meets at Anbury.
The game has been sold out for weeks. That means 48.000 spectators in pink and white. No Everilla fan got a ticket, due to “safety” reasons as written on Livernals website.
Everilla manager N.S.Watson knows better: “This is a typical livernal action. And it comes all the way from the top”, he said. Livernal owner Sören Klype hates Everilla ever since he was ditched as a sponsor in Everillas glory days. He has officially stated that he will do anything to destroy Everilla, and some people speculate that he wanted to get relegation so the two sides could meet face to face this season.
02.08.2009
PRE-SEASON RESULTS
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Woolvich County – Livernal 2-0
Axis City – Villa Melona 1-3
Newborough – Blackboys 0-3
Dedham County – Weston Palace 1-3
Southsea – Sverrurvik 1-0
Hardham United – Foxham 1-2
Lutham Forest – Working 2-0
Prolix Home – Dunton United 0-0
22.07.2009
ROYAL LEAGUE DROP
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Due to the stop in big signings in Royal League and the departure of many big names, the league drops two places in the interkontinent league ranking (ILR). This also meens that the RFA will get less money from the World Football Assiciation (WFA) this season.
We asked the RFA general secretary, Sir Sebastian Taylor for an answer.
“I think the loss of Northpark City at the top of the table and the suddenly relegation of many strong traditional teams like Skid City, Everilla Wan. and Livernal and the florish of smaller clubs with less money at the top is the reason for this”. ” The best European players wants to play at big competitive clubs, not for smaller clubs like Axis City”, he said.
Here is the new ranking (Top 5):
1. Germany (3 european titles)
2. Spain (2)
3. France (2)
4. England (1) (drops two places)
5. Italy
17.07.2009
SOME FRIENDLY RESULTS
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Newsham – Northpark City 2-0
Penny United – Tigers 1-0
Quickford – Stonecastle 1-0
Albion Rovers – AS Udinus 0-2
Blackboys – Real Naranja 1-3
Oxham Rovers – Goford 1-1
Notvery Athletic – Skid City 0-1
Heilheim – Loveford 3-0
Axis City – Lilleborg 2-0
Army – Oakwell Forest 2-1
Sillyham Lowlanders – Turret Exit 0-2
15.07.2009
PRE-SEASON LATEST
Oakwell Forest and Manston City claim to be two the coming season challenger to the title.
Both teams have been counting on routine from Kins League play, when they’ve hired new managers. Oakwell Forest have brought in Louis Paparazzi from Juvepoli (ITA), in their chase for glory, while Manston City have turned to Holland and made a lucrative deal with former NSB Inhabil manager Niklas Velder.
The news of these signings brought riots in both lands football associations, as they where hot candidates to their respective countries to coach the National team.
Rumors speculate in an European Mafia-league dealing the whole operation. Director Hainz Kake Knugelfügel in Oakwell laughs at the stories, and told the press that there where nothing more going on than he wanted his club to win something this year.
While his club prepare the season in stormy weather at the Scottish west coast, Knugelfügel was only reachable by phone for 5 minutes for his comment, in his new Italian villa near Rome.
Some believe in signing new managers and players, while others believe in hard work.
Newly relegated Livernal surprised everyone tonight when they trashed last year champion, Axis City 4-1 in a friendly.
Manager Ron Swordfight was extremely happy with the result and sent a message to his former employer, Everilla, which they will face in the seasons opening game: “We’ll eat ya!”.
03.07.2009
PLAYERS TRANSFERED ABROAD
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During the last month, many great names have left England to serve other European clubs.
Northpark City who struggled heavily last season had to let starplayer R.Clampfart leave to AS Udinus. But they’ll benefit from a £8,5 mill payment, and should easily find a new keyplayer in their midfield.
Also Dedham County who was relegated had to unload some of their starplayers. The Brazilian centerback Josatinus was transfered to Real Naranja in a £5 mill deal.
Second division side Everilla Wanderers have sold Igor Voldinok to last year Prince League champion Stuttcke 08 in Germany, and David Butthead to Villa Melona in Spain.
RFA have announced their concernes for Royal League loosing many great names, and that the quality of the league will drop compared to the other great leagues in Europe.
01.07.2009
EVERILLA SIGN SPECIAL SPONSOR DEAL WITH GENEWOOL
Today Everilla director put pen to paper to the two year deal with the Norwegian company genewool. The Everilla players have to take part of a scientific experiment with the use of wool from the company´s “homegrown” genesheep. And all Everillas training gear is made of the same material.
“This is the most interesting deal in Everillas history”, Bergesen said holding a champagne bottle. “It will take us back where we belong”, he followed before he slowly fell a sleep.
14.05.2009
SEASONAL VIEW
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Axis City won this seasons title with a lot of “fun to watch” football. With 80 goals scored they surely had the most dangerous attack in the league. Last year champion Blackboys was the only serious challenger this season, but in the last weeks it came clear that they were never a threat to the brilliant Axis side. Oxham, Albion, Oakwell and Beastham are happy to find themselves in the European competition next season along with Axis City and Blackboys.
The once so great Northpark City ended at last in 18th place. A great disaster to the club, and a bad situation for many players in the squad who expected the club to aim for the title. Manager Scott Thompson is said to have an unsure future in Manchester.
Livernal are one of 10 teams to inhabit the top division since year 2000, but this season put an end to that record. Livernal meets the relegation with heavy heart along with Southsea and Dedham County.
There’s a lot brighter mood in Bristol, where their team Quickford have handled all oppositions in division 2 extremely well, leaving them at the top of the table with a 7 point gap to Working and Southpool. All three teams will be seen in division 1 next season. It’s the first time for the last two mentioned, and the fans are clearly nervous. Southpool did nearly relegate last season, and Working came up from division 3, so this is quite a surprise.
Last year relegated Everilla Wanderers came fourth, and failed to promote as expected. With a strong team built on players belonging in the top division, we could be witnessing a lot of players moving away in front of the next season.
In the other end of the table, Westhampton had a terrible season, being relegated. The team came down from the top division after the 06/07-season, and was expected to soon climb back up. Instead they struggled a bit last season, and made an even poorer performance this season, leaving themselves ready for play in division 3 next season. Manager Ted Taggart could be unemployed this summer. Westhampton are companioned by Ramshackle and Wainscot, which didn’t came as a surprise to many.
In division 3, Upholster, Penny United and Kidding East have won promotion. Penny United, who was promoted from League 8 last season, did already back then proclaimed themselves as a serious threat to all teams in Royal League. With their rich Slovenian owners, and an 11 000 seater stadium they aimed for division 2. Now they might build a new stadium and buy some more players to prepare for the top division in few years.
Worsted City on the other hand can not claim a thing with their economy. They were penalized 30 points in front of the season because of their economy and illegal transfers, and was never really left a chance this season. They drop down to League 8, and switches place with Gunwall who promoted back to division 3 after winning League 8 with ease.
29.04.2009
WORKING THEIR WAY UP
Working was seen as a born to be a 3.division team only two seasons ago. But with a 17th place in the 05/06 season, and 16th place in the 06/07, director Muzzi Maratsi took a grip of the situation, and hired former Weston Palace manager Gary Penance. And with him came promotion to division 2 last season. But the good work did not end there, and this season Penance brought the workers up to the top division. An amazing performance from the hard workers in Workington have brought them glory under the leadership of Gare Penance. And his name might turn up on the list of wanted managers in other great clubs in Royal League.
22.04.2009
AXIS CITY GRABS THE TITLE
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With only two league matches left, it looks like Axis City can claim the title. 6 points ahead with a 10 goal better difference from chasing Blackboys, there can only be a change if the Axers looses both their last matches heavily.
In the other end it’s no hope for Dedham County, who will find themselves in division 2 next season.
In division 2, Quickford can celebrate promotion together with Working. The third team seem to be a battle between Southpool, Hardham and Everilla.
03.04.2009
THE SEASON COMES CLOSER TO AN END
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We’re writing April at the moment, and the end of season is closing in very soon.
Axis City have a great grip on the title at the moment, with Blackboys battling their way right behind.
In the other end of the table, poor Dedham County seem to be following their sisterclub to the lower division system.
In division 2, Quickford and Working seem to be chasing the title and win promotion. Hardham United, Southpool, Everilla and Newborough seem to be battle for the last promotion place.
Westhampton seem to be unable to stay out of the relegation zone, and might be companioned by Wilbury and Ramshackle.
In division 3, Upholster have had a great season, and seem to be champions of the division, but they are still chased by many teams. One of the biggest surprises are Penny United, who was promoted from League 8 last season, and now have a great opportunity to win promotion to division 2.
In the other end, Worsted City are hoping to win more points to climb above Thimbleton, to avoid relegation. If they manage, it will be a great sensation, since they were penalized 30 points at the beginning of the season.
30.03.2009
OLD GOODINAUX IN TRAGIC STATE
Renovation has been the great subject at Everilla clubhouse lately. A big part of Goodinaux Park has been closed due to renovation. But yesterday came the shocking news after the RFA inspection. 5000 seats need to be closed permanently until rebuild. The RFA report said that “this part of the stadium smells like cowshit, and we counted 20 big happy rats on our inspection”.
Everilla are having their happy hour on the field at the moment, with 8 games a row without loosing. But they have surely neglected the comfort for their fans at the stadium.
“Ehh…. No money, no renovation” was the only comment from security boss Steve Screech at Goodinaux.
Perhaps promotion can fix the problems for the club.
04.02.2009
HEAVY SNOW POSTPONED MATCHES
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“It’s difficult to arrange a game of football in 20 inches of snow”, was yesterdays comment from RFA spokesperson Speach Less.
Most of the games in England had to be postponed due to the latest fall of heavy snow.
In Preston, the Cannon Town players shuffled snow from the ground as a part of their training. They were supposed to play against Everilla Wanderers, who was stucked in Stafford with no transportation leaving the town. But there were no way a game could be played at The Armory anyway.
Chuck Brown
Daily News
28.01.2009
EVERILLA ROCKS AGAIN!
With three victories in a row and with great football, N.S.Watsons team are really turning on the heat to reach promotion. With five points to the 3rd place anything is possible. Chairman Bergesen who heavily criticized manager Watson said: “Eh, I still think N.S.Watson is the right man for Everilla. But we still want to play D1 next season, and promotion has to be reached this season”. New signings H.Carter and J.Steel are still to blossom in the Everilla jersey, while Heafield and De Liso are having a good spell on top in the absence of shooting star Mikkel Krohn who is injured. And that’s a good thing. Everilla directors decided yesterday that all transfer activity will be stopped till April. Reports says that owners Bergesen and Pedersen have lost millions due to the worldwide financial crises.
12.01.2009
BERGESEN ATTACKS WATSON
After Everillas 0-2 defeat at home to Pearl Ham this weekend, director Bergesen and manager N.S.Watson had a fight at the press conference Everything started when Bergesen criticized Watsons substitutions during the match. “Even my dead grandmother wouldn’t do that”, he said. Watson turned red and answered: “But a alcoholic pimp, or what?!”. On second later Bergesen hung around his neck trying to bite him. Press people had to get them away form each other before serious injuries could occour.
Everilla director Pedersen explains the situation: “There’s a lot of emotion around here. They both want success for the club. Eh, and now, well we’re playing bad, but it will turn. Eh, I am sure of that?!”. Pedersen is really the main figure to hold the place together after Everillas season is turning out to be another horror-movie
N.S.Watson was sent to the Canary Islands to clear his mind. He will though return for the next match. Pedersen has taken Bergesen with him to their hometown Svene to sort things out.
The rats are leaving the ship.
09.01.2009
EVERILLA BOSS BERGESEN DEMANDS PROMOTION
Everilla boss Bergesen said told on the TV-show Sports & Nipples that Everilla “have to get promotion this year”. Everilla have signed some really big stars this season, which many D1 clubs could dream of. “We have made everything possible for the manager to succeed. Carter, Winter and Steel are among the best players in Britain and would start on any team in this country. Now the manager and his team has to deliver. We expect promotion straight away”.
Everillas surprising exit in the FA-cup left only one competition to fight for. “We have a far better team on paper as last season”, Bergesen said. “After a quite good start to the season we have been poor the last 6 games. This is not acceptable!”. Manager N.S.Watson is now feeling the pressure form his bosses. “They have told me to get us promotion. That is all what counts. We have had a mixed half of the season. It takes time for so many new players to establish. But I have calculated with this. 2009 will be our year!”, Watson said on the phone.
Rumors are saying that Bergesen will kick out Watson and get more experience in the manager chair, while follow director Pedersen will keep Watson until further. It seems that the Everilla-circus have waken up from the sleep.
MONEYMAKER SELLS NORTHPARK CITY
“I have had enough”. Five words and the shortest press-conference in history. Midas Moneymaker will sell his beloved(?) Northpark City after a decade of glorious moments. The billionaire leaves the club after loosing millions due to the last years disappointing results. The new owner is yet unknown. Report says that Moneymaker will spend more time in his new castle in Aspen, Colorado to get things sorted for a possible return to English football.
Northpark is currently 18th in the league.
SØREN KLYPE WITH NEW IDEAS
Livernal director Søren Klype is now more possessed with the idea to destroy Everilla Wanderers than to NOT destroy his own team. Livernal players have been doing a commercial where they cut up Everilla puppets in a butchers freezing chamber. The puppets filled with real bloody meat and organs is being cut and torn with chainsaws, knives and samuraiswords.
The players suffered from freezing damage and all caught the cold after hours in the chamber only in the Livernal teamstrip. Manager Swordfight had to use youthplayers to get a team on the pitch. He also had to play himself and even got a goal from the penalty spot.
08.01.2009
LATEST NEWS
Goford was the strongest side in yesterdays League Cup Semifinals and have made themselves a great opportunity to reach the final with a 5-0 victory against Oxham Rovers. Both teams are racing for the important european cup qualifying places in the league, where Axis City seems to have a great hold on the title.
Northpark City are still having a rough time, placed only as number 18 in the league and out for a replay in the FA Cup against poor second division side Exway Rovers. If this continues, it could mean that players will be tempted to move away from the club.
In second division, Everilla have made themselves a club with expectations from British football, signing one star after another. With former national players Butthead, Phillips and Winter allready in the squad, H.Carter and J.Steel also joined the forces on Newyears day. Promotion is now expected.
In division three, Kidding East are having the time of their lives at the top of the table. Beeing a club who always have struggled not to be to far down in the division, “the bridlers” are now sailing ahead with big enthusiasm.
10.12.2008
FAX MARCUS FOR DEBUT
Everillas U-19 striker Fax Marcus is set for a surprise debut against Claysen United. Due to Mikkel Krohns horror injury on training today and with several strikers off form, manager Watson goes for 17 year old Marcus. “He’s young but also has extreme pace and good finishing abilities”, he said.
HEAFIELD WITH TRANSFER REQUEST
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Due to the surprise call up for youngster Marcus. Gerry Heafield handed in a transfer request today. “I don’t want to stay here anymore. I hope to leave in January”. No clubs are reported to be interested in the off form striker with a price tag around 500.000 pound.
07.12.2008
BERGESEN WORRIED
Everilla has had a dip in form the recent weeks, and director Bergesen is worried. “We can’t slip up now. There are 5-6 teams that fight for promotion, and we really have to show some form over Christmas. We have had only 3 clean sheets this season, so the defense has to be stabilized. I will call my good old friend Rune Brakkstokken, the best defensive coach in Norway. Maybe he can get the job don”, he said angry. Everilla manager N.S.Watson handled the indirect criticism with ease. “I know Mr. Bergesen is upset with the current results, but I can assure you that after Christmas. we will be in the top three. Everything is going according to my plan”, he told us.
Even with defensive problems, Watson has strengthen the attack. Former Everilla hero H.Carter will arrive at Goodinaux after a record 7,5 mill signing from Real Naranja. “I wanted to play in England again, and the only club I will play for is Everilla, even in D2.”, he said.
Exciting times in Stafford. Everilla have shown some good football this season, but are far away from the consistency acquired to win promotion.
05.12.2008
MONEYMAKER TO SELL WRECKED CLUB?
The fall of the great Northpark City, the most dominating club in Royal League history was marked with an embarrassing defeat to the new promoted Southsea in the League cup quarterfinals. The appointment of Scott Thompson hasn’t helped much, and it looks like the club are sinking, much the same way as Everilla Wanderers have.
Now rumors say director Midas Moneymaker is fed up and will sell the club as soon as possible. Arabian investor are reported to be interested to pay the asking price of one billion pounds. Although Northpark have the biggest and most modern stadium in Britain, fans have chosen other things to do on a Saturday. With only a 32.456 average and 59.000 seats to fill, Northpark is way behind the budget of an 52.000 average. Norbert Norman, Skid City’s supporter boss: “I am not surprised at all. They only show up when they’re winning. Skid City supporters are made of the real thing”. Skid City – the traditional club in Manchester now struggling in D2 has an average of 34.502. More than their rich neighbors.
11.11.2008
ROYAL LEAGUE CUP
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4th round of the Royal Leaguecup has been played.
Last year champion and newly promoted Southsea, is still going strong with a 2-1 win against Woolvich County. Northpark City and Stonecastle are also through to the next round after extra time and penalties.
Perhaps the most spectacular result came at The Zoo in London, where Tigers totally trashed Bedford Atletic with a 4-0 win. Midfielder “Banana” Todd and fullback Jack Daniels had an extremely great performance that surely lifted some eyebrows on many scouts.
Everilla was sent out of the competition by one of their former players, Warren Wrexter, during extra time play. Everilla who aims for promotion from division 2, played at equal level with a number 8th division 1 side, Newsham. The game could easily had gone the other way at a fullseated Goodinaux Park.
05.11.2008
THOMPSON SIGNS FOR NORTHPARK CITY
Finally after a long spell without manager, owner Midas Moneymaker could finally present his choice of manager.
“Scott Thompson is one of the best in the business. He did a good job at Goford and for Venezuela, and will fit perfect for the clubs ambitions”, he told the press.
Thompson is regarded to be a tacktical genius, but is also known for his defensive playingstyle, something the Northpark faithfulls are not used to. However maybe Mr. Moneymaker has accepted that the club is in a dangerous situation after dominating the British football for nearly a decade. Last years 6th place was a huge disapointment and with a huge new-expanded stadium to fill (59.000) only wins will count.
“I think I will be able to get the club on the right track”, Thompson said. “But we have to invest in new players”. On top of his list is Everilla-winger Freilurvson. “This diamant should not play in D2”, he said. Other players who might find their way to the colloseum is Real Naranjas H.Carter and S.Hatpik from Livernal.
Other News:
* Newsham manager Marc Schergel was seen drunk in Londons Westend. Reports said he was talking to a mirror in a well-known disco. “We’ll kill Everilla ….schupius … they have no chance. We’ll win the cupsh….”
* Star reporter Stig Bøyle has travelled to India to search for traces of the Golden Boot. He will visit the famous library of Hadin Rashid, a man who have collected millions of books form acient times. Roumers says he also have some books saved from the Alexandra Library which burned down a loooong time a go.
* Everilla director Anders Bergesen has started to collect butterflies in order to get a grip of his money wasting. He lost 200.000 pounds on gambling last weekend. Fellow director Pedersen has taken control of Everillas complete financial matters.
27.10.2008
EVERILLA TIES UP ICELANDIC SUPERTALENT
Everilla directors Pedersen and Bergesen along with manager N.S.Watson made youngster Freilurvson sign a improved 2-years contract. The contract includes a non-promotional clause. That means he can leave Everilla for 2,5 million in case they don’t win promotion this season. freilurvson have been Everillas best player this season after getting a last minute contract in preseason after playing for N.Kings U-19 side. Everilla have had problems to keep their talents. McHail left for Heilheim and Whiteford for Northpark City the last couple of seasons. Many D1 teams are reported to be interested in the Icelandic winger.
15.10.2008
THE BOYS ARE BLACK IN TOWN
No doubt Blackboys again race for the title.
The Niggers seems stronger than ever, and have build a great force during the summer and the first weeks of the season.
With their 2-2 draw against Udinus in Kings League, everyone is referring to Blackboys as a great champion.
And with success comes changes maybe. Manager Steve Reeves and director Shitty is now opening to buy white people to the team. “We can’t be racists all the way,” Shitty said to Daily News. “The strong black blood runs deep in our veins, but a few white players are good enough to be playing in Blackboys, and we can’t afford to always turn them down because their white.”
So maybe we’ll see a white fellow on Nigger Road next season.
01.10.2008
SCOTT THOMPSON FOR NORTHPARK?
In a short interview with RadioTen, Northpark director Midas Moneymaker said that the club was going for the best man to fill the manager chair. Both national coach Howard Little, and former Goford manager and Venezuela coach, Scott Thompson was mentioned as “nice names to have in the book”.
At the moment U-19 coach Lucas Lushim has taken the caretaker role at the club, and everyone agrees that it’s not the best solution.
Changes will soon be made.
22.09.2008
NORSE FORCE PIMP EVERILLA TO THE TOP!
After a strong 2-0 victory over 4th place Pearl Ham, Everilla is now 3rd in D2.
This was achieved from two outstanding no-names, Icelander Freilurvson the last teammember to join the squad form the youthteam and Norwegian Mikkel Krohn who was signed for change money form a Norwegian second division team this summer. They ruled the pitch each scoring a goal.
A proud manager N.S.Watson: “This was a unbelievable game from the two youngsters. They are a symbol for the new Everilla and will surely start the next game”.
At last Mr. Watson is happy to have found a strikerpartner to the Russian Voldinok. The only two places which hasn’t worked so well this season are in goal and in the central defense. “We have to do something there”, Watson insists. They great play form Freilurvson and Krohn hasn’t gone unnoticed. Freilurvson is reported to being followed closely by D1-club Blackboys and Stonecastle. Krohn might be called up for Norway’s friendly against Tanzania this week by manager Aage Sturbeide.
25.08.2008
NORTHPARK SACKS MANAGER
After just three games of the new season, Northpark City’s new manager Pierre Saint gets the sack! A record in Royal League.
With 0-1 at home against Livernal and only 1 point out of three games, owner Midas Moneymaker got bad. “This French guy is nothing! I’ll never appoint a French manager again! Frogs!”, he said on the pressconference.
Caretaker manager Willy Styleby might get the job if he succeeds in the next games.
10.08.2008
THE SEASON KICKS OFF
—–
The new season started yesterday to a great celebration for many.
Dixton Town went straight on top of division 1 after hammering Oakwell Forest down. The biggest surprise came from newly promoted Woolvich, who managed to beat Northpark City at their fortress Colosseum in Manchester.
Pierre Saint was totally stunned after the game. “When I took charge of this team, I thought it was one of the biggest team in Europe…. not a bunch of crappy losers,” he said angrily.
In division 3, Loveford made the greatest call for celebration after trashing Thimbleton 6-0. Female manager Jaqueline Melody celebrated the victory by going shopping-bersherk in a makeup-store nearby.
08.08.2008
WILLINGWALL LOOSES POINTS
Just two days after the dreadful news about Worsted City, the same story turns up again in Northampton. This time it’s Willingwall Sunday that’s penalized 14 points for economic disorder.
The RFA says that it’s sad that professional clubs not are able to control their economy, and it’s the players that looses in the end.
06.08.2008
WORST CASE FOR WORSTED
Division 3 club, Worsted City has been fined 30 points in front of the season.
The fine has been brought upon them after the RFA found economical errors, and illegal transfer-actions from last season.
The huge penalty could mean that Worsted City will relegate and drop out of the league system after this season, unless they they play like hell and wins a lot of games.
Both director Sish Kebab and manager Droven Mawlips have been kicked out from the club with a message not to be seen in Reading ever again, due to this scandal.
Howard Hailing will replace the manager, and the great investor Shane Turbinator from Northsea Production will be taking place at the boards of directors.
12.07.2008
EVERILLA STARTS OVER AGAIN
—–
After a nightmare season which ended with relegation to D2, Everilla staff and players look for a new start. With old hero N.S.Waston at charge with other true Everillians in the staff, they aim to bounce straight back to D1. “We wanted to start over with new players who are hungry to succeed”, Watson explained. Therefore he sold out 8 players including England international McHail, the Russian starplayer Vladivar, former topscorer Holzhauer, and tricky winger Locoloco to Newsham on a 1 year loan. “We wanted to keep McHail, but when Heilheim made a 8,5 mill offer we couldn’t say no”.
On the other hand Watson bought unknown players to Goodinaux who will, according to him, fit perfect in his system. Angus MacIlvan, central defender will play alongside Headstone in the heart of defence, MacIlvan is known to be the most dirty player in the division system, up alongside the badest player of all time, Tigers William Toughnut, who scared strikers in the early nineties.
Gian Piero Barreca came in a 2,5mill deal from Newborough and can play both in defence and midfield. Igor Voldinok came from Russian Tsjernobyl for 3,1 mill with a impressive scoring rate of 102 goals in 113 matches. He will be the targetman up front and showed impressive skills against Skid City in the Hola Hola cup this week.
Other players who have arrived is Mikkel Krohn, a quick striker from Norwegian second div. team Hønebekk FK. Gerry Heafield (striker) from Ramshackle (450k). Kenny Pringle central defender from Westhampton for £700K. Gavin Bloodwall (17) and Gordon Dean might be offered contracts, but this will be decided after the Svolvær cup in two weeks.
Veteran G.G. Webb are still a part of the coaching staff, and surprisingly J.R.Phillips have signed a new 1 year contract.
“We will end our careers with a promotion!”, they said proud in the Everilla pub during the Euro 2008 finals.
Directors Pedersen and Bergesen, not very popular with the fans after last seasons relegation told our newspaper: “It will be a tough challenge to bounce strait back to D1, but we will manage it, We have a good mixtuer of old and young, so this will go our way this year”.
…….Hmm, have we heard something like this before???……
Everilla has also started an investigation of Søren Klype and Ex. manager Swordfight. Pedersen and Bergesen belive that Klype instructed Swordfight to stear Everilla straight to hell, which he also managed. “This is why we only have people that we have known for a long time in the important positions”, Pedersen said. “A new Everilla will rise like the Phenix from the asches”, Bergesen said at the end of the press conference. If it can find its way out, that is.
11.07.2008
HOLA HOLA CUP 2008
—–
This years Hola Hola Cup was taken home by Stonecastle. They showed great strength at the bumpy lane at Hola Hola.
Here are all the results:
Group 1
Skid City – Everilla Wan. 1-2 (SC:Butcher, EW:Headstone,Voldinok)
Stonecastle – Maiden Utd. 2-0 (ST:Pl.10,Pl.20)
Everilla Wan. – Stonecastle 0-1 (S:Pl.9)
Maiden Utd. – Skid City 2-1 (MU:Dickinson,Birch, SC:Chang)
Everilla Wan. – Maiden Utd. 0-3 (MU:McBrain,Great,Dickinson)
Stonecastle – Skid City 3-0 (S:Pl.13,Pl.9,Pl.19)
Group 2
Promulgate – Tigers 0-3 (T:Webster,Pl.9,Daniels)
Claysen Utd. – Newsham 0-1 (N:Samba)
Tigers – Claysen Utd. 2- 0 (T:Bumpinwall, Sawer)
Newsham – Promulgate 2-2 (N:Ramos,Omashinov. P:Pl.4,Traxter)
Tigers – Newsham 2-2 (T:Shaggert,Webster, N:Gardner,Neill)
Claysen Utd. – Promulgate 1-2 (CU:Pl.5, P:Wilsome,Pl.15)
Semifinals
Stonecastle – Newsham 2-1 aet (S:Pl.16,Vladivar, N:Samba)
Tigers – Maiden Utd 2-1 (T:Shaggert,Quinston, MU:Trooper)
Bronzefinal
Newsham – Maiden Utd 4-0 (N:Ramos,Davies(2),Levis)
Final
Stonecastle – Tigers 1-0 (S:Dogville)
30.06.2008
SPAIN GRAB EURO 2008 TROPHY
—–
Spain didn’t left England a chance in yesterdays final, and could proudly raise the Euro 2008 trophy.
England manager Howard Little is still satisfied with the results of this competition.
“I think we showed the world that we will be a team to count on in the World Cup 2010”, he said with a satisfied smile on his face. “The lads I brought to this competition have impressed me, and I guess it will be hard for anyone to reach the level of this squad in the near future.”
This could mean that there will be minor chances to the England squad when qualifiers start this fall.
29.06.2008
EURO 2008 FINAL
ENGLAND – SPAIN
Matchreport
25.06.2008
EURO 2008
England play semi final against Greece
Matchreport
19.06.2008
EURO 2008
England play quarter final against Portugal
Matchreport
17.06.2008
EURO 2008
Austria – England
Matchreport
13.06.2008
EURO 2008
Germany – England
Matchreport
09.06.2008
EURO 2008
England – Romania
Matchreport
06.06.2008
EURO 2008
—–
With Euro 2008 kicking off this weekend, Daily News will be covering the event with updated results on an extra webpage. Just click “Euro 2008” in the menu, and you will get a wiew of the groups, matches, dates and results as they start to finish games.
England is presented in group C, and will face Romania in their first game June 9th. A full match report will follow each of Englands games.
Howard Little has called for a chance in the last minutte. David Butthead is surprisingly not joining the England squad, and is replaced by the promising midfielder Phil Lying. The 21 year old midfielder has had an outstanding season in Promulgate and might be in many clubs attention this summer.
We whish England good luck!
02.06.2008
NORTHPARK CITY SIGN FRENCH WONDERBOY AS MANAGER
Diva Northpark City have signed Eifel Paris sucessful manager Pierre Saint as manager for the next 5 years. He won the Princes League and the French double last season, and will get over 50 mill for strengthen the squad after the dismissal season (6th) this year. “I will bring glory and baguettes back to Northpark City”, he wrote on his homepage.
21.05.2008
LATEST NEWS
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NORTHPARK CITY: May want to lure Blackboys winning manager Steve Reeves to the Colosseum.
LIVERNAL: Director Sören Klype will give manager Ron Swordfight 20 million to splash out on players.
ALBION ROVERS are interested in Axis Citys unsettled striker Jason Bigcock (26). The surprise team of the season will invest i 3-4 new players according to manager Jock Day.
NEWSHAM owner Pling Peng Pung might sell the club this summer. After several years in charge friends says he want to invest his money in the chinese duck industry.
EVERILLAS D. Butthead will stay at the club despite playing in the 2. division. He accepted a basic wage drop of 25%, but will have the chance to get more bonuses.
STONECASTLE is in for Everillas youngstar McHail who plyed a good season at Goodinaux Park and making his debut in the national team. Roumers say Everilla will let him go if someone splash out 7. million for him.
OXHAM ROVERS T.Funkham will move. The striker wants to move to a bigger club and a bigger city with good discoteches. His favorite city is Manchester or London.
VILLA MELONAS B.Payton might want to come back to England. Livernal might be intrested to meet the askingprice of 6.250.000.
SOUTHPOOL U21-striker Scott Young will leave the club. The talented player had a clause in his contract making it possible to sign him for 1.000.000 if Southpool did not get promotion. Southpool finished on a dissipointing 20th place in D2. Young was the topscorer with 16 goals.
17.05.2008
FANTASTIC ARMY!
—–
The FA cup final turned to be a much more even game, despite that Northpark City was everyone’s favourite, and said to already have won the game. Army from division 2 should have no chance.
When the teams went to half time with a goalless draw, many got second thoughts. Neither Northpark nor Army, did create much of a chance, and people start to believe there would be no goals this day.
But the second half came with a much more aggressive Northpark team. And in the 60th minute goalkeeper T.Whiteford came on a run on a freekick, the way he is known for…. and headed home 1-0.
But Army responded immediately, and played themselves through the Northpark defence to find the net and equalize. 1-1.
They then pulled back and defended against a massive Northpark control.
The Nigerian international midfielder Saobar Agoni lost his head in the last minute of the game. The Northpark player was pulled down by Army player Bill McFalgar, and ran after to go in with a two-foot tackle with a scream: “KILL BILL”.
The referee had no choose but to send him off, while he clearly struggled not to burst out in laughter.
With 1-1 at full time, Northpark had to play the extra time with only 10 men. And that seemed to be the little extra Army needed to grab the trophy. They controlled the extra time completely. Midfielder D.R.Page scored after 95 minutes with a superb overhead kick. And only five minutes later winger M.Moore found the net, but was disallowed for an offside.
Northpark looked rather lousy out there, and the match ended 2-1 to Army.
A great season for Division 2 it has been, with both Southsea and Army winning cup finals after extra time, to everyone’s surprise.
15.05.2008
EUROPEAN PRINCES LEAGUE FINAL
—–
It was a fantastic drama at Anbury yesterday between Eifel Paris and Madridas.
The European Princes League final contained all the excitement a final should have.
With 2-2 at full time, the game went to extra time, with both teams scoring one each. Neither of the teams would give in, and the game had to be settled after penalties.
Finally Eifel Paris pulled it of, to once more raise the trophy.
But the crowd made standing ovations for both teams, for giving them such an entertaining evening.
14.05.2008
JOHN ROSS SACKED
Northpark City manager John Ross was today sacked by his board of directors. The club finished 6th this year, and did not make it to the European Kings League. “Not acceptable” was director Midas Moneymaker’s statement to the press.
This means Northpark City will play the FA Cup final without a manager this Saturday.
John Ross didn’t seemed happy with the situation. “I’ve been in this club for so many years. Blood, sweat and tears has been spilled. So many triumphs!… But I won’t be without a job for too long.” he said rushing out.
He is probably right, as many clubs would love to get his signature on the paper.
13.05.2008
PROMOTIONS AND RELEGATIONS
—–
Blackboys took the neccesary points in the last league round, and could raise the trophy this year. And here is the promotions and relegations between the divisions:
Relegated from division 1:
Everilla Wanderers
Lutham Forest
Quickfors
Promoted from division 2:
Woolvich County
Foxham
Southsea
Relegated from division 2:
Westward Yesterday
Dedham Town
Wimbleby
Promoted from division 3:
Covenham
Exway Rovers
Working
Relegated from division 3:
Gunwall
Promoted from League 8:
Penny United
Notvery Athletic is replaced by Millhampton in League 8
03.05.2008
THE LAST BATTLE
—–
Tomorrow it will be settled; who will be the champions, and who will be relegated.
At the top either Blackboys or Stonecastle will claim this years trophy to big surprise for many. Most people thought Northpark City would in this battle, but they lost track somewhere in the last part of the season, and are finding themselves at a 5th place. Along with Bedford Athletic, Maiden City, Dixton Town, and Goford they’re battling for a place in next years European cup.
At the bottom we find Quickford and Lutham Forest already relegated, but no less than 5 teams will battle tomorrow to avoid the last relegation place. Weston Palace, Tigers, Newsham, Everilla Wanderers and Manston City can all risk the economic crises a relegation can be, and will be fighting with all it takes to avoid it.
It will be the judgment day.
Tomorrow!
23.04.2008
OFFENSIVE EVERILLA
Everilla prepare to the most important match in their history. Goodinaux Park is sold out. And due to the enormous interest for the game, no tickets was left for raveling Newsham fans. 2000 policemen are on duty when the teams meet on Saturday. Everilla has trained on a secret training ground somewhere in Wales all week, and will return to Goodinaux on Friday to do some set pieces. “We have some new tricks on set pieces”, manager N.S.Watson said.
Newsham is also preparing, and rumors says that the paperboys manager Marc Schergel is doing a very strange training program this week. “I will say nothing”, he told us on the phone with strange cow-sounds in the background. This will be a clash between two teams that used to be at the top of Royal League football. Now their both fighting to survive.
21.04.2008
NEWSHAM WILL FIGHT
After the defeat against Weston Palace everyone is disappointed in Newsham very much, but the team of Marc Schergel is already in the middle of the preparation against Everilla.
“We will nearly kill ourselves there to get necessary three points. My team will give everything and cannot be stuck on from the unfairness of the Everilla team”, said Marc Schergel to Daily News
EVERILLA WIN AS KLYPE GOES RAMPANT
With a surprising victory over rivals Livernal, Everilla only need a victory against Newsham to stay in div.1. Ivan Vladivar got the only goal in a rather nervous game after Livernal-keeper Jose Clombino fumbled a cross from Everilla midfielder Lightboot. “Clombino is now up for sale!!!”, Livernal director and owner Sören Klype said while destroying the TV-crews videotapes and microphones. Everilla manager N.S.Watson was delighted with the victory. “We was very solid, and R.Mason was man of the match!”, he said. “But we have to concentrate on the match against Newsham. We often loose the next game after a victory, and we can’t afford to do that now”, he warns. Newsham need a victory against Everilla after loosing to Weston Palace in a dreadful game this weekend. If Newsham manager has a plan to stop Everilla? We’ll see …
17.04.2008
NEWSHAM WILL DROP DOWN
—–
That is if we are to believe Everilla-caretaker N.S.Watson.
“I think they are too inexperienced, with too many young players who hasn’t got hair on their balls”, he said. “I think they will loose against Weston Palace and against us. And three points out of the last three games will no be enough”.
As for Lutham Forest and Quickford there are no hope. They are already down with 3 matches to go.
16.04.2008
2x SURPRISE
———————-
In the final three week in the most spectacular League season ever, two teams who no one knew can win the title.
Albion Rovers, which have not finished in the top half before are two points behind Blackboys. The team from Liverpool has the second best defense in the league (only beaten by struggling Everilla Wanderers!!!), and with starstriker Tommy Thomson banging in goals, the end of the season might be fantastic. Rovers has taken over as Liverpool’s leading team after being in the shadow of Claysen United, and with former Beastham-boss Jock Day, the team has a bright future.
Promulgate’s first taste of top-football was last season after winning the second division title two years ago. Manager Gordon Setter, the youngest manager in the entire league (29 years), told the Daily News that “the first season will be hard, but if we survive, we will surprise a lot of people”. And sure they did. With new training methods and computer analyses Promulgate is the high-tech team in the Royal League. All the players are under 25 years old, and all of the are British. “This has nothing to do with racism, out computer had analyzed the whole club, from our training facilities to the coffe cups, and one conclusion was to only invest in British player.”, Mr. Setter said. “Although we have a small stadium, there are no fans that are so fanatic like ours”.
Although Promulgates chances to win the title are small (3 points behind), the computer has made its predict: they will be number 2 this season.
14.04.2008
EVERILLA SINK! ROSS GETS ULTIMATUM!
After a dreadful home game against relegated Quickford (1-1), Everilla now need to win at least two of the last three games of the season to prevent the drop. Newsham who play at home against Oxham Rovers has a perfect chance to go three points clear of Everilla. Another team that also struggle is Tigers with only one point above Newsham and Everilla. Everilla caretaker boss said. “We now need to consentrate on the Livernal and Newsham game. Against Stonecastle we will have no chance”.
At the top of the table, life is also unsure, particulary for Northpark boss Jon Ross. Chairman Midas Moneymaker has given him an ultimatum: Win the title or get the sack! Nothpark have together with Albion Rovers, Promulgate, Blackboys and Stonecastle to win it, in the greatest run in of all time. Blackboys has the best chances if they win their game in hand, but everything is possible.
10.04.2008
EVERILLA DIRECTOR IN TROUBLE
The Director of Everilla, Anders Bergesen, was led yesterday by several policemen from a scene brothel,
because he began the ladies to insult. Has he for the moment nothing more important to do?
He should save the crew from the descent.
BERGESEN HIT BACK
—–
The fight has begun.
Earlier today Newsham manager Marc Schergel used dirty German methods to unsure Everilla fans and players before the two teams meet in the ultimate showdown in two weeks time. Schergel called the Daily News stating that Bergesen was insulting several ladies in front of a brothel.
But his German accent made our news editors put the pieces togehter. “Schergel’s act is right there at the bottom, just as his team will be after the season”, Bergesen said. Although that Everilla is currently on a relegation place one point ahead of Newsham. Bergesen and Pedersen will not be at Goodinaux Park this weekend to attend the game against bottomclub Quickford. They will be on vacation in Berlin and Tallin. “We have full confidence in N.S.Watson and his team”, they said.
09.04.2008
NEWSHAM LATEST
4 play day before end of the season Marc Schergel is confident that its team Newsham will not descend.
“We have now 4 final games and I and my team everything for the fact will do that we hold the class – we will tear up.”
For the region it is important that this young crew holds the league. We will see…
27.03.2008
BRILLIANT ENGLAND
Despite all odds, England won 2-0 against France, and nearly every newcomer played well.
Man of match was no doubt J.Steel who fought bravely in the defense, and scored a spectacular goal with an overhead kick.
This caused many judging experts to eat their critics and instead hail Howard Little for the genuine coach he is.
25.03.2008
CALL UP FOR INTERNATIONAL FRIENDLY
Howard Little has chosen the first eleven against France tomorrow with a couple of surprises.
Starting eleven:
B.Stopshot
J.Steel – W.McHail – P.Cramble – L.A.Martyn
L.R.Lindsay – M.Blower – D.Butthead – D.Wratchild
T.Funkman – S.Steeptower
In his comment to the press, Little says he has been thinking a lot this time, and wants to use this game to give International experience to many players. Only Steel and McHail is left from his squad last game. Although it might be a shiny star in this squad, most experts have shaken their heads in disbelieve.
Both Stopshot and Blower are brought in from division 2. Butthead does not play matches in Everilla, and resigned from International football a year ago, but is back. And with all the other newcomers, most people think unrest and insecurity will be the result of this.
France should have no problems beating this team.
17.03.2008
BREAKING NEWS!!!!!
SWORDFIGHT SIGN FOR LIVERNAL!!!!
And now this!!!! Just two hours after getting sacked by Everilla. Livernal director and Everilla-hater Søren Klype presented Swordfight as their new manager. Swordfight who played for the Livernal Youth, finally get the chance to manage the club he loves. “This is what Livernal means to me!”, he said pulling down his pants showing the Livernal badge tattooed on his butt cheak. “He did a great job at Everilla, and now he will bring us glory”, Klype said with a tricky smile on his face. Livernal are also fearing the drop, and manager Ted Taggert had to leave for Swordfight. Livernal play Everilla on the 19th of April, a game which can seal their fate.
17.03.2008
BREAKING NEWS!
SWORDFIGHT GETS THE SACK!
Allthough Everilla outplayed and beat Championship contenders Blackboys at Nigger Road, Manager Swordfight had to go. Lots of rumors was saying Swordfight had lost control in the recent weeks, with Everilla heroes N.S.Watson, N.King and J.R.Phillips picking the team. Everilla director Pedersen confirm: ” That’s right. The last two matches Wastson, King and Phillips was in charge. We had to do something. Swordfight wasn’t doing his job. Actually as he wanted Butthead to be captain, we sensed that something was terribly wrong. I really don’t know what he was up to, his behavior was so strange. Swordfight himself said only this: “You have not seen what I am capable of”. In the end. The Everilla trio will work as caretakers rest of this season, and Pedersen and Bergesen will search for the right manager in the summer-break
14.03.2008
THE END OF EVERILLA?
After last weeks 0-1 defeat to Manston City, Everilla is now in the relegation zone with two more games played as Newsham, their closest Rivals.
There are hard times for Everilla-boss Swordfight. He does not give any interviews and does not talk to the players, insiders have told the Daily News. Everilla-directors Bergesen and Pedersen are both confused and not able to make any decisions to steer the sinking ship out of troubled waters. With 7 games to go, it should be hope for Everilla, but there are some indications against it. First of all, Everilla draw way to many games or loose them, second all the other troubled teams are in brilliant form. Third, Everilla hardly beat other low-positioned teams, but can on a good day beat Northpark.
In retrospective, to kick Stuart McFist was a big mistake. Swordfight has had no impact on the team, and voices are saying that N.S.Watson is picking the team, if not Bergesen and Pedersen themselves. The only chance to save Everilla is to get rid of Swordfight and pray.
Opening hours of Everilla team church are daily from 9 am to 6 pm. Please bring some money to donate.
27.02.2008
TEDDINGTON PENALISE EXWAY
In the Royal Trophy Cup final, Teddington had completely control of the game. Exway Rovers looked like a womens youth team compared to “The Teddies” this night.
But the way the goals came was a bit unexpected. Exway defender G.Frintley had a really bad day at work. After 30 minuttes he brought down a player in the box, and Teddington scored on a penalty. And in the second half, after 70 minuttes of play, he did it again! Teddington once again scored from the spot.
After 80 minuttes the whole stadium watched in shock and disbelieve, as G.Frintley once again brought down a player in the box and awarded Teddington their 3rd penalty of the game.
This time “The Teddies” missed. But G.Frintley had allready ruined the game and was substituted straight ahead.
Teddington proudly raised the first trophy of this competition.
Chuck Brown
Daily News
24.02.2008
SOUTHSEA GRABS TITLE
The League Cup Final this year, clearly contained two nervous teams. Southsea was awarded a penalty in the first minute of the game, but it was saved by a brilliant Lutham-keeper.
After that the game fell into something that looked like a nervous breakdown for both teams, and it went to extra time with no stories to tell.
But with extra time, the 2nd division side Southsea, waked up and started a heavy attacking form of football. They scored 2 goals in the first extra time half, and took the 1st division side Lutham by big surprise.
Southsea grabbed their first trophy ever, and have a great success under former Claysen manager Kid Cox. The team is placed 4th in division 2, and look good enough to reach the top division by the end of the season.
Tim Bigfish
Daily News
06.02.2008
ENGLAND WITH FULL CONTROL
A poor Swiss side didn’t put up a big challenge for England this night. England on the other hand, did not converted their chances into goals.
Switzerland was awarded a penalty early in the game, and shocked everyone by leading 1-0 after only 3 minutes.
England responded with a Barry Payton overheadkick that made the crowd go wild, followed by a Jerry Steel solo-raid to turn the match to their favor.
The second half did not contain any great play from either sides, and England controlled their 2-1 lead until the end.
28.01.2008
KENTON ENDINGS STRIKER HITS 4 TO BREAK STONECASTLE
Stonecastle, currently forth in division one was blown up by second division side Kenton Endings 5-1 in the 3rd round of the FA Cup this weekend. Four-goals striker Alex Hitmann, was like a bunker-buster-bomb making his way through Stoncastles thick walls to blow the whole thing up form inside. He was on target already after 2 minutes after a dreadful error by Stoncastles new centerback signing Pierre Dogville. The French international which they had to pay 7 mill. pounds to Eifel Paris, misjudges a deep ball from Endings-midfielder Harry Highhat. The rest was easy for Hitmann.
In the 39th minutes Endings went up 2-0 after a free kick. Goalscorer was defender Clay Livermore. Stonecastle pulled one back at just before half-time after an own goal by Endings midfielder Barry Blinder. He looped the ball over Endings keeper Chris Thompson.
For the second half Blinder was substituted with the 17 year old talent Richard Forrington. He assisted striker Hitmann to his second half hattrick. What Stonecastle boss “King Arthur” will say about this game is as unknown as his real name and face …
26.01.2008
EVERILLA INVEST IN NEW PLAYERS
Everilla invested in two new players in front of this weekend. Sören Hakkeböff, Danish international goalkeeper, and Azzir Brutalis, a Turkish midfielder, joined the squad to hopefully bring some expertise to the team.
In addition to these two players, Brian Headstone have joined the squad from the U19-team. Headstone is a defender at the age of 17, and is said to be a hot prospect for the future. “He might be another McHail”, said N.King to Daily News. The Everilla Youth Academy have surely found some defensive talents after King took the role as a youth-coach.
23.01.2008
LUTHAM PULLED IT OF
Lutham Forest kept their ease against Prolix Home and won 1-0 in the League Cup semifinal second leg. This will bring Lutham to their third cup-final in history. Last year they reached the FA cup final, but lost to the third division side, Carstone, to everyone’s surprise.
Their first was the FA cup final in 2005, where they won 4-0 after extra time against Oakwell Forest. And this off course stands as their greatest moment ever.
16.01.2008
FIRST ROYAL TROPHY FINAL SET
—–
So it’s finally set; the first Royal Trophy Final will be played between Exway Rovers and Teddington. Both third division sides are proud to be climbing this far in the competition, and hopes to finally bring home a trophy.
08.01.2008
FORMER EVERILLA STAFF FINDS NEW JOBS
—–
It came clear this evening that former Everilla-boss Stuart McFist is taking over the manager chair in Pearl Ham. “Pearl Ham is going to reach promotion this season, so it’s a challenge to meet the best teams again next season” said an extremely confident McFist to Daily News.
Also former Everilla assistant Justin Case has taken the step to the manager-chair. He signed for Dedham Town yesterday, and seem very happy with his new role. His first task will be to avoid relegation for “The Dead”.
19.12.2007
ROYAL LEAGUE CUP QUARTER FINALS
—–
The quarter final round in this evenings Royal League Cup didn’t go easy on the 1st division sides.
Favorite Bedford let down their fans in the last 10 minutes of the game, when they failed to score a penalty, and conceded a Southpool-goal in the last minute.
Dedham County had the play most of the time in their game, but failed to score. Even when Westhampton was down to 10 men in the first half, they never found the way to goal. Instead “The Westers” relied on their ability to counter attack, and scored 2 nice goals.
Oxham Rovers wasn’t left a chance when they met an outstanding Prolix Home team tonight. “The Lions” controlled the game all the way, and got themselves a comfortable 3-0 victory.
Lutham Forest is the only team left from the top division, after beating Newsham 2-0.
This means we’ll have at least one division 2 side in this season’s Royal League Cup Final.
14.12.2007
SWORDFIGHT WITH A BRILLIANT IDEA
Everillas disappeared manger Ron Swordfight returned today, and with him he had a brilliant idea: Everillas goalkeeper-coach and former player G.G.Webb will put on the jersey again, if it fits him that is. “Due to our last defeats I locked myself away in a remote cabin and analyzed the games with the newest technology and methods. If found out that our keepers suddenly have had a dip in form both physically and mentally.
This was adopted to the other players. G.G. is still an outstanding keeper who can read the play very well. Will will win the next match, for sure”, Swordfight said.
13.12.2007
EVERILLA MANAGER MISSING
—–
After Everilla’s 3-1 defeat to Dixton Town, Everilla manager Ron Swordfight did not show up for training yesterday. No one have seen him after the match. “We’re trying to find him right now. I know he wanted to visit a friend that evening”, director Bergesen said. To the news of Swordfight’s Livernal-connections he told us: “I know he played for the Livernal Youth teams years ago, but I’ve actually seen his buttcheak and there’s no tattoo on it”.
Tattoo or not. Everilla is in deep trouble at the end of the table. Other teams like Dawdle Crown is starting to pick up points, and with a busy Christmas coming in, Everilla strikers should consider to do their job, and start scoring goals. Their top scorer is Ivan Vladivar and he’s a central defender.
05.12.2007
EURO 2008 – GROUP DRAW
—–
Yesterday the Euro 2008 Group draw took place.
England will have to face Romania, Austria and Germany before they hopefully can move on to the quarterfinal.
“This wasn’t a bad group to be a member of” said England coach Howard Little. And he surely is right if we look onto group B, wich contains Netherlands, Italy, France and Poland. It will also be a couple of interesting games in the other two groups where Spain will face Portugal, and Norway will face Sweden.
It’s today 185 days to the competition starts.
Here’s the groups:
| Group A | Group B | Group C | Group D |
| Croatia | Netherlands | England | Switzerland |
| Czech Republic | Italy | Romania | Greece |
| Spain | France | Austria | Norway |
| Portugal | Poland | Germany | Sweden |
04.12.2007
SARID OROMAN HITS SEVEN AGAINST SORRY SPARROWS
—–
In a 3 division match between Exway Rovers and Sparrow Rovers, Exway striker and Saudi international Sarid Oroman scored seven goals, a new Royal League record as Exway won 7-0. But the most remarkable thing was that they all came from headers. This might turn the interest on the 24 year old striker from several higher league clubs. With these goals his tally for the season raised to 22 goals in 17 games, not a bad record!
DEDHAM TOWN SACK REDKNAPP
—–
Director Gavin Killroy announced yesterday that former Livernal manager Ian Redknapp have to leave the club. The former div. 1 team is rock bottom in div. 2 with only 12 points so far.
League 8 manager Tom Doll from Crushington are favorite to gain the position after he had a row with his father and director jim Doll over pocketmoney. “I would cirtainly fin a Dedham Town uffer intiristing” he wrote on his webpage. Rumors also say that former Everilla manager Stuart McFist might be a candidate for the vacant position.
NERVOUS NORTHPARK CITY
——
After only one win in six game, the idyllic scenarios at the begin of the season begin to faint. Voices are saying Jon Ross days might be over at The Colosseum. His team is still top of the league, but Blackboys are only one point behind. The director Midas Moneymaker has not been seen for the last 4 weeks. Mr. Moneymaker is known for his bad temper and spontaneous decisions when things go wrong. On the other hand the rebuilding of Colosseum has begun, so to the begin of next season Northpark will have the biggest stadium in Royal League.
30.11.2007
EVERILLA SIGN SUPERSTAR BUTTHEAD
The days of surprise is not gone. Yesterday Everilla manager Swordfight and Directors Bergesen and Pedersen proudly presented a new Everilla-player.
The star midfielder David Butthead from the Spanish champions Real Naranja.
Butthead has played 49 times for England and want to add to that number after being out in the cold form the national team the last year. “I wanted to come back to England after several years in Spain. Everilla is a club which in a few years will be back in the top, and their offer was not too refuse”, he said.
“Butthead is known for his eminent passing skills. He is the perfect attacking midfielder with an eye for goals”, manager Swordfight said. “He will replace J.R.Phillips when he retires this summer, but it was very important to bring him in now. He’s not played regular the last weeks in Spain, and need to adjust his game to the English standards”.
Butthead will be the best paid Everilla-player ever with several salarybonuses. “He will be worth every penny”, director Pedersen said. “We got him for 5 mill., and the fee will raise to 6,5 mill after 50 games. If so he will be our record signing”.
The only strange thing about this transfer was that Everilla was the only team come up with a bid. Lots of teams in this country would be able to afford a player like this when Everilla could do it!
21.11.2007
MCHAIL SAVES ENGLAND
England needed 1 point against Croatia to qualify for EURO 2008.
And they did, thanks to Everilla youngster Warren McHail. The 17-years old came on at the beginning of the second half, and immediately ran up and scored a goal with an amazing overhead-kick to equalize the Croatian lead. And 20 minutes later he brought England in the lead with an awesome long-shot. Croatia hit back in the last minute and ended the game 2-2, but that was enough to bring England to the EURO 2008. McHail received standing ovations from the crowd when the team left the field after the game. No doubt he cast a valuable spell on himself this evening, bringing all European clubs attention on him. Everilla will surely be forced to fight hard if they want to keep him now.
15.11.2007
RIOTS IN LONDON DERBY
vs.
After the game between Tigers and Blackboys a couple of hundred fans beat the hell out of eachother in the Tigers-pub: Tigergutt Pub in Westlondon. Blackboys trashed Tigers 4-0 later that afternoon and some fans went to the pub to provoke a riot. 65 people was injured and the pub was totally destroyed.
13.11.2007
CALLS UP FOR ENGLAND SQUAD
—–
Today England coach Howard Little picked his squad for the international friendly against Austria this Friday, and the Euro qualifier against Croatia next Wednesday.
The biggest surprise came when he threw out W.Alder, and brought inn Everilla defender W.McHail.
McHail is born in Stafford, England, but is a member of the Scottish McHail-clan, and is only 17 years old. “He has recently played great in the Everilla defence, and the fact that Everilla is the team with the lowest conceded goals in the league should tell us that he needs a chance”, said Little in an interview. Still he’s expected to be placed on the bench.
Someone will also react to the fact that G.N.Clarke was thrown out to make room for Dixton Town player J.Steel.
R.Gregory and G.Spittingwell is also brought back in the squad, and will be of great strength along with Barry Payton from Villa Melona. Payton has recently been great in the Spanish-sides midfield, and believes to be on the run at the moment.
Here’s 20 lucky men:
1.G.Spittingwell – 2.N.Dudd – 3.K.Clone – 4.A.Seymore – 5.P.Cramble – 6.W.McHail – 7.R.Shaw – 8.R.Clampfart – 9.E.Blowen – 10.E.Kemp – 11.H.Lindsay – 12.R.Brattwax – 13.J.Harkson – 14.A.Mailey – 15.B.Payton – 16.J.Steel – 17.S.Sleasy – 18.R.Gregory – 19.H.Carter – 20.J.Sandman
26.10.2007
SÖREN KLYPE TAKES CONTROL OVER LIVERNAL
Sören Klype, the Danish businessman, and well-known Everilla-hater have paid out Livernal director and owner Harry Rush to take complete control over Livernal FC. “I paid an extra 10 million to get the deal done before the Everilla game! I want to crush them in the first match as owner”, he laughed. Mr. Klype paid 240 million pounds to get his hands on the club he’s been sponsoring since Everilla directors Pedersen and Bergesen kicked him out of Everilla to a much better offer from Nike. It says Klype is ready to splash out 35 million on new players when the transfer-window opens in January. “I want to be the best team in Britain. But the most important thing is to win the games against Everilla”, he said with spit running from his mouth. The future of manager Ted Taggert is unsure. “Much depends on the result on Saturday”, Klype said.
25.10.2007
BREAKING NEWS!!!!
EVERILLA SIGN RON SWORDFIGHT AS MANAGER
Just 24 hours after giving Stuart McFist a kick in where it hurts, Everilla directors called in to a press conference
to present the new manager. 2.div.-side manager Ron Swordfight, an unknown figure in the Royal League shall
bring the glory days back to Everilla. “He has a clear vision of football. He will play offensive passing-game football, the way
we want at Everilla”, director Bergesen said proudly. “He’s one of the biggest talents in the game”.
Swordfight have turned Pearl Ham into a top team in 2. div. after three seasons in charge. “I know how I will play, and what players I need”, he told the press.
Everilla boss Pedersen said: “We will also get new people around the manager. J.R.Phillips will be his player-assistant. N.S.Watson will be a first team coach”.
The new manager will also get money to spend. Players who will fit his 3-4-3 passing system. There is a big question of the future of Everilla-striker Udo Holzhauer who was
central in McFist longball-style. Also the fullbacks at the club might look around for other clubs. “We will analyze the current Squad and see what changes we’ll have to do when the transfer-window opens in January. No one is safe!”, Pedersen said. That means the transfer of Big John Worchester, keeper of Claysen United might be canceled.
The Everilla-supporters reacted positive but also unsure about the new signing. “Good to get rid of McFist. Anything but him will be an improvement”, fans said.
Everilla-bosses Bergesen and Pedersen did not really have a choice but to sack McFist with the fans turning against them. They did, and came up with a surprising solution, but also a great gamble to appoint a novice with actually no merits on his shirt. If this is going to turn the luck for Everilla or get them stuck in the sump only time will tell. The homegame against Livernal will be crucial for the moral and pride of the club with Xmas closing in.
24.10.2007
EVERILLA MANAGER MCFIST AXED
Everilla directors Bergesen and Pedersen have fired their manager Stuart McFist. He was not in charge of the training this morning, and will fly back to Scotland this evening to consider further steps to his career. “Everilla is history” he said. Bergesen and Pedersen was under huge pressure, also from the loyal Everilla fans who wanted to boycott the next home game against rivals Livernal.
“We have decided to get some new blood in the manager-chair. The team was playing awful this season. We can’t torture the fans any longer. J.R.Phillips will take over as a care-taking manager with help from Bergesen personally on the bench”, Pedersen told us. “We might get a new manager this week, but most likely next week”. McFists assistant Justin Case was also fired. “J.R.Phillips has the chance to prove himself as a caretaker, he is a manager-prospect”, Pedersen said with a shaky voice.
But who will go to Everilla these days? Most likely some no name 3. division coach or maybe they will be lucky at Tobago again?
12.10.2007
ONE IN THE FACE FOR O’LOYES
After Claysen United manager Mavid O’Loyes hit out on Everilla, Everilla director Anders Bergesen hits back. “O’Loyes sure did win two titles, but it was his assistant at the time, James Hardman, who was the brain behind everything. O’Loyes was more a media-figure, an that’s why we appointed him. You can actually describe him as the Ronald Reagan of football. More like a funny talking doll, than a manager. It works the same way at Claysen United; he just do the talking. The Claysen-director Jacob Dollar called me to ask me about O’Loyes qualities. I said to him, if you want to sign him, make sure you’ll get the best assistant in the game, then it will work…. which it had so far”.
To Sören Klype allogations, Bergesen said: “He’s just a sorry pick-pocket criminal … He’s the type of guy who always was chosen at last when they picked footballteams as kids”.
10.10.2007
FIRST GOALS FOR NOTVERY ATHLETIC
In the Trophy Cup, Notvery Athletic manager Peer Moris Hegh was delighted that his team finally scored a goal this season. In the first leg victory against 3 div. side Gunwall, Midfielder Peter Wolferine scored both goals in the second half. Strangely enough, he was hit twice by a Gunwallplayer who tried to clear the ball out of the danger zone. “We hope Peter will be OK to the next League 8-game. He suffered a broken nose on the first goal, and sore balls on the second”, Hegh said. The second goal hit Wolferine were it hurts, and then rolled into the net. His new nickname is now “Aunt Peter”.
O`LOYES AND KLYPE O JOIN FORCES?
Claysen United have had a perfect start to the season. Although they was fined 10 points at the start of the season, they’re only 6 points behind the leaders Blackwell City. “I want to take Claysen back were they belong”, O’Loyes said. “Next year I will crush Everilla, and laugh at Pedersen and Bergesen who fired me two years ago. I hate Everilla, and will do anything to destroy the club!”, said the manager who led Everilla to two championships in a row.
Rumors also says the the well known Everilla-hater Sören Klype, the Danish business man and main sponsor of Livernal, might bring up the cash needed to buy BOTH Claysen United an Livernal and melt them together to a new footballing power. When we called Mr. Klype he told us: “You can write that I hate Everilla, and that I will use my life to get them down to League 8, where they belong!!!”.
NORTHPARK CITY TO IMPROVE THE COLOSSEUM
The best team in the country, Northpark City will also have the best Stadium. They have now got green light to increase the capacity from 45100 to 59000. This will make it even bigger than Blackboys Nigger Road in London. Building will start in March this year. That reduces the capacity to 31000 for the rest of the season. “We will win the league anyway”, manager Jon Ross said, before starting up this blue and white Lamborghini.
CROWN GET PSYCHO
Due to the bad start of the season, Dawdle Crown manager Ian Bully, gets help from the gipsy Horlina Kornakusa to hypnotize his players. “I think we’ll have a good chance to beat Dixton Town this weekend”, he said with a weird look on his face.
09.10.2007
ENGLAND SQUAD
—–
England-manager Howard Wilkinson has done some changes to his squad that will face Estonia and Russia the coming week. These games are particularly important, and some of the players have not been playing to their full potential lately.
The changes involves R.Brattwax from Oxham, that replaces G.Spittingwell. J.Harkson from Blackboys is called up to replace S.Gayle. W.Alder from Claysen United is the big surprise that will replace J.Winter. S.Sleasy and S.Hatpick, both from Livernal, will replace M.Birch and O.Counter.
These changes will hopefully give England two victories, and a place in the Euro 2008 competition.
“Claysen United have been outstanding in division 2 so far this season, and W.Alder is probably one of Britain’s best defender at the moment,” was Wilkinson’s comment on his pick of defender for his squad.
Besides that, throwing G.Spittingwell out was the biggest surprise. The goalie has been a first selection in the team for a long time. “Well… He’s still on my mind. But with Whiteford continuing his great development, and Brattwaxs’ great performance lately, I’m looking forward to see what these lads can manage on a higher level,” Wilkinson said.
Tim Bigfish
Daily News
05.10.2007
EVERILLA LAUGH AT NEWSHAM
Justus Northeast, Daily News
This weekend Everilla travel to London to play Newsham with their new manager Marc Schergel.
“I think Newsham suits us in terms of style. They try to play football, even if they don’t have the right players for it”,
Everilla manager McFist said. “The new manager is a novice, and was lucky to win two games, but now he will
experience the normalmality, defeat. I think Newsham’s going to have a hard time to avoid relegating this year and
with tha bounce of pub-players they have, it’s going to be even harder. They would really need something like the holy Boot to survive!”,
McFist said followed by laughter.
A surprise in Everilla’s lineup was that T.Downs replace U.Holzhauer as a striker. “Udo didn’t play well last game, and i thing the speed of Downs will cause Newsham all kinds of problems”, McFist explained. ” But I could also put in my grandmother, and she would get a goal against that team!”.
Everilla has quite a good record away against Newsham: won 3, draw 2, lost 2. But this year Everilla have shown poor football and lots of draws.
So if you visit the bookmaker, go for a draw. 0-0 most likley.
Everillas line up (4-3-3) vs Newsham:
Kirby // Koll – McHail – Vladivar – Triantafyllou // Kristiansen – Phillips (c) – Day // DeLiso – Downs – Locoloco
03.10.2007
THE MYSTERY OF THE HOLY BOOT
—–
After a long time in exile, I’m now fit again to give you some more information about the holy boot, the relict that (probably) makes you predict football results.
Yesterday four teams of the Royal League became a photo showing a strange man wearing only one football boot. The managers of Everilla, Tigers, Blackboys and Livernal all got a copy of the same photo. No note was left, only the photo itself.
After going through the archive of Royal League I found some strange data about the club Bushpark, original founded by the guru Ombala Gurdino from Bahamas in the late 60s. They made a remarkable run through the divisions and into the Royal League. Then the guru lost his interest in football and left the club. They got relegated, and the year after, in 1987 they was spilt up into two teams playing pub football. Which two teams is unknown, but Bushpark is certainly history. The ground Liane Lane, was turned into flats in 1991. The old guru, now in the 70s, if he’s still alive, was reported to have lived in Italy for a few years before the tracks of him stops.
There has been some mysterious things going on in the Royal League as well Here is a list of suspects:
1. Everilla Wanderers: after winning the league two years in a row. The Wandereres has now been turned into a relegation-team. Also the strange acts of work from directors Pedersen and Bergesen is not left unnoticed.
2. Skid City: Although they were relegated last year, they have close connections to the dictator of Hola Hola, who uses corruption and violence to receive his goals.
3. Carstone: Winning the FA-Cup as a 3rd div. team, beating four first div. sides on their way. They also got promotion, and are now in the top in division two.
4. Northpark City: Simply the best team in Royal League. But they do have the best players as well.
5. Foxham: Foxham paid the now dead referee Damian Dingo to fix a few games in Royal League, so Foxham would have the advantage in their battle for survival in the top division. Dingo was found dead after Everilla lost 0-2 against Southpool in the FA-cup last year. The words: “I know who’s got the …” was written in blood in the bathroom. The mystery who killed him is unsolved. Papers found in referee Damian Dingos apartment connects the old Rome and Julius Caesar to the Holy Boot. This have made many loosing interest in this relic, since the story now seem to be to fantastic to believe. Experts still find it interesting, and tries to prove that the relic has been in hand of Caesar, and later found here in England.
6. Dunton United (SCO): Manager Tom McCoist is known for making a normal mainstream player to a superplayer in the shortest period of time. Dunton United also went all the way to the final of last years Princess League, fully unexpected. McCoist is also Everilla-boss McFists best friend.
7. Goford: Goford as “The Beholder of The Boot”. Their club-logo contains a boot, and no one knows why. Also they are the oldest club in Royal League, and have never played in a lower division. They also won the league last year.
These are only some of the loose treads. No real evidence has been found, but maybe information about the lost footballclub Bushpark and their director can be a useful direction to search in.
If anyone have ANY information, please send me an e-mail. I have made this job to my life-assignment. I want justice for all in the Royal League. The Holy boot must be destroyed!
Stig Bøyle
Daily News
02.10.2007
SHOCKING RESULTS IN KINGS LEAGUE
—–
The European Kings League was played this evening with some stunning results.
Last year champion Heilheim, found themselves struggeling against Garry from Ireland, and finally lost 1-0. Juvepoli on the other hand, had a match to remember when they trashed Madridas 5-1 at home. These results brings Heilheim to the bottom of the table, and causes unrest in the club.
01.10.2007
HAPPY NEWSHAM-MANAGER
After the game against Maiden United, Marc Schergel was so happy and said to the tv stations:”All you can ask for is that my team work extremly hard in the last week and they have done that in this game. But from now on, we concentrate us for the next game in Manchester against Northpark City. This is not an easy place to play, but we would like to win”
He was seen smiling alot that evening.
But can he avoid relegation this season?
Stig Bøyle
Daily News
29.09.2007
NEWSHAM RISES WITH NEW MANAGER
Newsham have signed German Marc Schergel as their new manager, and suddenly start winning.
Their two last games in the league, and their effort in the League Cup this week have resulted in victories.
The paperboys may have a bright future ahead, but still have mountains to climb before they get away from the relegation zone.
26.09.2007
THE ROYAL F.A. PRESENTS ROYAL TROPHY CUP
—–
The League 8 teams have long been missing some extra actions during their season. This is about to change with Royal Trophy Cup (RTC).
This is a new cup competition for League 8 teams, and 3rd division teams.
All the 32 teams will be drawn into the cup from Round 1, and play knockout rounds with the same basic rules as The Royal League Cup.
This will hopefully bring glory and honor, not to forget interests, to the lower divisions as well.
Draw and fixtures for this cup will be presented later.
25.09.2007
LEAGUE CUP SURPRISES
—–
There were a few stunning results in The Royal League Cup this evening.
Maiden United and Axis City both lost to a 3rd division side. And Northpark City surprisingly lost to Prolix Home from division 2.
Last year champion Bedford Athletic managed a victory after extra time against the poor 3rd division side Worsted City.
Check all the results at our League Cup pages.
20.09.2007
CARSTONE WINS IN EUROPE
The first groupmatches in the European cups has been played. 2nd division side Carstone played their first European match ever home to Vanjax. And to everyones surprise they won 1-0, with keeper Johan Richardson rated with a 10 in every newspaper. The Swedish international had an awesome game in goal, and never allowed the dangerous Vanjax-strikers to score.
The Carstone-fans was all extatic after the game, and Manager Adrian Eastender was nearly moved to tears, and told the press that this had to be his greatest moment in life.
So far the club has been doing good in Royal League as well, and looks like they would go for promotion this season. That would no doubt be a memorable moment as well.
Tim Bigfish
Daily News
18.09.2007
NEWSHAM MANAGER GETS THE SACK
After the sixth defeat in six games, Director Pling Peng Pung lost patience with his manager Harry Hamilton. “He was more interested in fast cars than managing a football team. I hope we can turn our season around with a new face in the manager chair”, he said.
Newsham’s record in the Royal League is a good one. 9th place two years ago was the lowest position since the start of the royal league.
00/01: 7th
01/02: 2nd > FA-cup winner!
02/03: 4th
03/04: 6th
04/05: 6th
05/06: 9th
06/07: 8th
But who will save them?
At this point the club will work with Ian McBadtemper as a caretaker. McBadtemper is Newsham U19 coach, and second cousin to Everilla-manager Stuart McFist.
13.09.2007
THE HOLY BOOT COVER OPERATION
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There’s been a while since we all heard latest news about The Holy Boot. No doubt the reasons are people working to protect the secret about the reliq. We’ve lost two messengers during the summer, working with reports about The Holy Boot. Noone knows where they’ve gone. I’ve personly began to dig up information to find out more about the boot. Last seasons Royal League results came up with no answer to which club who could possess it. And the thought that someone outside the world of football might have a hold of it these days, have haunted me by night. If The Holy Boot can give a person the ability to forsee a result, it would be a powerful tool in the hands of a bookmaker. Another theory has pointed out Goford as “The Beholder of The Boot”. Their club-logo contains a boot, and noone knows why. Also they are the oldest club in Royal League, and have never played in a lower division. I’ll report more news about this as soon as I know anything.
Stig Bøyle
Daily News
11.09.2007
DAILY NEWS IN NEW LOCATIONS
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Finally we have moved to a new location with better facilities. Once again we can keep track of everything in Royal League, and give you the latest news and transfers.
27.08.2007
EVERILLA SIGNS ITALIAN STRIKER
During last week Everilla and Lilleborg was in negotiations about W.Poppings and Giacomo De Liso. The clubs finally made an agreement after a lot of local Norwegian drinks, and a big brawl at the pub “Andys” in Oslo.
Poppings will be staying in Norway, and De Liso moved to England early this morning. This means the Italian will be ready for Everilla against Newborough in the League Cup later this week.
With Holzhauer’s signature last year, and the signing of Locoloco this summer, Everilla now turns out to be one of the most international teams in Royal League. Giacomo De Liso will be the first Italian in Everilla-history.
10.08.2007
SUMMER TRANSFERS
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Here’s the latest changes on the transfermarket this summer:
S.Betternow – Defender – Carstone – 25: Sold to Northpark City – £940 000
O.Hopkins – Keeper – Everilla – 31: Sold to Shadwell – £605 000
Zambosa Pellibenki – Striker – Inter Bombesa – 23: Sold to Heilheim – £8 750 000
I.Gray – Winger – Carstone – 24: Sold to Woolvich County – £520 000
Eric Megson – Midfielder – Sporran Rovers – 21: Sold to Tigers – £450 000
Steven McEndriq – Winger – Braxton – 18: Sold to Everilla Wan. – £580 000
Eric “Lobber” Wasp – Striker – Axton Rovers – 26: Sold to Oxham Rovers – £875 000
Marden Lightboot – Midfielder – Islander City – 18: Sold to Everilla Wan. – £300 000
A.Agoba – Fullback – Blackwell City – 27: Sold to Maiden City – £1 250 000
R.Struckdown – Centerback – Manston City – 29: Sold to Northpark City – £3 300 000
T.Johnswell – Keeper – Pinkby Forest – 25: Sold to Dawdle Crown – £490 000
B.Devlinson – Winger – Barton Villa – 20: Sold to Dedham Town – £590 000
W.Bitter – Centerback – Northpark City – 29: Sold to Newsham – £2 000 000
W.Poppings – Striker – Army – 24: Sold to Everilla Wan. – £1 100 000
Sado Illivan – Striker – Chelbourne – 26: Sold to Dawdle Crown – £800 000
Hainz “Lederhose” Kruttsich – Midfielder – Wunderbar SV(GER) – 28: Sold to Stuttcke 08 – £580 000
B.Baloo – Leftback – La Baguette(FRA) – 22: Sold to Blackboys – £680 000
I.Vinderlaahm – Winger – Brentburg(BEL) – 25: Sold to Bedford Ath. – £1 020 000
Robert “Slayer” Birdstone – Centerback – Thunderbolt Blizzards(USA) – 30: Sold to Newsham – £800 000
J.Mazzey – Striker – Beraki(ISRAEL) – 21: Sold to Beastham – £300 000
W.Color – Midfielder – Everilla Wan – 24: Sold to Maiden City – £2 500 000
Khalsäd Avhgang – Winger – Beastham – 24:Sold to Promulgate – £440 000
23.07.2007
EVERILLA COACH AIMS HIGH!
from Tombala Kong (freelance journalist for the Daily News)
In an Interview to the football magazine “CornerKick”, Everilla coach McFist says that his goals for
the season are very ambitious. “I think we can be able to finish in the top six, if everything goes our way.
We’ve had a good pre-season so far, and the players are working more like a team, this year. I’m really disappointed
if we don’t are one of the 8 best teams in the country this season”. On his forsure: “We will not be relegated!
If someone think that, I’ll send Udo Holzhauer to their home with a baseball bat!”, he says.
OK, Everilla have had a good pre-season, but the majority of the players McFist spent money on this summer
are miles away from the starting lineup. And he hasn’t got a replacement for W.Color. The problem Everilla face is that the
fans believe that the old giant will raise again this season, only one season after almost getting relegated.
And to be honest, what have actually changed this season?
Everilla director Bergesen: “We have grown together as a team. Over the summer we all went on holiday to Thailand,
enjoying our selves to the max. We’re a big family now. I guess we will finish 7th this season, and win the cup. Next year we will
win the league. And the year after that we will be one of Europe’s best football clubs! Then we will build a new 80.000 superstadium
and … (this text is shortened by the desk).
Bergesen is sure optimistic. We hope he has right … but if we see Everilla playing against teams like Loveford etc. in a couple of years, we might be pretty close on the truth.
22.06.2007
HOLA HOLA CUP 2007
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Once again Skid City showed strength in the rather unknown Hola Hola Cup. Fighting their way to the final, and grabbing the trophy after scoring on a late penalty.
Last year there were a riot about fixed games to help Skid City to victory. The rumours want be stilled after this either.
Here are the results:
Group 1
Stonecastle – Beastham 2-0
Dedham County – Skid City 5-0
Beastham – Skid City 0-1
Stonecastle – Dedham County 3-0
Skid City – Stonecastle 1-1
Dedham County – Beastham 0-1
Group 2
Goford – Everilla Wan. 0-1
Maiden United – Loveford 4-0
Goford – Maiden United 2-2
Everilla Wan. – Loveford 2-2
Loveford – Goford 0-2
Maiden United – Everilla Wan. 2-1
Semifinals
Stonecastle – Goford 2-0
Skid City – Maiden United 0-0, 3-0 aet
Bronzefinal
Goford – Maiden United 0-2
Maiden United takes their second Hola Hola bronze.
Final
Stonecastle – Skid City 0-1
Skid City takes their second Hola Hola trophy.
29.05.2007
LATEST TRANSFERS
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Zambosa Pellibenki – Striker – 23.
Moves from Inter Bombesa to Heilheim in a £8 750 000 deal.
R.Struckdown – Centerback – 29.
Moves from Manston City to Northpark City in a £3 300 000 deal.
S.Betternow – Centerback – 25.
Moves from Carstone to Northpark City in a £940 000 deal.
O.Hopkins – Keeper – 31.
Moves from Everilla Wan. to Shadwell in a £605 000 deal.
I.Gray – Winger – 24.
Moves from Carstone to Woolvich County in a £520 000 deal.
Eric Megson – Midfielder – 21.
Moves from Sporran Rovers to Tigers in a £450 000 deal.
B.Dundee – Defender – 32.
Moves from Everilla Wan. to Veteran FC in a £100 000 deal.
24.05.2007
HEILHEIM GRABS THE TROPHY
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Villa Melona was not left a chance in yesterdays Kings League Final against Heilheim. The Germans showed great skills and strength, putting on a great performance in front of a crowd of 87 000.
The Spanish side sent a freekick in the bar in the beginning of the second half, but that was the only chance they made in the whole game.
Heilheim controlled the whole thing beautifully, and takes home their 4th title of this competition.
20.05.2007
RELEGATIONS AND PROMOTIONS
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With the FA cup final played, we’re ready to see the changes for next season.
Royal League Champion: GOFORD
Teams ready for European Kings League: GOFORD, NORTHPARK CITY
Teams to qualify for European Kings League: MAIDEN CITY, BLACKBOYS
Teams ready for European Princes League: CARSTONE
Teams to qualify for European Prince League: MANSTON CITY, OAKWELL FOREST, BEDFORD ATHLETIC
Relegated from division 1: WESTHAMPTON, NEWBOROUGH, FOXHAM
Promoted from division 2: DAWDLE CROWN, TIGERS, WESTON PALACE
Relegated from division 2: WILLINGWALL SUNDAY, UPHOLSTER, COVENHAM
Promoted from division 3: SHADWELL, ARMY, CARSTONE
Relegated from division 3: WESTBURY RANGERS
Promoted from League 8: BARKINGSEA
20.05.2007
UNBELIEVABLE CARSTONE TRIUMPH
The town of Southampton were witness the biggest celebration ever tonight. Carstone from division 3 miraculous managed to beat Lutham Forest in the FA cup final, to grab the trophy, and thereby collect the first big title for the club ever. The people of Southampton went absolutely mad, and celebrated the streets all night. Manager Adrian Eastender, and director Ira Lovely was caught in a dark alley while doing stuff that belongs in an adult movie.
The result of the game was not fair to Lutham, who controlled the ball most of the time. Carstone did not have a single chance in the first half, and looked like they’d already lost. But in the second half, suddenly out of nowhere, S.Betterknow fired a cannon from distance that went straight in. Lutham Forest keeper G.Collins had to take the blame for that one. Unfortunately for him, Lutham never manage to raise, and Carstone played it through.
S.Betterknow is a transfer target to some clubs in Royal League, and the price was probably raised after this game, if Carstone wants to sell at all.
17.05.2007
MANAGERS FIRED
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The time has come to wave good-bye to many of the Royal League managers. The season didn’t went quite as expected for many clubs, and here are the managers that has left:
Covenham(2) manager Collin Cock.
The club went straight through division 2, and down to division 3. “Outraging!” was the directors comment. They’ve lost a lot of money and fans.
Newborough(1) manager Adrian Lawless.
Relegated to division 2. The club has always been in a mid-table position, but have not done any big changes. Now it will be time to renew and fight their way back to the top division.
Worsted City(3) manager Omar Mahli.
They were going for promotion, but failed and ended up 15.
Livernal(1) manager Larry Leisure.
Was going to be a better team with Mr.Leisure, but he was obvious not the solution.
Albion Rovers(1) manager Enrique Finites.
The board of directors have decided to do some changes, and go for higher goals the coming season.
Wainscot(2) manager Warden Strikewell.
The club thinks it’s about time to fight harder for promotion and glory, and will try with a new manager.
Willingwall Sunday(2) manager Leiv Styggreddson.
Mr.Styggreddson has decided to retire.
Blackwell City(2) manager Luca Aroma.
Mr.Aroma was the man who was going to take Blackwell City back to the top-division. He failed, and will be put on the first plane back to Italy.
Southpool(2) manager Bernard Pommeroy.
The club was expected to be fighting for promotion with their young stars on the field. But the manager did obviously not got the potential out of the team.
Thimbleton(3) manager Nick Kingsley.
The club was nearly relegated to League 8, and has to do some drastic changes.
Kane Albion(3) manager Kevin Moonstone.
With bad results, and a wife-cheating scandal, Mr.Moonstones head was easily chopped by the board.
Westbury Rangers(3) manager Pervert Willingly
The club is relegated to League 8, and is out of Royal League for the first time in 20 years. It’s a huge disaster for the club, and everyone in Bolton hates Mr.Willingly.
16.05.2007
EIFEL PARIS WINS EUROPEAN PRINCES LEAGUE
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Eifel Paris could proudly raise the trophy after tonight’s 3-1 victory against Dunton United.
Dunton was a number too small in this case, and fell behind early in the game.
Eifel Paris was celebrating big time in champagne after the victory, and both coaches and players was seen drunk, pissing in a fountain outside the stadium.
07.05.2007
10 POINTS TAKEN AWAY FROM FOXHAM
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Scotland Yard detective Jock Knoll reviled big news this weekend. After a long investigation he was able to prove that Foxham paid the now dead referee Damian Dingo to fix a few games in Royal League, so Foxham would have the advantage in their battle for survival in the top division. A part of this deal included manager Andy Hedges grandmother, who finally retired two weeks ago, but any further details about this was not reviled.
The Royal FA did react immediately and took 10 points from Foxham, who then ended up bottom last, and ready for 2nd division next season.
06.05.2007
IMPRESSIVE GOFORD
There were no doubt about who could lift the trophy after the last League Round this Sunday. Goford made no mistakes and humilated a poor Newborough-side 5-0!
This is manager Magnus Tollefsruds first triumph in Britain, and he was celebrated as the “big man” who finally brought glory back to The Walks.
Money will now be raining at the Birmingham-club, and we’ll probably see some transfers here in front of next season.
04.05.2007
DUNTON ON THEIR WAY TO EURO-GLORY
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Scottish runners-up Dunton United are in their first Princes League Final ever. “We have a strong team and an excellent spirit”, manager Tom McCoist said. McCoist has formed a remarkable team in his five years at charge, and has probably the only team in Europe with only domestic (Scottish) players in the squad. The magic formula: “He(McCoist) can get a normal mainstream player to become a superplayer in the shortest period of time. Look what happened to Larry Toughney! He was a substitue for the second division side Grasston United. Then McCoist got him for free, and the next season he was the topscorer in the first division (27 goals)!”, a fan said.
McCoist also know Everilla manager Stuart McFist well.
“We’re good pals”, he said before hanging up the phone.
03.05.2007
LATEST NEWS
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Everilla director Pedersen hit the bathtub with a glass of whitewine when last weeks results were ticking in. With their strong away-victory and Foxhams draw, there’s now a ten goal difference to cover before they’re relegated in front of the last league-match. And that’s impossible. So the mood in the club are great at the moment.
In the European competitions, both Axis City and Blackboys failed their semifinal game, so no English teams are represented in this year finals.
The Holy Boot is about to be normal phrase in English football-terminology, after Dixton Town manager Helmut Hartmaier said the following after their last game: “We were clearly the better team, but they had the luck of The Holy Boot.”
Experts are still investigating to find the truth about The Holy Boot.
Tim Bigfish
Daily News
26.04.2007
EUROPEAN SEMIFINALS
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The 1st leg of semifinals in Kings League and Princes League has been played. None of the remaining English teams, can brag about a victory, but Axis City managed to get the important away-goal for the 2nd leg. Blackboys on the other hand, was totally fooled by Eifel Paris. The French side was the better team for the whole match, and could easily have brought an even worse result upon the Niggers.
Still things can be turned around in the second leg.
Axis City manager Malcom Cochran was pleased with his team’s effort. “I’m glad we can be a team of European cup quality. Our poor performance in the league is an other story. Even with that boot…. eeeerrrhh.. eh..eh. I mean even by my grandfathers golden tooth, we should be doing better than that…. uhh.. Sorry! Got to go.” was his comment after the match.
16.04.2007
LATEST NEWS
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With 3 matches left of the season, the excitement is great in Royal League. Goford seem to get a firm grip on the title, with Maiden City and Northpark City battling right back. Dedham County have now lost their chance.
In the bottom the struggle for survive is also exciting. 7 teams have a very unsure future, and the last 3 games will settle who’s going down.
The FA Cup semifinals this weekend did not contain any big surprises. Lutham Forest won easily 1-0, and will play the sensational team Carstone from division 3 in the final. Manager Adrian Eastender was ecstatic yesterday. “This is the biggest event since Mark Parker missed that penalty in 82, by firing the ball in the bar so it bounced back the whole field, and scored an owngoal” he said, spitting while talking. Carstone is about to reach promotion back to division 2, where they came from last year. With the FA cup final, they have been reaching heights they never dreamt of.
No significant transfers have been made the last month. Many teams are concentrating all their effort in the existing team, but we may see many transfers again after the season.
The story about “The Golden Boot” continues. Papers found in referee Damian Dingos apartment connects the old Rome and Julius Caesar to the Holy Boot. This have made many loosing interest in this relic, since the story now seem to be to fantastic to believe. Experts still find it interesting, and tries to prove that the relic has been in hand of Caesar, and later found here in England.
Stig Bøyle
Daily News
14.03.2007
LATEST NEWS
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The end of season is closing in, and the battles for the championship and survival are reaching the boil.
In division 1, Northpark City got a surprising loss against Dixton Town, but second placed Maiden City failed to win their game and climb ahead. Maiden-manager David Hightackle have been watching Italian star-striker Zambosa Pellibenki from Inter Bombesa lately, to bring home victories in important games like this. But it’s unsure if a transfer-bid will ever be made.
Everilla Wanderers have climbed out of the relegation-zone, and are said to have their eyes on a 18-year old talent from Krutt Sofia. Rumors says that this is only a cover-operation for A.Day, to get some cheap vodka.
In division 2, Dawdle Crown have got a few extra points ahead of Tigers and Claysen United who all battles for promotion.
Covenham on the other hand, have had a disastrous season so far. Relegated from division 1 last season, they seem to be going straight through division 2, and down to division 3. A spokesperson for the club says that it might be because they’re training only once a week.
In division 3, Army seem to have a hold of a promotion. With their top scorer W.Poppings, life has been pretty good in Army this season. The club came fourth last season, and missed the promotion in their last game. Shadwell and Carstone are following close behind.
In the aftermath of referee Damian Dingos death earlier this month, detective Jock Knoll is said to have found a lot that proves the referee was involved in a serious investigation about “The Holy Boot”. The murder does not seem to be linked to the awful Everilla-game two days earlier.
Stig Bøyle
Daily News
11.03.2007
GOFORD FAIL ADVANCEMENT
Carstone from division 3 upset everyone in the FA cup quarterfinal against Goford, when they won 2-0.
Goford started the game with a great effort, and scored after only 2 minutes Unfortunately for them, Petur Kall Helguson was caught offside, and the goal disallowed. 10 minutes later Goford-player Posco Proudfoot was sent off after an awful tackle, and Carstone did control the midfield from that on.
Goford were only a shadow of what they use to be. And with Carstone-keeper J.Richardson and centerback S.Betternow in impressing form, they never manage to get a goal.
Carstone are third in division 3, and have made a fairly good season. And let us not forget that they did play the League Cup Final in the 03/04-season. A few Carstone-players will probably turn up in the scouts-report in some clubs from division 1 in the future.
For a detailed match report go to http://home.no.net/everilla/Matchreports/GofordCarstoneFAcup.htm
The other results from the FA Cup quarterfinals did all come out with a draw and little excitement.
02.03.2007
DINGO FOUND DEAD IN HIS JACUZZI
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Scandal-referee Damian Dingo was found dead in his jacuzzil at his country-house in Essex this morning. He had been dead for about 10 hours. Police say that this is no suicide, but a murder. He was stabbed eight times in the chest with a sharp object while sitting in the pool.
Before he died, he managed to write these words on the wall with his own blood: “I know who’s got the …”. The sentence was not ended. If this was “only” a angry Everilla fan wanting revenge for the bad ref-performance in the cup-replay between Everilla and Southpool (0-1), or if it is something on a “bigger stage” is not known. The Police and Scotland Yard’s star-detective Jock Knoll is on the case.
28.02.2007
EVERILLA-FANS TURNS ANGRY WITH REFEREE
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Everilla managed to beat Northpark City 2-0 in their last league game, surprising everyone, and made their fans celebrate.
But the FA cup replay against Southpool was a disaster to The Wanderers, much thanks to the referee. Striker Udo Holzhauer was sent off after two yellow cards, in situations that was really no more than normal tackles. And when Southpool got a penalty in the last minute, and scored, the fans boiled in anger.
Referee Damian Dingo was escorted by the police, when he left the stadium later that evening. Much caused to this picture that was found outside the stadium:
27.02.2007
HIGHFLYING BLACKBOYS TO BUILD SUPERSTADIUM
by Scott Forehead
Traditionclub Blackboys, current leaders of the Royal League, today announced plans to add to the 56.000 capacity of their famous stadium Nigger Road. “We want to build a superstadium with apartments for the players, shoppingmals and amusement possibilities, basically a new city”, director and owner Ali Muhammad Shitty told the press. ” A very good friend of mine from the Emirates who is willing to pay the bill. But this will only be possible if we win the title this year”.
The stadium will be an all-seater 83.500 stadium, the biggest in the country. But not all fans are too happy about these news. It will mean that the famous East-End-Corner, the home of the most faithful Blackboys supporters, will also be all-seated. Also called the “Niggerbox” by the fans, many away-team cornertakers have nightmares from that corner. For example Tigers-midfielder T.Todd who had four corners landing behind the goal in a match between the two rivals in 2002. From that day he was called “Banana-Todd”. Todd is currently playing for 2. Div side Claysen United. He has never taken a corner since that match!
25.02.2007
BEDFORD ATHLETIC GRABS LEAGUE CUP TROPHY
Once again the old cup-heroes, Bedford Athletic, managed to grab another title this year. The Beds met Wilbury Argyle from division 2 in a boring game. Bedford startet off well, with a shot in the bar from McHarwey, but then the pace fell dramaticly. Early in the second half Scottish international player D.Coop had a header in the post. It was not until the 79th minute Bedford got their goal. H.Crockett fired off from distance, and gave The Beds the winning goal. The speculations about Crockett playing for England surely didn’t stop after he raised the League Cup trophy this afternoon.
Stig Bøyle
Daily News
12.02.2007
LATEST NEWS
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The latest Royal League Round contained some great results to even out the table, in both the upper- and lower part.
Westhampton midfielder Jamie Beatwill had a world class game at Friday against Promulgate, when they won 5-0. The 24-year old scored twice, and was very much the part of everything on the field.
Also Bedford striker Harry Crockett played to his full potential this weekend. With 1 goal, and 1 assist, he helped Bedford to a 3-0 victory against Lutham Forest away.
Sure both players are in sight of England-coach Howard Little now.
Replays for the Royal FA cup, has also been held.
A stunning result took place at Loyal Park, where Sporran Rovers from division 3, managed to beat Manston City 1-0. Match winner was midfielder Eric Megson, who had a great game, along with goalkeeper Trevor Georgie.
The draw for the next round has been made. Please see FA Cup-page for further details.
Transfer rumours:
Chief-scout A.Day from Everilla, has been observed on every Braxton game lately. Rumours says it’s winger Steven McEndriq who has brought the attention upon him from the scout.
But also Axis City and Northpark are said to be interested in the young winger, and the clubs will be competing for the youngsters signature.
Maiden City on the other hand have their attention abroad. They have their eyes on H.Carter in Real Naranja should we believe the Spanish press. H.Carter came to Real from Everilla Wanderers after the most speculative transfer-deal in The Royal League history, when £15 000 000 was handed over in a real mafia-style.
H.Carter is said to have troubles with fitting into the Spanish lifestyle.
Blackboys and Oxham Rovers are said to be competing for the signature of Axton Rovers striker Eric “Lobber” Wasp. Wasp has scored 24 goals in 30 games for Axton, and the 26-year old American may get him selves a big contract in the very near future.
Chuck Brown
Daily News
09.02.2007
LATEST NEWS
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Finally I’m back in business, after a long hospital stay.
There were little to do from the hospital, so I’ve had a couple of days now to do some more research around The Holy Boot. For a long time everyone seemed to think that Everilla Wanderers had a grip of “The Boot”, but the last weeks results have made a lot of people turn their heads in an other direction. Yesterday a security guard was knocked down and asked a lot of questions outside Eddie Hall. Scouts from several clubs have been sneaking around Maiden Citys’ home ground these days. And the reason again is “The Holy Boot”. The news about the existence of such a relic, was pretty much a fire starter for events outside the football arena in many places. Maiden City came last season from division 2, and have been outstanding this year, with pretty much the same team as last year. The club has always talked about the “Hightackle”-effect, as a reason for the good results. But the competitive managers does not believe in “such a crap”, should we belive Bedford-manager Tim Stringun.
Stig Bøyle
Daily News
28.01.2007
THE ROYAL FA-CUP
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Many strong performances during the Royal FA cup 3rd round this weekend.
Teams to mention is Sporran Rovers, Carstone, Braxton and Southpool from the lower divisions.
20-year old Braxton-winger Steven McEndriq was a two goal scorer and the man of the round with high-score at all newspapers. Rumors says he won’t stay long in 3rd division.
Dedham County could be hunting a new goalkeeper after an awful performance against Carstone. The goalkeeper actually manage to heel the ball into his own net when about to kick out, causing the whole stadium to laugh themselves to death. And that was the winning goal for Carstone.
25.01.2007
ROYAL LEAGUE CUP SEMIFINALS
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Two dramatic 2nd leg semifinals was played in The Royal League Cup yesterday.
Bedford Athletic pulled of a 2-0 victory at home, which takes them to the final on an away goal from 1st leg. And Wilbury Argyle managed to score their winning goal early in the 2nd half, and then closed their goal for frustrated Maiden City strikers. Maiden City who won the competition last year was ranked as favorites, but was never able to break through the strong Wilbury-defence. This is the second year in row, that a team from division 2 makes it to the final.
Bedford Athletic will be big favorites in the final of this competition which they won in 2004, and 2005.
Tim Bigfish
Daily News
09.01.2007
CUPMATCHES PLAYED
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Games in the Royal FA-cup and the Royal League cup has recently been played.
In the League cup semifinals, Wilbury Argyle from division 2, held last year champion Maiden City to a 2-all draw. Still they have to prove themselves at home in the second leg, before they could reach their first cupfinal ever. It could be the match of the year for them.
In the FA-cup Islander City from conference made the biggest surprise when they won 4-0 away to Claysen Utd. “The Allisons” was totally stuned and overruned by a hard fighting and well-played “Islanders”. Their young-talented midfielder Marden Lightboot scored one goal, and had two assists. The 18 year old lad was surely proclaiming himself to be playing at a higher level pretty soon.
3rd division side Braxton and Kane Albion were able to knock out each of their 1st division teams, to the bookmakers big surprise. Foxham and Beastham where the sorry loosers in this case.
Chuck Brown
Daily News
04.01.2007
EVERILLA WITH NEW HOPE
During Christmas, Everilla have managed to pull themselves out of the relegation zone. And rumors about the “holy boot” has once again come to live. Could it be that Everilla now own some kind of “luck-boot” that improves the teamspirit and have given the players something to believe in?
“Nouncence!” was defender P.Days’ comment to this. “We are still the same, but all the running we have done, might finally show of on the field”
19.12.2006
MALCOM COCHRAN SIGNS FOR AXERS
Axis City have taken Malcom Cochran back to Royal League as their new manager. Cochran was manager of Woolvich County in a period from 1990 to 2000, when he then quit to became a manager of St.Provance in France. Now he’s back and eager to start a new campaign for the Axers.
“It feels good to be back in Royal League,” he said to the press earlier this morning. “Axis City is probably the team with the brightest future of all the teams in Royal League. And I want to be a part of it.”
But when we asked about his salary to be the reason for his loyalty, he picked his nose and said: “Next question please.”
18.12.2006
EVERILLA WITH SURPRISING VICTORY
Oxham Rovers looked like they were running into a wall against Everilla Wanderers this weekend. The Wanderers crushed them easily 4-1, and lifted a few eyebrows in Royal League. Everilla are struggling at the bottom of the table, and Oxham have been battling for the title lately.
Last weekend the Everilla-directors were seen in Preston, probably in search for “The Holy Boot”. Rumors now tell that they actually manage to discover it, and bring it home to Goodinaux.
“Wow…. Hey! Look! a bird!” was the only comment from director Pedersen before he ran away, when we tried to interview him.
11.12.06
CHRISTMAS CLOSING IN
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Two weeks in front of Christmas, Northpark have once more grabbed the lead in Royal League, and shown great strength. They’re also already qualified for further play in the European Kings League knockout rounds.
At the moment Maiden City surprise everyone with a second place. Manager Hightackle took the team to the top division last season, and explains the success this way: “This is a result of my tactical expertise, and nothing else. My 4-4-2 Diablo tactic is unbeatable against most opponents.” he said with a confident smile.
In the other half of the table Westhampton, Everilla and Foxham struggles. Everilla directors Bergesen and Pedersen was seen with their chief scout A.Day in Preston this weekend. Probably searching for The Holy Boot. And no doubt that they need some help from the mystical boot, if it exists.
With Christmas closing in, there will be a lot of pressure on the teams with many games and few breaks. And when we then go into January, the FA cup starts. The only relief will be that the transfer window then opens, and the teams might bring in new players to replace injured once.
In second division Wimbleby still going strong at the top, but it’s Upholster who’s impressing at the moment. After being fined 10 points in the pre-season because of an economic failure, the team has crawled out of the relegation zone, showing their fans that they play football better than they handle money.
And Shadwell seem to have control of division 3, 7 points in front of Carstone. With their Everilla-players on loan, they seem to have a strong team. But with Everilla struggling in the top-division, they might be called back from loan to help them out when we go into January.
Tim Bigfish
Daily News
20.11.06
JAQUELINE MELODY IN THE CHAIR
Despite all odds, Loveford presented Ms.Melody as their new manager in front of the Turret Exit game on Saturday.
The club expect to attract a lot more women to the games, and perhaps be an example for other teams in the future.
But besides lovely goals for the future, the club should keep in mind that they need to win soccer games. The mind of the players seemed to be elsewhere as they went on a 0-2 defeat against an obvious weaker opponent. Still Ms.Melody was smiling and waving to the fans, receiving a lot of grim faces back. How tough could this be for Ms.Melody?
Tim Bigfish
Daily News
17.11.06
FIRST FEMALE MANAGER IN ROYAL LEAGUE?
Stunning news hit the Daily News office today. Rumours tells that the very female Jaqueline Melody is about to take a grip of the manager-chair in 3.division Loveford. Loveford-manager Zap Screwley is said to be leading the Canadian U21-side in the very near future.
Either Mr.Screwley nor Ms.Melody wanted to comment the rumours. “Uuuuh, but they have lovely colours,” was the only line from Ms.Melody. If there’s any truth in this rumours, Jaqueline Melody will be the first female manager in Royal League. Which qualifies for the “Guinness Book of Records”, and a small notice in the book “Unbelievable Sad Stories From Royal League”. She might be leading the team against Turret Exit tomorrow. And that would surely not be a bad timing for a new manager.
Jim McStern
Daily News
15.11.06
SPITFIRE TO JOIN RIVALS CANNON TOWN?
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Ex. Axis City manager Ben Spitfire was seen having talks with Cannon Town president Ludvic Überschnell, just hours after getting sacked by Axis City. Cannon Town is in a good position to get promotion in 2. Div. The mayor of the city Preston is not too happy about it. ” It will be a a catastrophe for the city if Axis City and Cannon Town will play in the same league!”, he said. Axis and Cannon Town is known for having the most violent supporters known in football. This goes a long way back through history, where, Cannon Town was a real English village captured by a Danish prince, in the late 1500s. So if Mr. Spitfire have the guts to take over is not known.
Chuck Brown
Daily News
14.11.06
AXIS CITY MANAGER FIRED
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Manager Ben Spitfired has been sacked as manager in Axis City due to bad results. Axis City was racing for the title last year, and ended up second. After 17 games they are struggling at the bottom of the table, and both directors and fans have had enough of loosing. To take a grip of this bad situation, the Axis City board decided last night to end the contract with Ben Spitfire, and bring new influence into the club. Ben Spitfire came to Axers in front of the 03/04-season when they was a mid- table division 2 team. He brought them straight up to the top-division in only 1 season, and grabbed a surprising 4th place in the 04/05-season, with a League cup final as an extra bonus the very same year. Last years season we all remember how they battled for their first championship along with Northpark City.
“Ben Spitfire has been the most successful manager in Axis City ever”, said director Clive Clifford. “But with the current situation, his skills are limited, and the need for someone with more experience from division 1 are obvious in this case. We hope Mr. Spitfire will have bad luck with any club that he tries to lead against Axis City in the future.”
The director will not give any names to who might replace Spitfire in the near future.
Mr. Spitfire will not comment the situation at this stage, but he was clearly unhappy with the news, as he paid a lot of kids to go play football in director Clive Cliffords rose garden.
Tim Bigfish
Daily News
10.11.06
STIG BØYLE TAKES COVER
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Our outstanding reporter Stig Bøyle has lately been forced to “go under ground”.
After revealing some interesting news in his article called “The footballing past”, he has been seriously threatened anonymously by some powerful people. This has made him very cautious, and he’s not one of our regular reporters anymore. Last time we spoke with Stig Bøyle, he said he would still continue to give us news, but he had to keep his head down in a secret place, until the situation calms. We don’t know exactly what forced this situation. But it might be the story about “the holy boot”, that someone reacted to. Daily News apologise for any coincidence the article may have led to. And hopes Stig Bøyle can return safe back to his office to work as a regular reporter again, and forget about this “footballing past”.
Tim Bigfish
Daily News
07.11.06
EVERILLA FINDS STRIKER IN THE BLACK FOREST
Everilla will sign the German striker Udo Holzhauer (25) when the transfer window opens in January. “We have agreed a fee with his club, FC Tannenburg, and he will sign a two years contract”, Chairman Anders Bergesen said. Holzhauer has scored 8 goals in 15 games for his team, currently placed second in the German third division. “This guy is a monster in the box!”, manager McFist said. With his 2.10 m, he will surly be a airial treath for Everilla, desperate to score more goals. The future of striker Topgun, is unknown after failing to score in the league after a good pre-season.
16.10.06
UNBEATABLE OXHAM ROVERS
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Oxham Rovers are today topping the table with 6 points ahead in division 1. They seem stronger than ever before, while the favorites Northpark City and Axis City both have lost many points this season. It’s clearly a wind of change in Royal League today.
Everilla are also this season struggling at the bottom. But all the teams are nearly even on the table, and every point can make a team advance upwards many places.
In division 2, two of the oldest and greatest clubs in Royal League; Tigers and Claysen Utd, are battling for promotion, to a general happiness amongst the masses of fans. And Shadwell and Livington are still going strong in division 3, while Fulton Howe are the absolute bottom team of the League-system, with only 4 points, and as the only team without a victory in Royal League this season.
Jim McStern
Daily News
27.09.06
SKID CITY SIGNS HEINRICH MITTWOCHE AS MANAGER
The German influenced team Skid City has found a worthy follower after manager Steffen Sætereie left a month ago. The former Exway Rovers boss who was fired in mid-August, is said to be the natural replacement. He was sacked after bad results, and for attacking an old grandma at the stadium. “This is exactly the type of man we need in the club” said director Hainz Chinq. Together with Günther Rayovac they want to create a German killing machine of the team. “Many of our lost games last season was caused by girlish play on the pitch. Now we shal create men of mice” he said with a big smile.
Exway Rovers have signed Sir Maxwell Brender as their new manager. Sir Brender is owner of the biggest farm outside Dover, and has built a lot of training-grounds on his land lately. “I cannot eat elsewhere than home. So this way I stay close for lunch,” he said in an interview to “The Han Dover News”.
26.09.06
STEFFEN DRAKEDREPER SIGNS 1 YEAR CONTRACT WITH BEASTHAM FC
One month after firing himself as Skid City coach, Steffen Drakedreper joins the Pink Dragons in Beastham FC as playing manager. Although he’ll be mostly playing with himself, as the heterosexual he is. This deal will mark the beginning of a new era for Beastham. Mr. Drakedreper’s first goal is to build a ferocious team consisting only of homosexuals. The first of it’s kind if you don’t count Liverpool’s squad from 2004. Right wing Ben Dover and Gaydon Assfuk follows Drakedreper from Skid City to Beastham.
All hail the Pink Dragons.
25.09.06
SHADWELL ON TOP IN DIVISION 3
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With 10 matches played, 4 teams seem to be seriously battling for promotion this year. At the moment Shadwell find themselves at the top with Livington with equal points. Shadwell have had great help from the two Everilla-players they’ve tied to a loan-contract this season. And Livington are led by the former Everilla-player R.Hart. But if Everilla continue their poor play, they soon will be influencing division 3 in other ways, that they surely don’t won’t to experience.
DEFENSIVE WIMBLEBY HOLDS ON TO THE LEAD IN DIVISION 2
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Since the Norwegian Tor Gunnar Veivelling arrived early this season, many chances has been made in Wimbleby. And they’re heading for promotion. The biggest chance must be the defensive structure that the Norwegian has implemented. Wimbleby now play with many men behind the ball, and rely on counter-attacks, making them very difficult to play against. “I hate this Norwegian-style of playing football,” said the Wimbleby fullback Minor Vainor to Daily News. But so far it has paid off, even with the lack of entertaining the fans.
Stig Bøyle
Daily News
21.09.06
LATEST NEWS
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The Royal League Cup second round was played yesterday. Please click on “League Cup” for results. Exway Rovers from division 3 made the biggest surprise this round when they won 3-2 against the 1st division side Westhampton.
The European cups was played last week, and the group-draw has been made. Group A in the European Princes League will be followed with great attention, with both Blackboys and Stonecastle participating. Goford in Group C is a favorite to win together with Riva Rivera. In European Kings League Northpark and Axis City was drawn into some really tough groups. But they still might have a chance.
Late rumors says that Steffen Sætereie will be back in a manager-seat very soon. Quickford, Promulgate, Foxham and Newsham is mentioned as candidates to sign the controversial manager.
Tim Bigfish
Daily News
12.09.06
EVERILLA LOOSE TO NORTHPARK CITY
On Saturday Everilla lost the fifth game of the season leaving them rock bottom of the Royal League with only one point in six matches. Although Northparks new record signing, Ivor Smolazek starred and scored two brilliant goals, one a piledriver from 35 yards that hit the left post before going in, and a simple tap in after great play by the Nigerian winger Uddo Hoddoo, Everilla gave them a fair fight. P.Day scored from a corner to make it 1-2, and with some luck, the Australian defender Dundee could have made it 2 all, but instead hit the post. That really pissed him off and he went crazy, starting to kick the post, making strange noises sounding like pairing kangaroos. As he started to take off his shorts to finally finish the post off with urine, the ref had seen enough and gave the Everilla-back a red card for unsportmanlike behavior.
After the game rumors said that Everilla fans may be boycotting the next away game against hate-rival Livernal. “We can’t stand the smiling face of Søren Klype after beating us 4-0”, an old faithful Everilla-supporter said.
Søren Klype was accused of headhunting Everilla-scout N.Huson by faking a kidnapping for a couple of weeks.
01.09.06
SCOUT N.HUDSON LEAVES EVERILLA
Scout N.Hudson has just recently signed as a coach for Livernal, to work under manager Larry Leisure.
It was a hectic start of the season for scout N.Hudson. In Norway he was mixed into some affairs with glamour-model Maylair, and was later on kidnapped.
Now a local newspaper in Norway called “Romerikets Blad” writes that everything was an act from Hummel-boss Søren Klype who was an earlier sponsor of Everilla. Mr.Klype and hummel is now the main-sponsor of Livernal, and wanted to sign N.Hudson. The kidnapping was only a secret negotiation between Livernal and Mr.Hudson at Mr.Klypes luxurious place in Hemsedal.
N.Hudson has signed a 2-year contract with Livernal.
DEDHAM COUNTY – HARDCORE SHOPPING
As the transferdeadline emerged, Dedham Co. manager Jon Eirik Sternang suddenly bought in five players in the final hour.
– Michael Bollocks (25), midfield from 3.div team Bringby Glovers for 550k.
– Obi-Wan Cloudwalker (21), midfield from Saudi Arabian side El-Al-Hamidur, free.
– Jesper Jonathan (28), wing, from Swedish side Västra Stockborg, 250k.
– Punji and Panji (22) (the one-eyed twins), defence from India, 222k.
31.08.2006
NORTHPARK CITY SIGN IVOR SMOLAZEK
Northpark City have paid Ukrainian side Tsjernobyl an asthonishing £ 23,5 mill. to get the signature of Ivor Smolazek(19). The price could rise to 30 mill depending on apperences. Smolazek, is called the Ukrainian Maradona, and was a transferobjekt for all the topclubs over the world. But no one offered more than Northpark City with help of director Midas Moneymaker, who splashed out the millions. “This is the start of “Mission 2008”, manager Jon Ross said. “We want to be the best club in the world!” The striker scored 41 goals as Tsjernobyl wo the double last season, not bad for a player with a deformed foot. This deformed foot might be to his advantage, scientists said. He has the most powerful shot in the world.
Northpark also plans to build the biggest football stadium in the world, with a capacity of 120.000 seats.
other news:
– The falling giant Everilla Wanderers have no transferplans. “We don’t have the cash needed”, Karsten Pedersen said with regret.
– Highflying Oxham Rovers has bought in Terry Stockman(28), defender from Newsham. Price: £ 850.000
– Dixton Town is up for sale. Director and Owner Wayne Carter says he’s tired of football and will devote mor time to fishing.
28.08.2006
SKID CITY MANAGER STEFFEN SÆTEREIE HAS LEFT THE BUILDING
After a disastrous result against bottom-struggling Southpool this weekend, Skid City manager Steffen Sætereie felt no reason to stay in his position. Mr.Sætereie announced before the season that he would not accept poor performance by any players, and if they where not among the top 5 teams after 5 rounds, he would leave. With today’s position as number 12, he felt that no arguments could make him stay a minute longer. “The lads are playing like some down syndrome people without legs” he said on his way out of the stadium. “They’re not worth working for. They’ll probably be in conference within two seasons… Loooooosers!! HAHA!” was his last words before entering his red Opel Ascona, burning rubber in 6 rounds on the parking line before heading out on the highway as a maniac, showing his finger to the Skid City directors office.
Skid City will now be chasing a new manager.
Stig Bøyle, Daily News
FANS TURN AGAINST BERGESEN & PEDERSEN
Tim Bigfish, Daily News
After another defeat, this time by Albion Rovers (0-1), Everilla directors and owners Anders Bergesen and Karsten Pedersen, are under heavy fire. “They have destroyed the club!”, Wayne Wanker, leader of the Everilla Supporterclub says. “We now want them out of our club. They have had control long enough, and we have to be careful not to drop down to D2 this season”. Actions against the two owners, as leading style is being stated as “dictator-like”, will come, Mr. Wanker promise. “We can’t just sit and watch this happen. The first action is to send millions of e-mails to their accounts, making it difficult to communicate with the club. They are most of the time in Norway or at Bahamas.”, Wanker says.
We asked 1000 Everilla supporters if they would like to get rid of Bergesen and Pedersen. The restult speaks for itself:
Yes, they should go: 93%
They should stay: 4,5%
Don’t know: 2,5%
21.08.2006
NORTHPARK CITY BACK ON TOP
Northpark City climbed to the top this Saturday after beating Axis City 2-1, as they did last year. Manager Ben Spitfire was a broken man after the defeat. “This was not supposed to happen,” he said, pushing himself through the press-crew, not noticing one reporter lost his balance and fall down the stairs into the referees wardrobe. Our Daily News reporter did notice there was a lot of blood, but kept on following the broken manager. Northpark manager Jon Ross was in the opposite mood. “We’re up were we belong,” he said, demonstrating a dance in front of the press. “We are hoping to claim the title this year too, and at least one cup-triumph.” he said confident, asking one of the reporters to polish his shoes. In the bottom of the table, Goford have start struggling. With 0 points and most goals conceded, the club are finding themselves in times of trouble.
Board directors is said to be in touch with Skid City manager Steffen Sætereie to replace Magnus Tollefsrud, but that is not confirmed yet. Skid City lost this weekend in division 2, and must win their next game to keep manager Steffen Sætereie in the club.
Latest transfers:
R.Gregory (Blackboys) is sold to Inter Pompei for £ 6 000 000.
D.Bospotovic (Logova Tractors(RUS)) is signed by Newborough in a £ 2 000 000 deal.
W.Ferguson (Lutham Forest) is sold to Wimbleby in a £ 1 300 000 deal.
S.Snooty (Covenham) is signed by Manston City in a £ 2 250 000 deal.
Stig Bøyle, Daily News
11.08.2006
EXWAY ROVERS MANAGER LOOSES HEAD AND JOB
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Bottom club of the 3.division, Exway Rovers, have sacked their German manager Heinrich Mittwoche after a dreadful act after Rovers lost 0-2 to Shadwell last Saturday. Mr. Mittwoche attacked an old grandma (83) after she said something about the war to him. The old grandma (name not available) was also suspended from all Shadwell home games in the future. Exway is now looking for a new manager.
LATEST TRANSFERS
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Southpool manager Bernard Pommeroy has issued a “hands-off” to all those who would like to buy U21-striker Scott Young. “He is indispensable to the club in this campaign for promotion,” he said, knocking his fist in the table as a statement.
Bedford Athletic have signed defender Warren Dumpling from Covenham in a £2000000 deal. “He has soooo nice legs,” said club physiotherapist Norman Leftover. Bedford have had a poor start on the season, and much of it is caused to bad defending.
Westhampton have snapped up the talented youngster Sneal Crustow from Axis City in a £200000 deal. Westhampton will pay more for the striker if he reaches 25 games for the club. “Oh yeah! This is fucking great!” said the enthusiastic fellow to the press. “I’ll fucking take care of this bloody fucking chance.
Shit! It’s what I’ve been fucking waiting for my whole shitty career.” ……. And we believe him.
Quickford manager J.I.Collins has cashed out £1600000 for Westward Yesterday keeper Terry Jones. Jones was sidelined a lot last season, but is well fit and trained at the moment, and will be a reinforcement to the team, should we believe manager Collins.
Stig Bøyle, Daily News
08.08.2006
LATEST NEWS
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Everilla scout N.Hudson has been observed on a hotel in Norway with the Norwegian glamour-model Maylair. Hudson has wife and kid back in England, and is not that good looking. A rumour says that some of Everillas transfer-money is used to pay the model for her company. Hudson’s son started his football career in Everillas youth team this summer, and will surely be affected if the family finds themselves in times of trouble.
Southpool have had their door running down by many 1.division transfer-agents lately. The reason is Southpools U21-striker Scott Young who had a remarkable season last year, when the club ended 4th place in the division.
Representatives from Northpark City, Maiden City, Axis City and Livernal have been observed around the clubhouse. The offers is said to be around £ 3 000 000.
Blackboys striker R.Gregory may be on his way to Italy. Inter Pompei and AS Udinus have had their eyes on Gregory this summer, and with star-striker John “Cracker” Jones in great form, the niggers might let him go.
James Hardman had a flying start to his manager career in Bringby Glovers. The ex-Everilla and Tigers coach is very pleased with his new team. “I see no reason for us to not talk about promotion this year,” he said to Daily News this morning. “It’s about time the Gloves reach a higher level.” He said smiling, raising his cup of coffee and burned his lips.
Northpark City is going to rebuild their Colosseum stadium. The last years champion have enough cash to pay for some luxurious improvements. “Whhhaahaa yeah! We gonna have upper class boxes with gorgeous waitresses pouring free champagne in your glasses. A big Finnish Sauna, and a swimming pool.. and, and, …. Well we probably just raise the capacity to 75 000, for you boring people,”
was stadium-chief Whale Dicks comment to the case.
Stig Bøyle, Daily News
01.08.2006
NEW MANAGERS TO SIGN
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With the new season closing in, many teams have got their new managers in place:
– Livernal(1) have signed Larry Leisure (former England coach) as manager.
Livernal have claimed that they will be back on the top half of the table this year, no matter what it costs.
– Blackwell City(2) have signed Luca Aroma (Inter Pompei) as manager.
The club will accept promotion only, and paid alot to get the Italian to England.
– Dedham Town(2) have signed Ian Redknapp (former Livernal) as manager.
Redknapp says this will bennefit him, since he will have alot more influence in this club than he had in Livernal.
– Weston Palace(2) have signed J.Downs (ex Everilla-and Real Naranja-player) as manager.
Downs is an old hero from his Everilla-days. It is nice to have him back in England.
– Wimbleby(2) have signed Tor Gunnar Veivelling (Lilleborg) as manager.
Veivelling has no international experience, and is the 6th Norwegian manager in Royal League.
– Kenton Endings(2) have signed Nearly Plump as manager.
Plump was assistant manager for the club last year.
– Livington(3) have signed R.Hart (former Everill-player) as manager.
Hart is now able to walk again after this ugly episode written in the news 28.06.2006.
– Teddington(3) have signed Peter Borough as manager.
The England national team had long two candidates for the job as new coach: John Ross in Northpark, and unsettled Howard Little (former Everilla and Blackwell). It was Little who finally agreed to a 2-year contract with a 2-year extention depending on the results.
John Ross says he feels he could not leave Northpark City at this point.
Little probably has the European-cup experience which is needed for this position.
Stig Bøyle, Daily News
17.07.2006
ENGLAND MANAGER LARRY LEISURE SACKED!
Early this morning the Royal League FA sacked Larry Leisure as his position as manager for England.
“This is first of all a decision made by Mr.Leisure himself in discussions with the board” said director Wan King to the press. He further said the decision was made after the poor performance in the World Cup, and the lack of entertaining football on the field. The team clearly needs a new inspiration from someone else.
Northpark manager Jon Ross is named as a hot candidate for the now open position.
Stig Bøyle, Daily News
14.07.2006
SKID CITY STATEMENT
“Skid City’s new owner Herr Sennheiser is currently unavailable for comments regarding these ridiculous allegations. The whole Skid City organization are celebrating the victory of the Hola Hola Cup at the moment. They are still at the island visiting the greatest Chief the world has ever seen. Staying at the Chief’s luxurious and one of a kind, Hoe Hotel – the players are
enjoying unlimited access to alcohol and women. Their stay is expected to last at least a couple of months. Maybe until the season starts.”
On behalf of Skid City,
Jørn A. List – Official Spokesperson/bartender
13.07.2006
SKID CITY WITH GOOD CONNECTIONS?
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After Skid Citys two bizarre penalties in the Hola Hola Cupfinal, speculations says that the game was fixed! The Hola Hola chief that organized the tournament is a well-known Skid City supporter. Oakwells Forest officials write on their website:
“We are the real winners of the Hola Hola Cup. We want justice for all”.
Big Bent, freelance journalist for The Daily News
09.07.2006
ITALY HAVE WON THE WORLD CUP
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Italy are the worlds new champions of football after beating France in a dramatic penalty shoot-out. The Italian people celebrate in style after taking home the trophy. England made it only to the quarterfinal, which are considered as a disaster for Englishmen.
Stig Bøyle, Daily News
07.07.2006
HOLA-HOLA CUP 2006
During this week, the Hola-hola cup has been played on a small island near Cuba. The team who took it all the way was Skid City. 8 team participated, and Skid City was the only one from a division down. But surprisingly the division 2 side was stronger than anyone else, and won 2-0 in the final against Oakwell Forest, after receiving 2 cheap penalties during the game. Skid City manager Steffen Sætereie was a proud man after the game, kissing the pretty much destroyed pitch.
Everilla Wanderers won the bronze-final against Maiden United 3-1.
The competition was completed successfully, and both Royal League and the chief of Hola-hola hope this can be a pre-season tournament every year.
Here are the results:
Group 1
Oakwell Forest – Goford 3-1
Stonecastle – Maiden United 1-2
Goford – Stonecastle 0-0
Maiden United – Oakwell Forest 0-0
Oakwell Forest – Stonecastle 0-1
Goford – Maiden United 1-2
Group 2
Skid City – Everilla Wanderers 1-1
Dedham County – Foxham 1-3
Everilla Wanderers – Dedham County 2-0
Foxham – Skid City 0-1
Foxham – Everilla Wanderers 0-1
Skid City – Dedham County 1-0
Semifinals
Maiden United – Skid City 2-4
Everilla Wanderers – Oakwell Forest 1-2
Bronze-final
Everilla Wanderers – Maiden United 3-1
Final
Skid City – Oakwell Forest 2-0
Big Bent, freelance journalist for The Daily News
01.07.2006
ENGLAND KNOCKED OUT
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A poor performance from the “three lions”, made them loose against Portugal in the World Cup quarterfinal Former Everilla-player H.Carter lost his head and pushed a Portuguese and got sent off. The match went into a penalty shoot-out., which Portugal won.
Rumors says this is the last game with manager Larry Leisure. He is not wanted in his position any longer.
28.06.2006
END OF CAREER FOR EVERILLA-PLAYER R.HART
Last night the Euro 2002 – player from Everilla got into an accident that nearly cost the poor mans life. Chairman Pedersen explains to the press this morning: “Well… I’ve understand that he was throwing a shoe after the neighbors howling dog from his bedroom window at the second floor. He lost his balance, which he often do also at training, and fell down on his garden fence. His knee got stucked on the spears at the top of the fence, and made Mr.Hart hanging downwards screaming, while the neighbors dog attacked him several times. IT WAS AN AMAZING BLOODBATH WHILE THE DOG PULLED HIM DOWN, CAUSING THE LEG TO BE RIPPED OFF WITH A DELICIOUS “SPLASH”… AAAHHH HAHAHA…” Soon after the medical crew took chairman Pedersen away, clearly marked by the shock of loosing a great defender. The hospital have confirmed that R.Hart will never be able to play football again.
Stig Bøyle, Daily News
15.06.2006
ENGLAND WIN AGAIN
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Once more England managed to bring home 3 points. This means their ready for the next stage in the World Cup no matter what the result will be in their last game. It was Kemp and Shaw who once more put color into the game. They will be strong cards further on in the competition.
14.06.2006
LATEST PRE-SEASON RESULTS
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Promulgate – Livernal 1-2
Blackboys – Northpark City 0-1
Beastham – Foxham 2-0
Shadwell – Blackwell City 0-3
Everilla Wanderers – Maiden City 3-1
Skid City – Goford 1-2
11.06.2006
ENGLAND VICTORIOUS
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The World Cup has kicked off, and England won 1-0 against Paraguay in their first match. But they where lucky to win, and have to improve a lot to move on in the competition.
The next opponent is Trinidad & Tobago.
03.06.2006
ENGLAND CRUSH JAMAICA
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England was outstanding in their last friendly match before the World Cup, beating Jamaica 6-0.
Two players got their debut this afternoon. J.R.Phillips from Everilla, and A.Maily from Foxham came both into the game in second half. But hero of the day was without doubt E.Kemp who scored a hattrick. England controlled the game from start, and Jamaica was never left a chance. A big morale-booster before the great World Cup in Germany.
15.05.2006
THE AWARDS FOR SEASON 2005/2006
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MANAGER OF THE YEAR:
Jon Ross (Northpark City)
PLAYER OF THE YEAR:
Shuane Arikari (Dedham County, League topscorer: 22 goals)
YOUNG PLAYER OF THE YEAR:
G.Breakwood (Dixton Town, from an unknown to National Player in just one season)
SUPRISE TEAM OF THE YEAR (all divisions):
Maiden City (2) (Beating Champions Northpark City 2-0 aet. in the League Cup final)
DISAPOINTMENT OF THE SEASON (all divisions):
Everilla Wanderers FC(1), Champions twice in a row, almost relegated this season.
14.05.2006
BLACKBOYS WIN FA CUP
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The Royal FA cup winner had to be determined after penalty-shootout yesterday.
Neither of the teams managed to score after 90 minutes, and with one goal each into extra time, the match went into a dramatic shootout.
Blackboys scored on all their 3 first penalties, while Northpark City was totally catched by their nerves, and blasted each and everyone of their penalties into the crowd. TV-pictures after the match showed that the one and same person behind the goal was hit in the head every time. Close up pictures showed that this was former Northpark player Willy Willnot, who was mixed up in a bribe scandal in the club in the late eighties.
12.05.2006
J.R.PHILLIPS GETS WIMBLEBY OFFER!!!
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Everilla-veteran, and topscorer last season, J.R.Phillips was offered a job
at second division team Wimbelby as a player-manager.
“This is intresting, I will need a couple of days to sort my mind out”, he said.
Phillips was offered a one-year deal by Everilla boss McFist last week.
“We want to keep Phillips at Everilla. I’m sure Wimbleby will fight against relegation next season.
The squad is not good enough and there are no money to get new players in”, manager McFist
said.
10.05.2006
ROYAL LEAGUE LATEST
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The season is over, and many changes are allready been discussed across the country for next season.
Sacked managers:
Livernal manager Ian Redknapp
Blackwell City manager Howard Little
Dedham Town manager Terry Wilston
Weston Palace manager Pat Filling.
Teddington manager Quantin Valerosa
Kenton Endings manager Bill Board
Livington manager John Effort
Quited managers:
Wimbleby manager Scott Thompson (former Goford) is leaving to coach Venezuela. “I love the heat”, was Thompsons’ only comment to his choise.
Insecure positioned managers:
Barton Villa manager John Always (former Foxham)
Shadwell manager David Putter
Hardham United manager Anthony Throwins
Bedford Athletic manager Tim Stringun
Lutham Forest manager Clive Masterson
Beastham manager Jock Day
In Conference League, Millhampton is dropping out of the system, and replaced by a new energic team called Notvery Athletic, from North in England.
Promoted from Conference is Exway Rovers. They switch place with Barkingsea.
30.04.2006
ROYAL FA CUP
—–
Finally we reach the last matches of The Royal FA Cup, and with no surprises.
Blackboys and Blackwell City played a dramatic and entertaining semifinal. With 11 goals on the pitch, the crowd went absolutly mad, and seemed to no longer care for which side who won.
“HAHA… A hell of a game it was,” said Blackwell manager Howard Little (former Everilla boss). He surely knows this is probably his last week in the manager chair with the club allready relegated. Northpark City on the other hand, are reaching for The Double this year.
Tim Bigfish, Daily News
21.04.2006
EUROPEAN KINGS LEAGUE UPDATE
—–
Livernal won on away goal against Tsjernobyl in first knockout round of the European Kings League.
But then they lost in the quarter-final against St.Provance, on the same away goal rule.
This means England is not longer represented in the competition.
With semi-finals played next week, it looks like the two Spanish sides Madridas, and Real Naranja are favorites.
03.04.2006
EVERILLA GET THRASHED!!!
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After a good first half by the Champions Northpark City, a total collapse in the second half resulted in another bad result, 0-5. “Now we are where we started again. The players will feel their lack of commitment in training”, manager McFist said.
Everilla plans to rebuild the squad for the next season, offloading loads of players, probably including record signing Ivan Vladivar (6 mill.) “He’s not done what we expected of him”, chairman Bergesen said. “We want to get in a couple of players with routine, and let players form our own youth get the chance. We are not able to compete with the wages the top-clubs pay to their stars. These days are over”, Bergesen said.
It seems like reality have finally got into the bosses of Everillas brains. The glory days of Everilla is for sure over, and it will take time to get them back to the top. The question is if Bergesen and Pedersen should step down and let others get the chance to get the damaged ship back on course. Not a bad idea!
01.04.2006
NORTHPARK CITY CELEBRATE CHAMPION-TITLE
—–
After crushing Everilla by 5-0 this weekend, Northpark City have gained the necessary points to close the race for the title. With 5 games left, and 16 points ahead, no one can pass them, and we can only congratulate. But the race for the European Cup positions continues. So does the struggle to avoid relegation.
Stig Bøyle, Daily News
25.03.2006
ANOTHER PLAYER ON LOAN
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With bad results, follows bad economy. And Everilla have suffered great time from it this season. So the only way to get new players, seem to be trying them out on loan. Recently the old experienced player Buddy Mudd from Axis City entered the doors at Goodinaux. The 35 year old fullback was brought in due to lot of injuries among the defenders.
Buddy Mudd was offered a loan-contract while driving his highly beloved tractor, plowing down his neighbor’s garden. Rumors says that a cold war has long been growing between the two neighbors.
“Herf herf… I’ll do it… ahaaa!” was Mudds reaction to the loan-offer, while putting the tractor in reverse, to back down his neighbor’s doghouse.
Stig Bøyle, Daily News
23.03.2006
ROYAL FA CUP QUARTER FINALS
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The Royal FA Cup Quarterfinals have been played with the following results:
Goford(1) – Blackboys(1) 0-0
Northpark City(1) – Ramshackle(2) 1-0
Oakwell Forest(1) – Tigers(2) 0-0
Blackwell City(1) – Turret Exit(3) 5-0
Magnus Tollefsrud (Goford) and Henrik Præsthus (Oakwell), are both seeing their team in a replay after goalless draws. Not very surprisingly Northpark City and Blackwell City made their way to the semifinal easily.
Semifinal draw:
The Royal FA Cup Semifinals will be played as followed:
Oakwell Forest/Tigers – Northpark City
Goford/Blackboys – Blackwell City
Chuck Brown
Daily News
17.03.2006
ROYAL FA CUP LATEST
—–
The Royal FA Cup 4th round replay has been played with the following results:
4th round replay
Bedford Athletic(1) – Ramshackle(2) 0-3
Folking Farm(c) – Turret Exit(3) 0-0, 0-1 aet
Blackboys(1) – Beastham(1) 5-0
Axis City(1) – Oakwell Forest(1) 2-4
Two big surprices in this replay. The Cupmasters Bedford Athletic was overrunned by an extremely good Ramshackle team from second division. And Oakwell Forest showed remarkable strength, pulling of a 4-2 victory away to Axis City, which was the bigest favorite for this years title.
The draw for the quarter finals has also been made. Please check our cup-page for further information.
Chuck Brown Daily News
01.03.2006
ENGLAND BEAT URUGUAY IN FRIENDLY
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England won 2-1 against Uruguay in their intarnationl friendly game this Wednesday. Uruguay took the lead in the first half, but England played a good second half, and turned the game around when Northpark City-striker E.Blowen entered the field, and soon after scored. K.Clone finnished the game with a goal in the last minutte.
26.02.2006
MAIDEN CITY HAVE WON THE ROYAL LEAGUE CUP
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David Hightackle have brought glory back to Maidstone. His men fought a bravely deserved victory against Northpark City in the Royal League Cup final. Surprising everyone when they manage to completely control the extra time halfs. “A result of our hard stamina-training” said Hightackle after the game. The Northpark-players looked tired, and could not resist the pressure “The Irons” put up.
So the trophy goes to Maiden City this year. Congratulations!!
23.02.2006
BACK TO NORMAL
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Due to server-problems, we have not been able to give you the latest news for a couple of weeks now. We apologize for your great suffering, and terrifying coincidences. But the problems is now solved, and once again you will be able to follow the Royal League closely.
The Royal FA cup has been played. Check the cup-link for details
The European cups has been played In European Kings League, Livernal face Tsjernobyl in the first knockout round. Barely loosing 3-2 away, they got a great advancement before the replay in March. In The European Princes League neither Axis City nor Oakwell Forest manage to reach the knockout round. So no Royal League teams is further represented in this competition.
The transfer-window has once again been shut, and will not allow any more transfers for a period.
Northpark City managed to sign midfielder Pere Stroika from Lego Warzawi in a £5 mill deal before the window was shut.
Everilla have lost many players due to loan contracts expiring. A.Day has hanged up his boots. Goalkeeper O.Hopkins and defender P.Batterhead have joined Woolvich County on loan. And G.Pink is sold to Claysen United in a 1,5 mill deal. Pink said he chose the club because of the colors of their match kits.
The latest results have brought Everilla further down towards the relegation-zone to accompany Maiden United, Blackwell City, Skid City and Covenham. Northpark City and Axis City are still at the top, poorly chased by Dedham County, Blackboys, Goford and Foxham. Oakwell Forest seem to have something going on with manager Henrik Præsthus in the chair, slowly climbing upwards.
Goford-manager Magnus Tollefsrud has been seen around in Norway lately. Rumors says he is trying to land a sponsorship-deal with a hearing system company, named Phonak.
31.01.2006
STUART McFIST NEW EVERILLA MANAGER
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The Scottish highlander Stuart McFist is the new Everilla manager. He signed a 3-year deal this afternoon with the club. His contract can be terminated if Everilla get relegated. McFist is known as “The Breaker” because of his dictator-like managing and hard work-outs.
He was just as hard as a player. He played 324 games as central defender with Abernian Thistle, hanging up his boots at the age of 39. Everilla-player Coop experienced him as a player in his first year as an Abernian-player. “I was so afraid of him. On my first training he went for a two-footed tackle, and hit me in the balls! I was out for 3 weeks.”
After he hung up his boots, he was one year in the Scottish army, before agreeing a deal to manage the Scottish champions St.Kingston, winning the league 6 years in a row.
“This will be the turning point of the season”, Everilla director Anders Bergesen said. The new manager will kick ass.
Stuart McFist: “I will kick some serious ass. Seven days a week. The players are a sorry bunch of wimps, this is going to hurt, serious.”
Karsten Pedersen was also very happy with the new signing. “This will put us back on track. I admit that appointing A.Day as a manager was no good idea, his CM-playing skills was overrated”.
A.Day has signed a contract as a chief-scout for Everilla.
So will this be a new begin for Everilla? Big words are being spoken, and that is not the first time …
we´ll wait and see.
Stig Bøyle, Daily News
29.01.2006
ROYAL FA CUP 3RD ROUND
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The 3rd round of the Royal FA cup was played this weekend without the bigest surprises.
3rd division side Southsea made a strong 1-0 victory against 1st division Lutham Forest away. And Ramshackle from division 2 won against a poor Dixton Town side. Maiden City continue their victorious cup-games with a 2-0 victory against Albion Rovers. So did Bedford Athletic, winning easy 3-0 home to Pearl Ham.
Game of the round was without doubt Manston City against Livernal, which ended in a 5-3 victory to Manston.
More details can be found on the cup-page.
Chuck Brown, Daily News
26.01.2006
TWO HORSE RACE BETWEEN HIGHTACKLE AND HARTMAIER
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Everilla bosses Pedersen and Bergesen have offered the vacant Everilla position to two managers!
This unusual approach was Pedersens idea:
“We want to test how dedicated they are, coming to us. We are still the biggest club in Britain!”
The two coaches has many similarities: they are both experienced and have a defensive philosophy
of football. And they are feared for hard training, and unusual methods.
Facts:
Helmut Hartmaier (54)
Current club: Dixton Town (3rd year)
Former Clubs: Heilheim
Titles:
German cup winner (2)
Promotion with Dixton Town
David Hightackle (49)
Current club: Maiden City (2.div, 2nd year)
Former clubs: Lilleborg (NOR)
Titles: 7 times Norwegian Champion
Hightackle and Hartmaier was not available for comment.
Tim Bigfish, Daily News
26.01.2006
MAIDEN CITY READY FOR LEAGUE CUP FINAL
—–
The 2nd leg of Royal League Cup semifinals have been played:
Bedford Athletic(1) – Northpark City(1) 0-0
Maiden City(2) – Foxham(1) 0-1
This means Northpark City and Maiden City will meet in the final after beating Foxham and cupholder Bedford Athletic on aggregate.
David Hightackle announced that he was very proud of his team. He still thinks he has to improve his side a lot to be ready for battling 1st division teams in the future. There might be brought in some reinforcement really soon.
The cup final will be played February 26th.
Jim McStern, Daily News
22.01.2006
A.DAY SACKED AS MANAGER
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The Everilla-board came to an agreement with A.Day this evening, that he should not continue his job as a manager for the club. After a heavy 6-1 defeat yesterday, the directors had no other choice than to fire the 43 year old veteran. Everilla have had an awfully bad season, going out of both the cups in the first rounds without scoring a goal, and struggling at the bottom-half of the table.
In a statement from the board it’s said that A.Day will continue in the club as a player, and are considering an offer as chief-scout for the club. The hunt for a new manager has began, and assistant manager Justin Case is getting the role as a caretaker in the meantime.
19.01.2006
MANAGERS ON THE MOVE
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Things have began to settle a bit for clubs who have been firing their managers.
Today the old manager of Everilla, Howard Little, signed for Blackwell City as their new manager. And at the same time Taggart McGuinness took the job in Tigers.
Claysen United have appointed Mavid O’Loyes, former Everilla-manager, as their new manager. And James Hardman, former Tigers boss, have signed as manager for Bringby Glovers. This surely fills some of the open jobs at the market. But there’s still someone who waits for the right boss.
Stig Bøyle, Daily News
18.01.2006
FA CUP
—–
The second round replay was played today, with a lot of surprises.
Please go to the cup-page for details.
17.01.2006
ON THE ROAD
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Everilla Director Karsten Pedersen is reported to been seen in Scotland at Premierclub St. Kingston office. If he talked to Kingston manager Stuart McFist is unknown, but after this weeks ultimatum for A.Day it might be the reason for his visit. Fellow Director Anders Bergesen said: “Eh … he was visiting his uncle who works as a ehh … postman for the club”… Other reports says Everilla might try to lure Goford manager Magnus Tollefsrud away from Walkers Stadium. If this is true is unknown.
Stig Bøyle, Daily News
13.01.2006
LATEST NEWS
—–
Many changes is going on in Royal League these days.
Both Covenham and Blackwell City have fired their managers, Gareth Jones and David Fulton, because of bad results.
Manager Kid Cox in Claysen United has also been fired, along with manager Gary Penance in Weston Palace. Neither of the two have showed good results this season, and instead of fighting for promotion, they seem to struggle to avoid relegation.
Directors of Everilla Wanderers have given manager A.Day an ultimatum. Only victory will be good enough on Saturday. A.Day has also been linked with the open job as a manager for Tigers in division 2. But Tigers have began winning lately, so they might considering to continue using their caretaker Taggart McGuinness.
Shadwell manager David Putter, and Axton Rovers manager John D. Best is two hot candidates for the manager job in Everilla. But rumors sais that Everilla- directors have been seen in Scotland lately.
Transfer news:
Northpark City is interested in paying good money for midfielder Pere Stroika from Lego Warzawi.
Axis City have been linked with the experienced Portuguese defender Licky Bantos, which is known for his brilliant speed.
Royal League Cup:
Semifinal first leg have been played.
Northpark City(1) – Bedford Athletic(1) 2-1
Foxham(1) – Maiden City(2) 0-3
David Hightackle have brought some glory moments to Maiden City lately. With a 3-0 victory away to Foxham, they are almost ready for the final before the second leg. The other semifinal between Northpark City and Bedford Athletic is still open.
Stig Bøyle, Daily News
09.01.2006
ROYAL FA CUP 2ND ROUND
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Happy New Year!
With the new year comes a greater challenge; The Royal FA Cup.
Nothing particular to say about this second round. Bedford is off course on to the next round.
Else there was some draws that will be replayed next week.
Please have a look at our cup-page for further information.
Chuck Brown, Daily News
21.12.2005
FOXHAM CELEBRATE CUP-VICTORY
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The crowd went absolutely mad at The Farm when The Foxes won 5-4 in an incredible match containing all the entertainment you can ask for. The victory means Foxham are ready for the semifinal in Royal League Cup. The draw is made so they will face Maiden City from division 2 at home. This means a good chance for The Foxes to play in a cupfinal this year.
Here are all the results from the Royal League Cup quarter finals:
Covenham(1) – Maiden City(2) 0-3
Northpark City(1) – Lutham Forest(1) 5-2
Southpool(2) – Bedford Athletic(1) 0-0, 0-4 aet
Foxham(1) – Newsham(1) 5-4
Once more Bedford Athletic have made it through, but they will face a difficult match in the semifinal against Northpark City.
We wish all the teams good luck, and a happy Christmas time!
Stig Bøyle, Daily News
05.12.2005
ROYAL FA CUP 1ST ROUND
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First round of Royal FA Cup has been played. No 1st or 2nd division teams are involved in this first stage.
The results were as following:
Westbury Rangers (3) – Penny United (c) 1-1
Pinkby Forest (3) – Braxton (3) 0-0
Worsted City (3) – Small Town (3) 3-2
Working (3) – Shadwell Town (3) 4-0
Upholster (3) – Turret Exit (3) 0-0
Plowingham (c) – Kane Albion (3) 1-3
Folking Farm (c) – Bringby Glovers (3) 0-0
Thimbleton (3) – Millhampton (c) 0-0
Loveford (3) – Barkingsea (3) 0-0
Army (3) – Tacklebury (c) 0-0
Livington (3) – Crushington (c) 4-0
Southsea (3) – Kidding East (3) 2-0
Fulton Howe (3) – Gunwall (3) 1-2
Barton Villa (3) – Chelbourne (3) 0-3
Islanders City (c) – Teddington (3) 0-0
Exway Rovers (c) – Willbury Argyle (3) 2-0
Replays will be played wednesday night, and the draw for next round, will be held next week.
Chuck Brown, Daily News
29.11.2005
ROYAL LEAGUE CUP 4TH ROUND
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4th round of Royal League Cup was played tonight, and here are the results:
Bedford Athletic (1) – Blackboys (1) 0-0, 1-0 aet
Gunwall (3) – Lutham Forest (1) 1-4
Prolix Home (2) – Northpark City (1) 0-0, 0-1 aet
Manston City (1) – Foxham (1) 0-1
Newsham (1) – Stonecastle (1) 0-0, 1-0 aet
Covenham (1) – Axis City (1) 3-1
Southpool (2) – Maiden United (1) 1-0
Maiden City (2) – Dedham County (1) 0-0, 3-1 aet
Gunwall did not managed another cup-surprise, when Lutham comfortable won 4-1. Two big surprises on the other hand was Dedham County and Axia City, who both lost to an obvios weaker side.
Bedford Athletic managed to reach the quarter final for the 3rd year in row in these competition.
The draw for the next stage will be held later this week.
Jim McStern, Daily News
23.11.2005
CARETAKER A.DAY DOES NO GOOD
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After last weeks training-camp, everilla-players was supposed to become in better shape. With weight on fitness and altitude, the players were expected to run over the other teams at the end of games. But that failed spectacularly against Stonecastle last Friday, when they lost 0-3 at home. Today we’ll see Everilla play in European Kings League, were they still have a chance to qualify for the next stage. But with the latest performance in mind, the experts does not leave them a chance in hell.
Some weeks ago, many believed that the returning of A.Day was exactly what the club needed. But dreams never came true under his command, and many people tied to the club are today blaming him for making things worse. Assistant manager Justin Case has had his fights with the new boss, early in Days’ returning, but they seem to be good friends these days. “Day was never meant to be a saviour in the first place” Case said. “We are in a big reorganization of the club, and it was essential to bring back some history and old traditions to the club. We are still working on the player-side of this reorganization, and that have disturbed many of the players to perform badly. As soon as we have built up the right first-team, and planned the future for the youth-team, things will settle.” he continued. But others have their doubts, and think that Day have made a lot of bad decisions lately.
We also know that most of the money is spent on upgrading training facilities, and stadium improvements; which means it could be difficult to upgrade the team any further. It might look like the champions did not follow a futuristic development, and relaxed in their glory instead. That’s a payment they pay big time now.
Stig Bøyle, Daily News
17.11.2005
EVERILLA FLIES AWAY
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Caretaker manager A.Day has taken his squad to a trainingcamp to the Scotland Highlands. “This is gonna be the hardest trainingcamp in Everilas history”, A.Day said. “We leave our footballboots at home”. Everilla is grounded at the bottom half of the table and desperatly need points. “This camp will seperate the men from the boys”, Day stated.
Stig Bøyle, Daily News
12.11.2005
IMPRESSIVE ENGLAND
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England made the country proud when they put on a great performance against Argentina in their friendly game in Switzerland. Argentina looked to control the game at a 2-1 lead in the second half. But then Dedham County-striker E.Bishop got 2 goals in his first international for England, making him man of the match, and match-winner. Coach Larry Leisure was verry happy with the performance, and is glad the players can perform at such a level in a friendly.
England 3 – Argentina 2.
Stig Bøyle, Daily News
10.11.2005
National Coach Larry Leisure has picked the following players for International friendly against Argentina 12/11:
Start Lineup:
H.Carter – Real Naranja – Striker
E.Bishop – Dedham County – Striker
S.Veasel – Inter Pompei – Winger
D.Payne – Axis City – Winger
D.Butthead – Real Naranja – Midfielder
J.Sandman – Anderloo – Midfielder
K.Clone – Heilheim – Defender
S.Gayle – Axis City – Defender
G.Breakwood – Dixton Town – Defender
P.Cramble – Eifel Paris – Defender
C.T.Sawer – Axis City – Goalkeeper
Subs:
E.Blowen – Northpark City – Striker
S.D.Knight – Skid City – Striker
L.Gadd – Livernal – Winger
T.Collins – Bedford Ath. – Midfielder
G.N.Clarke – Oxham Rovers – Defender
H.Fumble – Blackboys – Goalkeeper
Everilla defender R.Hart is left out. And the biggest surprise might be Dedham County striker E.Bishop in the starting lineup. Coach Larry Leisure have been observant lately and belive this is the strongest team at the moment. “Some have been left out because they are having a tough time in the league. And some are welcome because they have proved themselves worthy. Simple as that!”, was is only comment this morning.
Stig Bøyle, Daily News
09.11.2005
Dedham United is very pleased with the season so far beeing in third position. The new players, Josatinus and Easter “The Bunny” Bishop, has proved to greatly improve the squad and performance of the other players. After playing just 4 matches after his reaturn from Africa, Mr Bishop is already being scouted by the national team.
We feel confident the team will continue the progress and climb even further up the table. The league has just started and even though the distance up the second place is large, there’s still many points to conquer. We look forward to a week break before the next match against Maiden United. We feel confident we can beat them. We’ve also heard rumours of displeasure among their team as their manager has not turned up after his holiday. Their coach has done a tremendous job of keeping the team together and they have performed well the last matches, but how long can it last without a manager?
08.11.2005
It was with great excitement that Oakwell Forest’s new manager arrived at Stormbury today. But languages problems reared its ugly head on this first day, it was total confusion when Norwegian manager Henrik Præsthus managed to say “it is very nice to be here, now I would really like to se the u know…. Stall ?? umm….. stable !!” He was promptly taken to that stables next to Oakwell’s training facilities where Mr. Knugelfügel keeps his price winning horses. Mr. Præsthus first reaction was “No wonder you guys done win football matches” and he promptly put Mr. Knugelfügel’s favorite stallion Totsi on the transfer list. The mistake was corrected when Director Knugelfügel found Totsi on sale at Ebay later the same day.
Mr. Præsthus apologized for the misunderstanding and said he was looking forward to seeing the real squad tomorrow.
Some quotes taken from an interview “Gay world” did with Skid City manager Skrapparkar.
About Gay World
“It`s delightful to be interviewed by a happy magazine, now that everybody is so sad because of our crappy position in Royal League. It`s also an honour to be receiving the title; Gay Icon of the Year award. I try to stay glad, happy and gay eventhough we lose games.”
About entertainment and America
“Our biggest problem, except getting those important points, is the attendance. People don`t seem to enjoy scottish 80’s style football. A couple of games ago we tried to entertain people also outside of the field. Unfortunately the 250 monkeys we had hired from Manchester Zoo escaped and started attacking kids og women. A bad mistake from our part, and the monkeys of course… Our next home game after that incident gave us a record low attendance, something which is quite understandable.
Now I`m looking west, to the great States of America. A country which has a great winning history. Vietnam, Cuba, Hawaii and now Iraq. These people win AND entertain at the same time. Just look at their great leader George W. Bush. A truly intelligent man and truly a manager of the world. Anyways, I`m going to adopt cheerleaders to european football. But we europeans don`t like young, blonde girls in short skirts. We prefer old, experienced virgins. Or MILFS. We love virgin mothers.
Eh. Get it? That`s why I went to Rome, to buy some MILF-cheerleaders. Quite a successful trip I might say. So come to our next homegame people, we will probably not win, but we will entertain you with these women:”
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v148/skrappar/Roma/Kamera172.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v148/skrappar/Roma/Kamera170.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v148/skrappar/Roma/Kamera168.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v148/skrappar/Roma/Kamera215.jpg
About dressing
“Well, you now, the skinnvest is a big part of my heritage. It has a long tradition in the outskirts of rural Hedmark, where men with skinnvest and kvitskjorte (skin vest and white shirt) drink a lot of homemade alcohol and beat their women. I could never wear anything else. It`s my bunad. I eat, sleep and shit in my skinnvest.
I just love it. It`s so stylish.”
BUY GAY WORLD TODAY!
07.11.2005
OAKWELL FOREST WITH NEW MANAGER
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Oakwell Forest have signed Henrik Præsthus from Norway as their new manager. The clubs board have long been looking for a wind of change from their mid- table position. “This will hopefully give us some better results,” said director Hainz Kake Knugelfügel to the press. “We have seen what the Norwegians
is capable to do, with Dedham County placed on 3rd. And we know he’s done well in Norway.”
Henrik Præsthus had great success with the Norwegian local team Munkerud Mushrooms, and will hopefully ad alot of his tactical idèas to the club.
Stig Bøyle
Daily News
03.11.2005
EVERILLA SIGNS GREAT TALENT
With A.Day as their new manager, room for changement have been clearified by the board of Everilla Wanderers. Last week the Wanderers signed 20 year old Warren Wrexter from Livernal in a £3,5 mill. deal. The talentful striker was put into the first team at once, and scored 3 times in his two first games.
“I happen to know little Warrens father”, A.Day said in an interview. “We were hanging around downtown, singing some old footballsongs, pissing at doors and shout pervertical sentences to women, a couple of year ago.” he said.
The once so bright future at Goodinaux Park, is in great danger with few points in the bottom half of the table. And the clubs board, with Anders Bergesen and Karsten Pedersen in charge demands a lot more of their staff and players. So it surely is a relief that Warren Wrexter found the way to goal at an early stage in his career at Goodinaux.
28.10.2005
BREAKING NEWS – BREAKING BONES
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Skid City`s sweeper (an old forgotten position) Chris Rush Bones was jailed last night after punching Neil Dimonds father Frank “Fake” Dimond in the face after a quarrel about Frank`s daughter “Big” Bertha Dimond. C. Rush Bones allegedly grabbed Bertha`s behind at the local pub Skid Rock. Rumors say that Frank took one hell of a beating. We’ll be back with more as soon as we hear anything.
JAMES HARDMAN SACKED!
After Saturdays 3-4 defeat to Cannon Town, there was no escape for Tigers Manager James Hardman. The Ex- Everilla assistant was fired and are now looking for a job. The Manager-position of the traditional club Tigers is available.
27.10.2005
EVERILLA BOSS O´LOYES GET THE SACK!!!!
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Just an hour after Everillas “ultimatebadpreformance” against Axis City in the Cup (0-3), Anders Bergesen and Karsten Pedersen called to a press conference: “We have decided to fire Everilla manager Mavid O´Loyes, because of bad results”, Pedersen said. “We wanted to take the next step this season, and that was including defending the championship, not only be successful in Europe!” “We have suffered all season”, Bergesen said. “The team performance has been bad, and we need new impulse to kick-start the season. That´s why we are giving A.Day the chance to prove himself. He´s a natural leader and is going to be our caretaker player-manager until further. It´s up to him now to prove himself.”
“A.Day hasn´t got too much experience as manager, but his 24 titles at Championship Manager, gives him enough quality. We have no doubt that he will take us back to were we belong”, Pedersen said. Mavid O´Loyes was very upset and started crying on the phone as we tried to talk with him. “They are so mean to me”, was the only thing he said. A.Day´s only comment was: “Piece of cake, I´m the right man, dudes”. He takes place on the bench when Everilla take on Bedford Athletic on Goodinaux.
24.10.2005
DEDHAM COUNTY SIGNS ON NEW STRIKER!
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Dedham county yesterday called in a press conference, making a statement regarding their new striker, Easter “The Bunny” Bishop.
Our team’s captain, the brasilian satanist Josatinus, has high expectations to everyone and our previous striker could not take the pressure to perfom. Mr Bishop was signed on as a replacement, and is well capable of performance under pressure, being a man of belief and God. He has not been playing in Europe for a decade, but has been traveling Africa. There he has been playing for several major clubs, working both as a player and a priest. He has an excellent technique, and does some unbelievable stuff with the ball.
We all believe in mr Bishop and expect him to perform excellent.
21.10.2005
RUMORS HEARD AT THE LOCAL PUB “SKID ROCK”
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Skid City has offered Goford 33 million Deutsche Mark for Goford-manager Magnus Tollefsrud. The Skidsters are planning to use Mr. Tollefsrud as a right midfielder, in a Jostein Flo(era 1994)-position. Manager Sætereie has recently successfully adopted tactics (as proven with their 1 – 0 win over Goford) from the legendary Norwegian coach Drillo in a mixture with Hibernian`s filty formula from their season of 1983. Manager Sætereie, a.k.a Skrapparkar, wants to play boring, dull football with no flash or magic. Why, you might ask? Because Skrapparkar wants the eighties back, they way they were in Scotland. Ugly, primitive football with long balls, hairy balls and crazy tackling – loose teeth and remains of human flesh on the pitch at the end of a rainy, dreadful game. Magnus Tollefsrud is believed to fit this new attitude perfectly. Manager Skrapparkar is calling his new philosphy a breakthrough in modern football. He has therefore labeled this revolution; “The New Skids on the Block!”
Behold the upcoming madness of the Skids. We will prevail.
Hail!
19.10.2005
SOUTHPOOL BRIGHT FUTURE
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The Southpool born buisnessman and erotic shop salesman John Wanker has bought “the Reds”. Southpool are currently top of division two and according to Mr.Wanker the furure is bright: ” We want to play in the first division next year, in two years we want the league title, then the Kings League”, he said. He´s supposed to pump £40 mill. into the club. Leaving manager Wayne Stockman £30 mill for new players. This could also hold promising U21 striker Scott Young at the club. Young (20) is the leading topscorer in the division with 12 goals in 14 matches.
18.10.2005
LATEST NEWS
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-Axis City seems unbeatable, after crushing Blackwell City 4-0 in their last game. Poor Blackwell find themselves at the bottom of the table; and are probably the biggest disappointment of the season. Blackwell won the European Kings League last season.
-Everilla have finally started to grab some points again. After beating Newsborough 2-1 in the final minutes, and manage to play for a draw away against Stonecastle, they are clearly heading for better days. Manager O’Loyes is a bit more relaxed.
-Skid City made a sensational victory away against Goford in their last match. Skid City striker Satur D. Knight was the only goal-scorer of that game; and he is having a great season under manager Steffen Sætereie.
-Maiden United and Dedham Town made an 1-all draw when they met in their last game. Dedham have not made the results go their way in their last games, and rumors about some reinforcement have been in the papers lately.
-Foxham managed the final whistle to blow at a 2-2 result, away against Oxham Rovers. That’s very impressive with Oxhams latest results in mind. Foxham still have a long way to go.
-At the table we find Axis City and Northpark City at the very top.
Goford are number 5 with 20 points.
Stonecastle are number 6 with 20 points.
Dedham are number 7 with 20 points.
Everilla are number 13 with 17 points.
Foxham are number 16 with 16 points.
Skid City are number 20 with 13 points.
Maiden Utd. are number 22 with 12 points.
17.10.2005
JAMES HARDMAN IN TROUBLE
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Tigers manager and former Everilla assistant is in deep trouble. After a dreadful start to the season, and a 22nd place in the table, he´s got tons of pressure. Tigers Chairman Rolf Rolfton said: ” If he doesn´t win the next game, he´s history! The young team lack of confidence and have taken huge beatings by Axton Rovers (1-7, biggest defeat in League history) and other teams in the division. Also Tigers National player J.Daniels (20)wants to to quit the club. “This is a disaster-club, and the coach is crap!”, he said after only 3 months at “The Zoo”. If he should decide to leave, many clubs will be in line to sign him.
James Hardman is Tigers manager for another week after beating Hardham United 1-0 at the Zoo this weekend. The Tigers chairman said: “This was a good result for us, but we´re not happy. He has to win the next two games if he´s going to keep his job”.
Stig Bøyle, Daily News
07.10.2005
A.DAY MAKES A STUNNING COMEBACK!!!
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Stig Bøyle, Daily News
Former Everilla-hero A.Day is making a stunning comeback for the first team! Now at the age of 43 he will turn on the boots for his beloved Everilla in times of trouble. “I´m looking for a new challenge. Running a pub was not enough for me”, Day said. Manager O´Loyes who desperate need some points in the league, proudly presented his “new” signing: ” Andy still has a hammer shot! Although he´s not very fast, he´s the man to take us out of trouble. Other people have to take care of the running”, he said. A.Day gets his famous number 9 shirt back, not used by any Everilla player since he left.
Some people are suggesting that this is only a publicity trick from O´Loyes to generate some positive vibes. How an untrained 43 year old wants to lift Everilla back on top of the Royal League?: ” With heart”, A.Day said.
Eh, we´ll see…
04.10.2005
LATEST NEWS
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Being over two months into the season, things starts to indicate the outcome of it. It’s clear that Maiden United and Skid City will both be battling hard to avoid relegation this year. Both teams have new managers of the season, and the fans will surely blame them, if the bad results continues. Goford started dramatically bad this season, but have raised themselves to be a team to count on. And along with Stonecastle and Dedham County, they could be favorites for the title to anyone. Foxham is clearly a mid-table team this year, which was about what the fans and club expected. Poor Everilla have gone from bad to worse in results lately, and manager O’Loyes is under heavy pressure. The two-years title holder, have been doing everything wrong since the sale of H.Carter. But still there’s a lot of games to be played. So stay with us in Daily News!
Stig Bøyle Daily News
20.09.2005
FANS TURN AGAINST O´LOYES
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After a bad start in the season, the Everilla faithful turn against the manager. Fan-club president Thomas Shoutby told Daily News:
“The next home game will be boycotted! If they play like in the last weeks, the manager has to go!”
O´Loyes has had a slow start to the season, currently on place nine, with several points up to the leading teams. Also chairman Karsten Pedersen was not happy with the situation: “This is disgraceful!”, he said, before turning up his Mercedes SLK.
Stig Bøyle, Daily News
19.09.2005
LATEST FROM SKID CITY
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With only 7 points in 8 games, manager Skrapparkar finally takes the leaf out of his mouth
(“tar bladet fra munnen”) and gives the following press release:
The murder of Skid City captain and superstar, Neil “The Diamond” Dimond, has affected this seasons opening. Regretfully Neil`s younger brother Phil D. (“Pedo”) Dimond has not stepped up to the plate and delivered. Being only 13 years old and 3 months, who can really blame him? However, starstrikers Chris McPee and Satur D. Knight has surprised the Skid-audience with flare, style and ability to score some pearly goals (perlemål). 10 goals so far, a very good star compared to last season. We feel things are moving in the right direction, and with a little luck on our side – we will start climbing the league table from the crappy, shitass, mongoloid and disgraceful 19th-position we are in now. Cheers and have a lovely weekend.
Cinq has this brief comment on Skid City`s season opening:
“Ahh, verdamntes schweinhund! Ich habe angst und Der Führer Skrapparkar ist nur eine Hund mit ihre halen im eine Tyttebærsyltøy kopf! Ich demand results! Trenieren hart macht frei! Aber ich liebe meine neues Hund Fido. Er ist eine Schäeferhund. Gross und geil! Jaja, hunds ist auch menschen. Nein? Ah, eine bischen menschen. Aber Skid City will prevail! Sieg Skid! Sieg Skid! Voff! VOFF!!1 Kom hier Fido. Deine geile Rævhund. Come hier! Jaja.”
15.09.2005
EUROPEAN KINGS LEAGUE
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First round of group-stage have been played in European Kings League this week.
There are two groups we have choosed to focus on. E and F, where our brave English teams are participating.
In group E, Everilla once again face heavy competition, after last years disaster. This first game they lost 3-1 against Stalin, leaving them with only 1 draw in a totally 7 games in Europe. Lilleborg surprisingly won 1-0 against Prahaha. Their manager Vegar Beide was extremely pleased with the result. “Howdy Folks!! Will be great beating Everilla too.” he said in a strange English-Norwegian dialect.
In group F, last years champion Blackwell City, demonstrated their strength, beating Anderloo 3-1. Also newcomer Livernal did a great performance, beating Lego Warzawi 3-0. Experts think Livernal will be the best team in this group, and might reach far in the Kings League this year.
Tim Bigfish, Daily News
03.09.2005
LATEST NEWS
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Six rounds have been played of the season so far, and here is the table at this point:
| Pos | Team | P | W | D | L | F | A | GD | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Axis City | 6 | 5 | 0 | 1 | 14 | 7 | 7 | 15 |
| 2 | Northpark City | 6 | 4 | 1 | 1 | 13 | 3 | 10 | 13 |
| 3 | Dixton Town | 6 | 4 | 1 | 1 | 10 | 6 | 4 | 13 |
| 4 | Dedham County | 6 | 3 | 2 | 1 | 12 | 8 | 4 | 11 |
| 5 | Livernal | 6 | 3 | 2 | 1 | 7 | 4 | 3 | 11 |
| 6 | Stonecastle | 6 | 3 | 2 | 1 | 8 | 6 | 2 | 11 |
| 7 | Blackboys | 5 | 3 | 1 | 1 | 6 | 3 | 3 | 10 |
| 8 | Newborough | 6 | 3 | 1 | 2 | 8 | 8 | 0 | 10 |
| 9 | Oakwell Forest | 6 | 3 | 1 | 2 | 6 | 8 | -2 | 10 |
| 10 | Everilla Wanderers | 6 | 2 | 3 | 1 | 9 | 7 | 2 | 9 |
| 11 | Quickford | 6 | 2 | 3 | 1 | 5 | 3 | 2 | 9 |
| 12 | Foxham | 6 | 2 | 2 | 2 | 8 | 7 | 1 | 8 |
| 13 | Bedford Athletic | 6 | 2 | 2 | 2 | 5 | 8 | -3 | 8 |
| 14 | Goford | 5 | 2 | 1 | 2 | 6 | 5 | 1 | 7 |
| 15 | Manston City | 6 | 1 | 3 | 2 | 6 | 8 | -2 | 6 |
| 16 | Skid City | 6 | 1 | 3 | 2 | 5 | 7 | -2 | 6 |
| 17 | Covenham | 6 | 1 | 3 | 2 | 8 | 11 | -3 | 6 |
| 18 | Beastham | 6 | 1 | 3 | 2 | 8 | 11 | -3 | 6 |
| 19 | Lutham Forest | 6 | 1 | 1 | 4 | 10 | 11 | -1 | 4 |
| 20 | Oxham Rovers | 5 | 1 | 1 | 3 | 6 | 9 | -3 | 4 |
| 21 | Albion Rovers | 6 | 1 | 1 | 4 | 5 | 10 | -5 | 4 |
| 22 | Maiden United | 5 | 0 | 3 | 2 | 2 | 4 | -2 | 3 |
| 23 | Newsham | 6 | 0 | 3 | 3 | 4 | 8 | -4 | 3 |
| 24 | Blackwell City | 6 | 0 | 1 | 5 | 3 | 12 | -9 | 1 |
Axis City is atop with Northpark City, and the big surprise Dixton Town. Dedham County have clearly been favorable after their signing of the Brazilian defender Josatinus, and won 2-1 against last year champion Everilla in their last game. That was the first loss for Everilla so far this season. In the other end of the table Skid City and Goford have began winning, and have climbed out of the relegation zone, leaving Maiden, Newsham, and Blackwell to struggle for the hard needed points.
The transfermarked are still open, and Everilla have had some rumors around about goalie O.Hopkins leaving for an offer. It is also said that after the failure of signing Neil Dimmond, they are now looking for a new midfielder despite the loss of money to bail chairman Bergesen out of jail.
Gofords signing of Gjert Fylking has yet to be proved worthy. Fylking has problems with settlement. We tried to get a comment on this case, but was told to “f**k off” once more by the director.
Jon Eirik Sternang is on a run with Dedham County at the moment. His skill as their new manager seem to be worth a medal, should we believe the fans and players in Hull.
Both Stonecastle and Foxham have been in silence for a while. After assassination attempt on Stonecastles King Arthur, moving plans have been delayed. And the fans are more curious about the season going on at the moment.
Foxham have had some problems with Andy’s grandma playing, but the season seems to be good to both teams.
Stig Bøyle, Daily News
10.08.2005
AT THE BEGINNING….
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With only two games played, the biggest surprise in Royal League seem to be Goford, with their lack of performance. Zero points after two defeats is not what the club was expecting. But there’s still lot of time to catch up with the others. Axis City and Dixton Town on the other hand, have had a flying start. They’re at the head of the table with two victories. Dixton manager Helmut Hartmaier is extremely pleased with his team, and hope to continue to grab victories for his club. “I will do the best to keep the team within the 10 best”, he said to Daily News. With promotion last year, Dixton Town was never seen as a favourite for the title. And still there’s a lot of games to be played.
30.07.2005
WHO WILL BE THE CHAMPIONS?
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Here is the bookmakers latest odds for the coming season:
Newsham 5/1
Goford 11/2
Stonecastle 11/2
Livernal 7/1
Blackboys 10/1
Everilla W. 14/1
Oakwell Forest 14/1
Axis City 14/1
Beastham 16/1
Foxham 16/1
Quickford 20/1
Northpark City 20/1
Manston City 33/1
Bedford Athletic 33/1
Maiden United 40/1
Dixton Town 50/1
Dedham County 50/1
Lutham Forest 66/1
Blackwell City 66/1
Oxham Rovers 100/1
Albion Rovers 100/1
Newborough 100/1
Skid City 150/1
Covenham 150/1
Due to internal unrest, Everilla will not be this years favorite. Newsham have shown strength trough a great pre-season, and will be this years biggest favorite, followed by Goford and Stonecastle which both longing for a piece of success. Skid City and Covenham is not left a chance this year. New owners, and new managers have disturbed the teams trough an awful pre-season.
20.07.2005
DICK TATOR FROM SKID CITY ARRESTED
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“Saftblander” Dick Tator was earlier today arrested for the murder of Neil Dimond.
Skid City won`t comment on the arrest before they have gotten all the details from the police.
On the bright side of the sun; Skid City signs Steve Peck. Steve Peck is a hard and tough forward who Mr. Rayovac discovered at a whorehouse in Amsterdam. On a local channel on the television, of course. Minutes later the deal was done. Steve Peck will probably glide straight in the starting line up. “Cheers, queers.” was the only comment from manager Sætereie.
EVERILLA BOSS BERGESEN RELEASED FROM PRISON / EVERILLA GOES RIOT
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Everilla boss Anders Bergesen was released from prison yesterday after being accused for murdering Skid City midfielder Neil Dimond. Because of lack of evidence, Bergesen could be released after paying a huge amount of money. This meens Everilla can´t buy any more players this pre season without selling. Bergesen was sent directly from the prison to the Scotland highlands to recover from his “mental-sickness”. He might miss the opening match of the season.
After winning the Svolvær Cup for the second time in a row, Everilla-players celebrated heavliy in the local pub, cafe and postoffice “Fæsken”. All furnitures was destroyed. New signing Wayne Youngblood was seen urinating in a lamp.
DEDHAM COUNTY SIGN ON WELL KNOWN SATANIST!
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Manager Jon Eirik Sternang reports that he has signed the famous Brasilian defender, and national team player, Josatinus.
Josatinus is a tremendous player with a rough, and barely fair, playingstyle. His emitted aura and looks makes any striker think twice on which direction they are heading with the ball. He’s also a big motivator for his team-colleagues as they know that they are in for a ‘treat’ if they fail his expectations. Reportedly he has ambitions of obtaining the captains role at Dedham County.
“As of his satanism, this is his private business, and we encourage all of our players to engage in spare-time hobbies as long as they keep their priorities right.” said Jon Eirik to Daily News.
Stig Bøyle, Daily News.
30.06.2005
EVERILLA DIRECTOR ANDERS BERGESEN ARRESTED!!!
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This morning the police special forces stormed the villa of Anders Bergesen, Everilla director, and took him to further questioning at the headquarters. Bergesen was taken away, only dressed with a champange-glass, dripping wet from the whirlpool with four blondes with oversized tits. The only thing he could say was: “I didn´t do it!!!!”. He is accused for the possible murder of Skid city midfielder Neil Dimond, who is still missing, and at least misses his right hand. Bergesen was last seen with the player at the fancy restaurant “The Bollocks” in downtown Manchester. He was probably the last person to see Dimond before his disappearing.
Fellow Everilla-director Karsten Pedersen said: “Anders is a nice guy, he don´t do things like that”.
Other people close to Bergesen, told Daily News that he might have been to “cocky” after all the recent Everilla success, driving around in his hometown Svene with a Porsche Boxter and goldjewelry around all bodyparts. “He has taken it a bit too far”, his old friend Pål Nordseth said. “He always wanted more and more, and was never satisfied. This is surely his path to the dark side”. Although the police have no direct evidence of Bergesen, hurting or killing Neil Dimond, this is for sure bad publicity for the reign champions Everilla, who starts to prepare for the new season at the Svolvær-Cup this weekend.
Manager O´Loyes might have to stop his transfer activity, if Bergesen need money to pay himself out of jail.
Stig Bøyle, Daily News
28.06.2005
GOFORD SIGNS SWEDISH INTERNATIONAL PLAYER
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Another player set to join Goford next month is Sweden’s Gjert Fylking. A £2.5m deal has been finalized with Fintracht Erankturf for the midfielder being hailed as the new Freddie Ljungberg in his native country. Fylking has been a regular for Sweden this year and can play on either flank. He is quick, with an eye for goal and was persuaded to join Goford by Tollefsrud after Eintracht Frankfurt were eliminated from the Champions League. The player, who celebrated his 25th birthday earlier this month, has been tracked by the London club since starring in Euro 2004. He has also received favorable reports about Goford from fellow international and good, stabile friend Tomas Broiler. A Goford source said: “Gjert may not be well-known in this country but this will soon be viewed as a very big transfer for the club. “He has the same drive from midfield as Freddie Ljungberg. He’s particularly effective when he’s running with the ball and he likes to press forward to join the attack” say an unwilling, but satisfied Manager Tollefsrud in a short comment.
27.06.2005
NEWS FROM SKID CITY
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The talented midfielder Neil Dimond is missing.
Skid City is expecting the worst after Neil Dimond failed to show up for the usual 10 o`clock pre-training pint at the local boozer The Waxie`s Dargle. Neil Dimonds right hand was found five minutes later in Skid City`s locker room with a pen stabbed right in the middle of it. The German pornographic/S&M nazi-magazine Heil Homo was also found in the same room. Rumors circulate in Manchester that Skid City owners Rayovac and Cinq has taken affairs because of the contact Dimond had with Everilla. This is of course just speculations and Skid City denies all accusations relating to the murder of Neil Dimond. Ehm, we mean, disappearance. We hope and pray, pray and hope, that Neil will return to tomorrows practice in good shape, though without a right hand, but whatever – he`s neither Maradona or a keeper.
EVERILLA CLOSE IN ON SKID CITYs NILE DIMOND
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Everilla have had secret meetings with Skid Citys midfield jewel Neil Dimond. “This is not the fact”, Anders Bergesen desperately said. “We don´t contact players before the club. But we are interested in him, but it was impossible to reach manager Sætereie, because he is always on holiday. But a lot of people have seen, Bergesen together with Dimond in the fancy restaurant “Bollocks” in downtown Manchester. “I also saw Dimond sign some kind of paper”, said the 54 year old housewife Jenny Allure. Is this the end of Everillas gentleman-policy? We are waiting for answers …
JON EIRIK STERNANG SIGNS FOR “GRAVEDIGGERS”
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Another Norwegian have entered Royal League this morning. Dedham County proudly presented Mr.Sternang as their new manager, and assure us that he will bring glory and trophies to the Hull-club. Mr. Sternang told the press that he would give everything for the club, as long as he could go skiing in Norway during the winter. Mr.Sternang is also known as Johnny “Red-Label”, for is engagement on the sideline and ability to encourage the players to play far to hard, seeing the red card very often. We wish Mr.Sternang and Dedham County good luck.
Stig Bøyle, Daily News
21.06.2005
ASSASSINATION ON STONECASTLE HEAD KING ARTHUR!
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In context with the Club-move to a new Stadium in Scotland a current unknown person attacked King Arthur with a battle-ax this afternoon.
Although Arthur wasn’t seriously wounded, the whole team was shocked about this unpredictable attack of a pretended supporter. In a first inquisition the man from Northern England said he was angry about the move because he will never ever travel to bloody Scotland to see his team. His next victim should be Binder who disposed this argumentatively decision. Incidentally the team still can’t announce any new players because the solid construction of the new “Stonetemple” is supposed to be much more expensive than planned. Nevertheless; works continue and the new arena should be finished in a record-time of only 12 weeks.
Jim McStern, Daily News
20.06.2005
GOFORDMANAGER SEEN IN FRANKFURT
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Mr.Tollefsrud, manager of Goford, was observed in Frankfurt this weekend.
Rumors says that Goford will try to sign Aber Überascht from the local club Schneller Sportsverein.
Mr.Tollefsrud claim that he was just on a holiday. But Schneller Sportsverein says that Aber Überascht could join Goford if the offer is good enough. They need money to pay for the directors funeral, who passed away last week.
We asked the Goford-director of his version, but was told to f*ck off.
DRUNKEN MAIDENMANAGER????
A highly observant journalist from a local newspaper in north of Norway called “Stjerna og Planeta”, caught manager Sverre Mundheim in some strange monkeybusiness at Tromsing clubhouse. The picture attached shows Mr.Mundheim smelling some local and illegal brandy served by the clubs’ chairman and manager. According to Maiden United, Mr. Mundheim was on a scout-mission to watch some talents from the icy north. But the same journalist observed Mundheim rather drunk at a pub later on, and could tell us that no games was played in the league this weekend.
Stig Bøyle, Daily News
16.06.2005
EVERILLA WITH NEW SIGNING FROM WENTWAY HUNT!
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Today manager O´Loyes could announce his third signing for the summer. This time an unknown player from 3rd division team Wentway Hunt. His name is Gobo Triantafyllou, 22, left back. “This is a very interesting player. He was very good in Hunts FA-Cup dream-season last year (semifinal). He is quick and physical.”, O´Loyes said. He has signed a three year deal, with Everilla paying Westway Hunt only £250.000. After 50 games they have to pay another 500.000, and should “Gobo” get international caps for England, they have to pay a fat 3.5 mill bill.
Rumors say that O´Loyes next target is Skid City star-midfielder Neil Dimond (21). If City is interested in giving away one of Britain’s biggest talent is unknown.
Stig Bøyle, Daily News
15.06.2005
MAIDEN UNITED SIGN SVERRE MUNDHEIM AS MANAGER
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So it was confirmed early this morning; Mr. Mundheim will be the new manager of Maiden United, and lead them in their first season ever in division 1. A historic event for Maiden-fans.
Mundheim have already demanded an hour based salary of 666 Norwegian Kroner, and that Mr.Alexander “The Great” will be in his coach-staff.
Changes also going on at Iron Stage, where there will be installed a lot of floodlight and more lamps in the corridors, as Mr.Mundheim has a slightly fear of the dark.
Welcome to Royal League Mr.Mundheim
Tim Bigfish
Daily News
14.06.2005
GREEN LIGHT FOR STONECASTLE-MOVE
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The RLA-president Duck Bathtub told the press this morning that they have given Stonecastle a green light for their plans to move the club. The only problem seem to be some angry scottish people along the border.
“We’ll faight theese bloddy Inglish peeple” a big red bearded fellow told us as he stalked around the Knights Arena. Many people in North-England think there’s a possibility for war in this case.
JON EIRIK STERNANG AND SVERRE MUNDHEIM LINKED WITH ROYAL LEAGUE
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Two Norwegians have been seen around some of the clubs in Royal League.
Both Sverre Mundheim and Jon Eirik Sternang is big candidates for a manager-job.
Both Dedham County and Maiden United have been mentioned, but still this is just speculations.
SILENT AND SECRET AT GOFORD
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Noone knows what’s going on at Walkers Stadium at the moment. After signing Magnus Tollefsrud as manager no comments or press-releases have been made. When we tried to reach director Dilbert Dawson we only got his usual comment: “F*ck off”. And the gardener could only say that a new turf was laid yesterday. It looks like everyone is forbidden to talk.
Stig Bøyle, Daily News
10.06.2005
EVERILLA SIGN IVAN VLADIVAR FOR A RECORD £ 6.300.000
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Everilla officials confirmed today the record signing of the Russian central defender Ivan Vladivar (26). Vladivar, also called “The Wall” looked totally unemotional at the press conference, and although the journalists asked several questions, he only kept on repeating: “I, win title!” Hopefully he will be more communicative in the heart of Everillas defense when the season starts. “We have to give Ivan time”, said manager O´Loyes. ” He has never in his whole life been outside Russia. But he is one of the best defenders in Europe and I´m convinced that he will contribute to bring more glory to this club”.
When we asked O´Loyes of Everillas ambitions, Vladivar answered before the manager could open his mouth: “I, BIG! I, WIN TITLE”.
SKID CITY SIGNS DICK TATOR
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The half German, half Irish – Dick Tator signs for Skid City.
Also known as “Drunken Dick Tator” from the time he cooperated with Brian Clough, Mr. Tator is sure as hell going to bring some action to the Skidsters. He will glide smoothly into the role as a “saft blander” (Norwegian title). A “saft blander” is responsible for giving the players water and/or vodka before game time, water at half-time (or Irish Whiskey if it`s chilly outside) and Norwegian homeburnt and German schnapps after the game. Dick Tator had this comment after the signing session at the local pub: “BLAEEERGH!!! I`m shitsters drunk und das ist eine geglücklich time für mich das ich have signed für das greatest fuckin` club in England! Perfect timing too, since I have been unemployed ever since Clough`s death. Tragic, verdamtes schwein. Man braucht kein Prophet zu sein, um zu sehen, daß auch auf uns Katastrophen zukommen, die wir uns heute nicht vorzustellen vermögen, sei es in geopolitischer oder ökologischer Hinsicht. I fuckin` liebe das manager Steffen Sætereie und ich habe knowledge about Rayovac and Cinq that makes this an offer I can`t refuse…BLAAERGH, or abuse…Exsqueeze me, I`m thirsty, now fuck off und HAIL SKID CITY! I have to take a piss!” Further comments were impossible to get because of a fight at the men`s room that had an unfortunate ending for Dick Tator. A severe concussion, four stitches in the face, three missing teeth and two black eyes led him to the local hospital for a short stay.
Skid City hopes for a quick recovery and wishes Dick Tator all the best in his new job!
WILL STONECASTLE BE MOVED?
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Stonecastle head King Arthur confirmed rumors about negotiations with RLA-president about approval of moving the club north across the border. Although this venture sounds unpromisingly and is the first attempt in the history of the Royal League you never should underrate the influence of King Arthur. Results are awaited next week after a meeting at Arthur’s holiday residence.
Jim McStern, Daily News
08.06.2005
LATEST FOXHAM-NEWS
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The new manager went straight in to the transfer market with a budget of £10 000 and two packets of Marlboro lights!!
His first target was Jerry Tanry from Blackboys, unfortunately Blackboys-manager Steve Reeves said although he was very flattered at the offer, he didn’t think Tanry should be playing for any opponent at the moment, but we could have Zehman for £10 and a chocolate bar!. After chasing other players such as Rumbledinho and Buttham, Andy had to settle for his grandmother who could play every second week.
PLAYERS ON THE MOVE
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As earlier announced, R.Wilkins and N.Hudson leave Everilla today.
N.Hudson have finally hanged up his boots after a long career in Everilla. He was one of the players that formed the very first Everilla-team back in 1989.
“I promise you that this is not the last word from Hudson. He will still be around” said manager O’Loyes to the press this afternoon.
R.Wilkins came to be a pain in the ass for O’Loyes this season, and had his contract terminated. “If he shows his lazy ass in my office, to demand a new Ferrari once more, I’ll have him shot” was manager O’Loyes final word in that case.
Tim Bigfish
Daily News
06.06.2005
STONECASTLE TAKEOVER COMPLETE
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The German business genius Tobi Binder is about to take over the troubled club Stonecastle.
After finishing 2nd in 2003/04, this years season was a big disappointment ending at 14th place.
The mysterious “King Arthur” has chosen is successor himself. Although Binder can do whatever he wants, King Arthur can come in and have the last word in all cases. “This will be no problem, Binder said. “I know “King Arthur” since I was a little boy, he is like a father to me who I can ask for advice if needed”. Rumors are saying that he might move the whole club to Scotland and build a new super-stadium in the Highlands.
Surly this would break the rules of the RLA (Royal League Association), saying that all clubs playing in RL has to be in England.
But: Stoncastle has a man called “King Arthur” .
Welcome to the real world Mr. Binder.
FOXHAM SIGNS ANDY HEDGES AS THEIR NEW MANAGER
—–
Just 4 hours after announcing that they were looking for a new manager, Foxham suddenly settled for Andy Hedges.
This is probably record fast negotiation and signing in the manager market ever.
The press wasn’t even ready to write the story about Foxham wanted a new manager. And it also shocked Foxham-players and former manager John Always. “I didn’t know I was unwanted at club” he said as he ran crying to his Ferrari. “Mea wasa gonna get rid ofs thisa bloodzy moneysucker anyway” said director Frederico Pesetas, which is very happy with his signing.
Stig Bøyle
Daily News
03.06.2005
MR.TOLLEFSRUD SIGNS FOR GOFORD
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For about two hours, Magnus Tollefsrud signed the papers that made him the new manager in Goford.
“The Walks”-fans are very happy with the boards decision. They belive he could bring back some long forgoten triumphs’ to Walkers Stadium.
Now they have a very exciting pre-season ahead.
We wish Mr. Tollefsrud and Goford good luck.
Stig Bøyle
Daily News
01.06.2005
Crazy Norwegian-German bunch buys up Skid City with Deutsche Mark!
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Sometimes business are a strange thing. Yesterday the took-over of the tradition club Skid City was made. Nothing special, but when today the news came that the Norwegian businessman Sætereie together with two Berlin-based friends paid with the old German currency Deutsche Mark (they now have Euros), the whole world of business couldn’t believe either ears or eyes. “This is the biggest fraud in business history!” professor in business at Stanford University, Tom McMoney said. “On paper they did nothing wrong. In the contract it said Deutsche Mark instead of Euros!” The big looser in all this is former Skid City owner 81-year old William Donotough. Family members indicates that he have been “off the record” for a couple of years now, and may have Alzheimer. Sætereie and his German friends are now recond as super-cult people already in the young business-scene.
OTHER NEWS:
David Hightackle returns to British Football!
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Early this morning, Maiden City club director announced that David Hightackle has signed as their new manager for the comming season. The division 2 club has long been looking for renewals when their rival Maiden United made it to the top division last season. Hightackle was unable to comment the announcement, but is probably happy to lead an outsider once more. He recently broke a contract with Lilleborg in Norway.
Goford linked with Magnus Tollefsrud?
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Magnus Tollefsrud has been observed outside Walkers Stadium in Birmingham lately. Some speculators says he is inspecting the work-conditions at Goford. Mr.Tollefsrud was not willing to comment the case, and the Goford director told us once more to f*ck off.
Stig Bøyle
Daily News
26.05.2005
BLACWELL CITY – EUROPEAN KINGS LEAGUE CHAMPIONS
—–
It was a dramatic and stunning game in Turkey this evening.
The European Kings League Final was to be one of the most dramatic finals ever.
Inter Pompei took the lead after only 30 seconds. And after the 1th half, they had increased their lead by two goals, making the half-time score to 3-0.
Everyone thought at that point, that Inter Pompei was the champions.
But Blackwell manager Kevin Knightson probably had some dynamite hidden up his sleeves for the lads in the half time break. It was a totally different team who entered the field for second half.
In only 15 minutes of the second half, Blackwell turned 3-0 to 3-3, while the fans where singing “Up the Blacks” so loud that TV companies had big problems with the wall of sound thundering into their mics.
The match was taken to extra time, where both teams was to tired to produce much creative play. So the game falls to penalties.
The Blackwell keeper, Hainz Stutwecz, saves 2 penalties, and becomes the hero of the night.
Blackwell City wins 3-2 after penalties, leaving Pompei-players crying on playground.
Finally their got their triumph !!!
Chuck Brown
Daily News
21.05.05
LUTHAM FOREST GRAB THE FA CUP TROPHY
——
Lutham Forest won by 4 goals to 0 against Oakwell Forest in todays FA Cup Final.
The Luthers stunned everyone when the match was taken to extra-time. During 5 minutes of the second half of the extra-time they scored 4 goals, leaving Oakwell like a bunch of high-school kids crying on the ground.
“This was a demonstration in effective football. But I wonder why they didn’t do it earlier in the game, so they didn’t have to play the extra-time.” said TV-reporter John Dogherty in SCAB-TV.
Lutham Forest have had a great cup-season this year; reaching the semifinal in the League Cup, and raising the trophy in the FA Cup.
Congratulations!
20.05.05
J.I.COLLINS BECOMES PLAYER-MANAGER IN QUICKFORD
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The negotiations between Collins and Quickford is finalised, and Collins have put pen to paper on a two year deal with the club. Collins was sidelined most of last season in Everilla, and was expected to leave soon. Everilla is paid £ 150 000 in compensation. “A whole new career is in front of me. I can’t wait to get on with it.” said a truely exited Collins to Daily News.
R.SAWER SIGNS FOR TIGERS
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Former Everilla assistant manager James Hardman has began his work at The Zoo. Today he signed R.Sawer from Everilla in a £450 000 deal. Hardman and Sawer got very well along together in Everilla, and now they can continue their realationship in Tigers. “I see pink warning lights. This could be a gay-thing.” said H.Carter to a local newspaper lately. The Everilla-striker got married last weekend, and should know everything about “love in the air”.
Stig Bøyle, Daily News
13.05.05
EVERILLA SIGNS WAYNE YOUNGBLOOD
Maiden United winger Wayne Youngblood was in heavy negotiations with Everilla, Livernal and Northpark City this morning. In the first round of negotiations, the offer from Livernal was turned down. Everilla and Northpark was in for round two; where finally Everilla could put Waynebloods’ demands on the table, and thereby get the signature on a deal worth about £120 000 for Wayneblood. “We knew we had to give him an expencive deal, to get his signature” said manager O’Loyes to Daily News. “Hopefully he will live up to the price”. Everilla are paying Maiden United £2,3M in a six months deal.
Meanwhile J.Richardson signs for Carstone. The 36 year old goalkeeper was placed on the bench for most of the season, and wanted a new challenge. The outcome of two rounds of negotiations this afternoon, was pen to paper on a one-year contract with Carstone in division 2. The Swedish international player is hoping to get a coaching role next season in Carstone. Everilla is given £1,2M for his signature.
11.05.05
S.ALIBAR IN JAIL
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Everilla youthplayer S.Alibar have been cought dealing with drugs. The police arrested him earlier this week in a razia against a local store they had kept an eye on for a long time. S.Alibar was arrested along with 3 other people who all are involved in a small drug-empire in town. Everilla Wanderers Fottball Club have terminated the contract with S.Alibar and banned him forever away from Goodinaux Park. “It’s a scandal. And we won’t tolerate it” said Spokesperson Nadia Naughtie to Daily News, as she wiggeled away in her hot red mini-skirt.
10.05.05
D.FARGO SETTLE FOR HEILHEIM DEAL
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Everilla accepted a £3,5M offer from Heilheim for striker D.Fargo this afternoon.
Fargo have not been the success O’Loyes was hoping for, and he soon indicated that he wanted to leave earlier this season. This means that £2,45M of the transfersum is added to next seasons transferbudget of £10M. And it’s therefor expected that Everilla will be doing some serious shopping during the preseason. Mr.Fargo is very pleased to be playing for such a great european club.
Stig Bøyle, Daily News
05.05.05
EVERILLA NEWS
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From Cyle Behind
Lots of news are spinning around the champions Everilla Wanderers. Chairman Bergesen said: ” We are in an unique position at the moment. We´re champions twice in a row, and now we want to be sucessfull in Europe as well. That meens we have to bring quality players to the club”.
Because of the expantion of Goodinaux Park to a 55.000 seat stadium, the board have only given O´Loyes 10 mill to spend on players. That meens he has to sell to buy, and maybe he won´t be able to compete for the best players.
Transfer reports:
– Everilla, Livernal and Northpark City have all made a bid for Maiden Utd. winger Wayne Youngblood (19). Due to a clause in his contract, Youngblood can leave for 2.3 mill with an offer from Royal League. Everilla reminds favorite to get his signature.
– R. Wilkins Everilla days are over. After spitting at manager O´Loyes on the training ground, he reseved a letter yesterday, saying he should find himself a new club.
– D.Fargo is on the move with offers from Tigers and Heilheim. Everilla refused to do any forms of buisness with Livernal as long as Søren Klype is sponsor. The pirce of Fargo is set at 3.5 mill.
29.04.05
CHAMPIONS !
With a 2-1 victory over Newsham, Everilla have left no doubt. They are still the best team that playes in Royal League. This is Everillas second champion-title in row, and will be noted in the books of Royal League history as a remarkable performance.
Manager Mavid O’Loyes and chairmen Karsten Pedersen and Anders Bergesen, was seen drunk and bragging around about their triumph to everyone in Liverpool later on the same evening. The police finally put an end to their celebration when they threw away their clothes to take a bath in the city-fountain, and had a shit in the mailbox of Woolvich Countys’ manager Ted Taggart.
14.04.05
EVERILLA NEXT SEASON-PLANNING
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Daily News have got confirmed that the Everilla-directors are going to Norway this weekend to plan the next season. Anders Bergesen and Karsten Pedersen have invited the vital part of the club to a meeting in Oslo, were it also will be a small party, to celebrate the great success this season.
Rumors sais that many players will be sold, or released from their contracts, and new faces will turn up.
The new assistant manager Justin Case will also appear in Oslo, to present his view and future goals for the club. Mr. Case is belived to have one of the greatest contact-net in British football, which hopefully will serve Everilla well.
06.04.05
NEW CLUB-RECORD FOR EVERILLA
———-
Everilla proved that they’re unbeatable yesterday, when Livernal was felled with a 1-0 victory.
This makes 8 victories in a row, which is a new club record high for Everilla.
“The team, the fans, the whole club is just amazing” said manager O’Loyes after the match. He was truely shining in happieness.
20.03.05
JAMES HARDMAN JOINS TIGERS
———–
James Hardman have sign a contract as manager for “The Stripes” for a two-year period. As Tigers now are clearly relegated this season, it will be Hardmans challenge to bring the club back in the top division next year. He is very pleased with that challenge, and eagers to get on with his job.
“It’s sad to leave a club like Everilla, but the challenge along with the sallary was an offer I couldn’t reject” said the happy fellow to Daily News.
James Hardman wil be the youngest manager of the two top divisions, only 38 years old.
The contract begins after this season have ended.
Everilla have signed Justin Case as their new assistant manager.
01.03.05
THE FAVOURITE WINS
————
Bedford Athletic – Axis City 2-0
Bedford Athletic showed no mercy as they easily won 2-0 at Millenium Stadium in Sundays Leagucup Final.
The tough attitude resulted in 6 yellow cards for The Beds, but placed The Ax totally sidelined, as they controlled the whole match.
Bedford Athletic could lift the trophy once more, following up their last years succsess in this competition.
Everilla shortnews:
James Hardman is on his way to Tigers as a manager. Mavid O’Loyes is now in talk with Justin Case from Shadwell, as a possible replacement.
13.02.05
COOP IN AMAZING FORM
——–
Number one striker in Everilla, D.Coop, are having his time of life these days. Everything seems to go extremely well.
Manston City was Coops latest victim, as he scored a hattrick against them, and kept Everillas dream of second championship alive.
“Things are good” said Coop to the press. “My private life seems to bloom with my lovely wife. And I enjoy our training sessions.”
Meanwhile youngster Paul Raddock quit his football career at Quickford, as he won 4 million pounds in a lottery.
29.01.05
AMAZING CUP-ROUND
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Everilla Wandereres left no doubt when they beat Oxham Rovers 3-0. Everilla had a bit of changes in their line-up because of injuries.
The games greatest goal came when Hopkins scored from goalkick.
The ball gathered speed in the wind, and flew over the competely stunned Oxham-goalkeeper.
Conference team Plowingham made a great effort against Ramshackle from Division 2, and managed to beat them 2-0.
But the greatest surprise came when Goford managed to loose against Millhampton with a 3-0 result.
That means 2 conference-team have made it through to the 4th round
19.01.05
RIOTS AT MAIDEN STAGE
In the Fa Cup 2nd round replay between the two rivalclubs Maiden City and Pearl Ham bigscale riots broke out.
The two clubs who represent two different religions, gave it all on the pitch as well at the stands.
Police reports 1450 injured people, mostly hardcore hooligans.
On the pitch the referee, Thomas Screech had a busy day, trying to it all out. He showed three red and 11 yellow card before the final whistle went, with the home team winning 5-4 on penalties. It all went off after a murdable tackle in the 2nd minute. Maiden fullback, Willy Willson, planted a two-footed tackle from behind in the calfs of Pearl Hams french striker Jordi Cantina. He was sent two hospital with a emergency helicopter after breaking both legs. Willson was booked. The first half was more like a fight in”Lord of the Rings” that a football game.
In the secondhalf some good football was shown, especially the 2-1 goal from Maiden midfielder Garry Muggleton. He took the ball on volley 35 yards out an dthe ball went screaming in the angel. Maiden went through to the 3rd round, and to the next team to visit Maiden Stage: BEWARE!
10.01.05
LITTLE TOWARDS TIGERS-MOVE?
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by Stig Boyle
Ex-Everilla manager Howard Little is in negotiations with bottom of the table club Tigers.
He left Everilla due to personal problems a year ago, but is now ready to take up his work again.
“Tigers is one of the finest club in British football, it hurts to see them where they are right now”, he said.
Rumors says that also Everilla assistant James Hardman is on the list of the tigers officials.
09.01.05
NO BIG SURPRISES IN THE FA-CUP
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As the full-time-whistles were blown for 2nd round in Royal FA Cup, it came clear that most of the favorites had done their job.
The biggest surprise was Army from 3rd division, who managed to beat Blackwell City 3-2.
Blackwells’ cup-performance have been rather lousy this season.
Bedford Athletic was the greatest favorite, and did no mistakes when they smashed home 5 goals to beat Crushington 5-0.
Everilla won their local derby 2-0 against Woolvich County, and the local derby between Pearl Ham and Maiden City ended 0-0.
06.01.05
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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– With a 3rd position on the table, Everilla have been doing fine during the though program around Christmas.
Now it’s time for the FA-Cup.
– Rumors says that Mavid O’Loyes had an affair with sponsor-chief Lisa Lot around Christmas.
“This is all evil rumors spread by Wolverines-fan, to make us unfocused before the game”, said assistant James Hardman.
“I was at the party where this was supposed to happen. And I can tell you all that Mr. O’loyes was so drunk that he couldn’t stand at his feet. He wasn’t capable of having an affair.”
– Tigers manager Adrian Bingham have been sacked. Tigers are now looking for a new manager.
16.12.04
EVERILLA MEET WOLVERINES IN FA-CLASH
———–
The pull for the Royal FA Cup Second Round was made today.
Everilla will face their neighbour Woolvich County, but that’s not the only local derby in this round.
The two rivals from division 2, Pearl Ham and Maiden City will be a battle of notice.
Also the big conferense-clash between Barton Villa and Tacklebury, will be a significent game.
Bringby Glovers are having one heck of a season. They are through to the Quarter Final in the Royal League Cup,
and are also through to the second round in the Royal FA Cup, and will be facing conferense-struggling Plowingham.
We wish the teams good luck with the competition.
The matches will be played in January.
Tim Bigfish, Daily News
10.12.04
EVERILLA SHORT NEWS
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Everilla manager O´Loyes said yesterday that he might spend some money when the transfer window open in January.
“We need one more quality player, to boost our chancs to win the Championship again”.
Striker Fargo may want to leave the club due to few games. Rivals Livernal and Tigers are reported to be intrested.
H.Carter is having the season of his life. The England international also scores off the pitch.
He announced his engagement with to supermodel Heidi Bum this week. The wedding will take place in the summer break.
R.Sawer might be a beast on the pitch collecting yellow and red cards, but off the pitch he´s collecting and growing plants.
01.12.04
EVERILLA CRUSHED OUT OF ROYAL LEAGUE CUP
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Everilla met Beastham in the 4th round of the Royal League Cup. A meeting that was only comfortable for Beastham,
who smashed home a 5-1 victory with ease. Manager O’Loyes was seen in great anger when leaving the ground. He had no comments.
It still must have been great to see Robert Payne score the only goal for Everilla.
The England International striker seem to be more than just a reserve to O’Loyes, that gave him a chance in the second half.
18.11.04
EVERILLAS’ CHARITY-DEAL
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Just a day after Robert Paynes tragic history was in the newspaper, chairman Anders Bergesen signed him on week-to-week basis, without even manager O´Loyes knowledge. Bergesen said: “I´ve always been an admirer of Payne. He is a worldclass player, he just need to sort himself out. He will practice and play with the reserves to start with, and then we will see what happens”.
Daily News contacted Mavid O´Loyes and told him about Bergesens coup. “Hmm, this is interesting. I don´t feel we need a new striker, but you never know with injuries…”, he said.
Robert Payne was totally happy: “This is my chance! I couldn´t dream of signing for the champions! I rather thought of Oxham Rovers or something. This is fantastic!”
17.11.04
THE FALL OF ROBERT PAYNE
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By Stock Norbert, Daily News
24.06.01: Pressconference at Skid Citys training facilities.
The new arrival England International Robert Payne, 28 has transferred from Blackboys to Skid City for a record £ 10.mill.
Both he and the manager smiles and talk about how Skid City will be the best team in Royal League.
16.11.04: Robert Payne, now 31, leaves the Skid City ground with a transfer release in his briefcase two years before his contract ends.
What happened? After a OK first season for him and Skid City, but still far far away from the expectations, he met met the wall.
After halfway into the second season, he was placed on the bench.
The next season he played only for the reserves, and this season he didn´t even play for the reserves because of good prospects playing at his positions. In an interview he said: ” It was stupid of me to leave Blackboys. This is a footballing nightmare. It can´t go on like this”.
He also mentioned that he got suicidal tendencies, but because of his loved dog, Larsie, he chose to stay alive and fight his way back into football. “The transfer release is like a new beginning for me. I will try to get back in shape and fight for a place in any Royal League team”, he said.
The only question is, who wants him?
The fall of Robert Payne, statistics:
League matches/goals
99-00 Blackboys 37/29 topscorer in Royal League
00- 01 Skid City 35/16 10£mill from Blackboys
01-02 Skid City 22/4
02-03 Skid City 4/0
03-04 Skid City 0/0
04-05 Skid City 0/0
Released on a free transfer
16.11.04
BLACKWELL STUMBLE IN ROYAL LEAGUE-CUP
————
Everilla perfectly crushed Blackwell City tonight with amazingly four goals to nil.
That was the third round in the Royal League-cup which was played today.
One of the biggest surprise came from Ammunition Park, where 3rd division side Gunwall managed to make a fool of a highly rated Tigers team.
The result at full time was 4 – 1, with a crowd of nearly 2000 going absolutely mad.
Five matches ended with a draw, and a replay for these games will be played next week.
12.11.04
SØREN KLYPE HITS BACK !
————–
Hummel boss Søren Klype hits back on the Everilla owners Anders Bergesen and Karsten Pedersen.
Klype, the former sponsor of EWFC, was kicked out as Nike came with an massive sponsor-offer before this season.
Now he´s sponsoring Livernal, the current leader of Royal League.
Klype was recorded in the London disco “K2”, on Saturday saying: “Who laughs now?… Those two Norwegian bastards, I hate them… hey, another martini…uh, baby that´s nice…” Søren Klype had no comment to this case.
Tim Bigfish, Daily News
31.10.04
ANOTHER WIN FOR EVERILLA
————-
There’s no doubt that Everilla will compete for the league-title again this season.
After beating promoted Quickford 2-0 at Goodineux, the club holds a nice 5th place at the table.
” The players have shown a lot of great attitude, through the difficult start-period we were in.
And we now have a greater confidence.” said coach Luke Nukem to the local paper yesterday.
Despite good results there’s been rumors about players leaving the club. R.Wilkins is said to be transferred at the end of the season.
So is also the Frenchman C.Galà. And B.Dyer is said to have a conflict with manager O’Loyes, that gives him an unsure future.
Coach Luke Nukem
19.10.04
THE KINGS LEAGUE DISASTER
————
With 2 players sent off, Everilla continue their poor performance in Europe. After taking the lead against Jodel Tirol,
players started to loose their heads, results in two red cards and a 3-1 loss. Manager O’Loyes wouldn’t comment the situations,
but there’s no doubt that Everillas debut in the Kings League is nothing else that a big disaster.
“I hope they’ll never play in Kings League again, ever”, said Heilheim manager Kurtz to a German newspaper.
29.09.04
HARD TO WIN IN EUROPE
————-
UEFA gave Everilla a 0-3 loss in penalty along with a big fee.
This week Everilla lost 4-2 to Bento in their second match of the competition.
“This is new to us, and we cannot expect to be successful in our first European experience in long time” said assistant James Hardman.
We still hope Everilla will receive some points in this competition soon. Nothing is settled yet.
19.09.04
IMPRESSIVE EVERILLA
————-
3 wins in row for Everilla!!
Craig Duffey on loan from Dunton United have been a great success in the midfield for Everilla.
“This is more like it. I believe we’ll be a greater threat to anyone now”, said coach Alex Reeves to the press.
16.09.04
EVERILLA EUROPEAN MATCH ABANDONED
—————
Yesterdays match against Vanjax ended in a disaster.
After the first half, the match was abandoned, because the referee was hit by something thrown from the crowd.
TV pictures showed referee Anders Frisk bending to his knees as blood poured from a wound in the middle of his forehead after he was struck by what appeared to be a cigarette lighter at the end of the first half, moments after sending off Everilla’s defender N.King for kicking Vanjax striker Vaan Lakeritz.
Frisk needed medical attention to the wound, and after a 40 minute delay, it was announced over the Goodinaux loudspeaker the match was being abandoned.
“The referee decided to suspend the match first because he was seriously hurt, and second because he says that his safety – and the safety of his assistants and the fourth man – cannot be guaranteed,” a UEFA official told reporters.
Television pictures showed a bearded fan in a black T-shirt throwing an object towards the referee, but it was unclear whether that was the object that hit the 41-year-old Swede.
Everilla will facing severe penalties from UEFA after this game.
12.09.04
GLORY GLORY EVERILLA !!
—————-
Everilla fans where witness to a sensational match at Westhampon yesterday.
It was an explosive demonstration in effective attacking football from an everilla-side that looked totally unbeatable.
The Westhampton fans thought this could be an easy game against a struggling team. But they got terribly wrong.
It all began just after 3 minutes, when Coop hammered in 1-0.
And only 13 minutes later H.Carter followed up with 2-0. Then Coop again smashed home 3-0 only 3 minutes later.
The Westhampton-side was in totally shock and had to reorganize their defence-line.
That put a stopper to the very aggressive Everilla attackers.
But midway through the second half, Coop again found a way to the net, to complete his hattrick.
The match ended 4-0, and the wind of change may finally have arrived for Everilla.
03.09.04
STRUGGLING EVERILLA
—————-
After 6 league-games are Everilla struggling at an embarrassing 17th place on the table.
While clubs like Oxham Rovers and Livernal are battling for the championship,
the Wanderers find themselves in the middle of nowhere, soon battling to avoid the relegation zone.
Assistant manager James Hardman are getting worried. “Many of the players are not playing to their full potential” he said.
“I believe the motivation are hard to find after last years success.
We have always been slow starters, but I think we should have been placed amongst the 10 first clubs on the table.”
If the lack of results continue, the blame will be on manager O’Loyes, and the wind of change will probably carry him away.
31.08.04
EVERILLA-MASCOT COMES TO LIFE
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It’s been said that the marketing office at Everilla FC have been working a lot lately.
According to the latest results, the club needs something to turn around the winning luck.
As a part of this, the club wants to improve facilities that can cheer up fans and players,
to work together and obtain the winning spirit once again.
First of all you have to get ready to be “gomped”
The Gomp have come to life in many varieties and will be seen all over in many different ways.
“This shall be a mascot everyone can reflect them selves in” said the chief of marketing, Ben Boner.
23.08.04
EVERILLA LOOSE AGAIN!
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Everilla lost their second away game of the 04/05 season. “This is not what we expected”, said chairman Anders Bergesen.
“At home we have shown one good match, but the three others were horrible.
This reminds me of my early days at Svene IL (a Norwegian team), we were good at home but lost everything away!”.
“It can´t go one like this, something must happen!”
Daily News has heard rumors that the coaching style of O´Loyes is not accepted by all the players.
O´Loyes said: “It´s a long season. It´s normal to have a few ups and downs at the start of the season, but we will stabilize soon”.
If that doesn´t happen. What WILL happen????
18.08.04
EVERILLA READY FOR EUROPEAN KINGS LEAGUE
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The draw for European Kings League was today.
Everilla will be playing in group B along with Bento, Vanjax and Jodel Tirol.
“This is a seriously hard group for us”, said chairman Pedersen.
“Both Bento and Vanjax have been extremly well the latest seasons. But I belive we can survive Jodel Tirol”.
Here is the rest of the groups:
Group A: Lego Warzawi, Brasov, Heilheim, Real Naranja
Group B: Everilla Wanderers, Bento, Vanjax, Jodel Tirol
Group C: NSB Inhabil, Prahaha, Madridas, Köben IK
Group D: Inter Pompei, Hamstadt, St. Provance, Villa Melona
Group E: Alpenheim, Banja Luka, Lilleborg, Blackwell City
Group F: Otranto, Krutt Sofia, IFK Stockgaarden, Barbarei
Group G: Anderloo, Dunton United, Stalin, Duggur
Group H: Doro Split, Bayerburg, Eifel Paris, Kiev Olga
13.08.04
EVERILLA SPEND SOME CASH
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Everilla-board have decided to spend some cash on training-facilities.
“This will be very usefull to our youths.” said a pride chairman Bergesen to the press.
Most of the equipment in the gym will be upgraded, and some extra space will be created.
It is also said that a relax-room will be buildt, so the players can calm down after a match.
Everilla are also preparing a change of seats at Goodinaux.
07.08.04
EVERILLA LOOSE OPENING MATCH!!!
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Everilla lost the opening game of the season to a fiery Skid City side.
Altough in chances the game was even, the lack of anything constructive in midfield was Everillas big problem.
Also the search of a new midfield general was not so easy.
Inter Bombesas, Fransesco Grotti deal seemed to go throgh, but after a meeting in England under heavy weather condition the player refused the lucrative offer.
That meens O´Loyes has only signed two players this season:
P. Batterhead (£2,5m) and the norwegian midfielder Svein Tore Kristiansen (£0,5m) from Svolvær IL.
In a battling game, Skid City scored two late goals to bring home the three points.
14.07.04
NORWEGIAN 3.DIV PLAYER FOR EVERILLA?
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By Chuck Brown, Daliy News
Everilla have taken Svolvaer ILs Svein Tore Kristiansen on trail.
He will play the second half against he scottish side Glenfidish today. He was the man of the match against EWFC at the Svolvær cup.
“He played a very good game against us, ripping our midfield apart. He´s quick and have a very good stamina.
We decided to have a closer look at him over a period of one week”, said O´Loyes.
Everilla have to act fast because norwegian champions Lilleborg is also reported to be intrested in his signature…
Kristiansen himself said to the local newspaper “Svolværposten”:
“It would be a dream to play in the Royal League, but I will miss the fish-smell here in Svolvær…)
13.07.04
EVERILLA PROMOTE YOUTH PLAYERS
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Everilla officials confirmed yesterday that they provide five prospects to the Pro-squad.
These are: Striker WAYNE ROCKSON (18), Central/Left Midfielder FRANK DALEY (18),
Goalkeeper TIM WHITEFORD (19), Left-back SCOTT ALIBAR (19), and Midfielder DAVID HICKSON (18).
Manager Moyes said: “These are all very talented players, but the´re only at the beginning of their careers so many things can happen.
They are used to be the stars at junior level, but now the situation has changed. It´s tough, and only the best will make it”.
Goalkeeperprospect Tim Whiteford has already signed a 3-month loandeal with 3.div. team Loveford to gain playing experience.
“We want to keep and develope our youth players, but we also need worldclassplayers to make things work fast.
We´re on the search first of all in midfield, but we would like to add our attack with a new face”.
“We want to win the title and play an important role in europe this season”, Moyes said.
Goal are high, but can they get the players to fit the bill?
09.07.04
EVERILLA PRE-SEASON
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The last round in Svolvær Cup 2004 has been played.
Tromsing – Everilla Wan. 0 – 0
Svolvær IL – Glimtvis 0 – 1
For detail; please go to our fixture-page
With these results Everilla Wanderers are champions of Svolvær Cup 2004
08.07.04
J.R. Phillips at mental hospital!
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After a disaster preformance against the norwegian 3.div. team Svolvær IL,
J.R. Philips was so depressed that he served a mental breakdown.
He has to spend the next week in the mental institution Reitgerde at Lier in Southern Norway.
Manager O´Loyes said: “Phillips has to sort himself out. He´s been the scapegoat of the press a long time, and that hurts…”
06.07.04
EVERILLA PRE-SEASON
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The next round in Svolvær Cup 2004 has been played.
Tromsing – Svolvær IL 0 – 1
Everilla Wan. – Glimtvis 4 – 0
For details; please go to our fixture-page
05.07.04
NEW RANKING RELEASED!!!!
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Royal League ALL-TIME RANKING:
Top 5:
1. Northpark City 366p
2. Stonecastle 317p
3. Newsham 313p
4. Everilla Wan. 311p
5. Blackwell City 296p
03.07.04
EVERILLA PRE-SEASON
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First matches in Svolvær Cup 2004 is played.
Svolvær IL – Everilla Wand. 0 – 0
Glimtvis – Tromsing 0 – 1
For details; please go to our fixture-page
01.07.04
This is a headline from a Norwegian newspaper, for those who understand Norwegian:
NEWS LINE: Svolværposten
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av Kim Roger Eliassen
Store nyheta her i nord! Royal League Champions Everilla Wanderers kjem tel Svolær for å forbrede sæ Tel ny sesong!
Svolvær-gutan skal møte dei 2. Juli. Da ska dei faen mei få sjå ka mannfolk e!!!
Bilætta kan kjøpes hos “Are Bakken Kiosk og mer” på hjørnet i Storgata. Are glæder seg!
The article says something about showing Everilla what a man really is… spooky
27.06.04
EVERILLA PRE-SEASON
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Everilla will be traveling to Norway to participate in Svolvær Cup 2004.
They will meet 3 Norwegian teams in a competition that lasts for 1 week.
Tromsing, Glimtvis and Svolvær IL will be the other competitors.
25.06.04
EVERILLA PLAYER SCORES IN EURO 2004
Everillaplayer H.Carter knocks the ball home for England against Portugal.
The game ended 2-2 and was taken to penalties.
Carter scored again from the spot, but Butthead and Weasel missed for England.
Portugal won the shoot-out.
10.06.04
LATEST EVERILLA-TRANSFERS
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Winger A.Webster is sold to Tigers in a £1M – deal.
Midfielder N.S.Watson is released on a free transfer.
Defender D.Mills is sold to Gunwall in a £20,000 – deal
01.06.04
EVERILLA PLAYERS TO BE SEEN IN EURO 2004
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Defender R.Hart and striker H.Carter is taken into the England Euro 2004 – squad
“A great honor for me” said Carter, who have been Everillas super-sub this season, scoring 9 goals
25.05.04
EVERILLA SIGNS TALENT
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It was clear, earlier this morning, that Everilla have signed Foxham defender Paul Batterhead in a £ 2,5 M deal.
Batterhead is a regular U-21 player for England, and with an age of 20 he still have many years to look forward to.
“We needed a reinforcement in our defence-line” was the only comment from O’Loyes
17.05.04
Beastham are FA-cup champions with an easy 2-0 victory against Newborough. Beastham will be one of the main challengers for the League-title the comming season.
League Champions
2003/2004
06.05.04
Even that the last league-game isn’t played, there’s no doubt. Everilla Wanderers are the Champs’. After Stonecastle lost 1-4 against Foxham this Wednesday, they also lost the opportunity to grab the title. Everilla are 5 points ahead before the last round on Sunday. Rumors said that Mr. Pedersen and Mr. Bergesen was seen totally drunk, staggering around in the streets, while singing football-songs….
Congratulations Everilla !!!!
28.04.04
RACE FOR THE TITLE
During last weekend it came clear that no one can beat Everilla or Stonecastle in the race for the league-title. Blackwell had to win to theoretically compete with the two other teams for the championship. With only 3 games left Everilla lead the division by 2 points ahead of Stonecastle, so the last few games will be a nerve-wracking experience for the club.
Can Everilla get the championship !??
13.04.04
DIRECTORS STATEMENT
BergesenPedersen
“Dear all Everilla-fans! This has been a great season for us. We have fought with the best teams about the championship the whole year. And because of that we have decided to give a statement at the very close end of the season. We don’t know where it ends, but we know this is the most successful season for us in a long time. Because of this, we have a higher interest for the club than ever. And the economy is very strong. Therefor we have decided to use a large amount of cash for transfers in front of the next season. Scouts have already been sent out, and many names will be linked with Everilla in the future.
We will also spend a lot of cash on the facilities on the ground. Goodineux will probably be presented with a new look at the beginning of the next season. Thanks! Up the Wanders!”
28.03.04
EVERILLA BACK ON WINNING TRACK!
Fargo gets his breakthrough!
With the new boss, Mavid O’Loyes on the bench, Everilla put on a good display, ending with a 1-0 victory over Foxham after two defeats in a row. Now they top the table on goal difference to Stonecastle. It certainly looks like it will be a two horse race for the championship.
Everillas goal came on 45 minutes. A long ball from R. Sawer sent youngster Fargo on the journey. With his electric pace, he had now trouble to outrun the Foxham defense before chipping the frustrated goalkeeper.
The second half was controlled, and J. Richardson took care of the few chances The Foxes got. The biggest surprise on the evening came in the Everilla lineup. The veteran striker J.Downs was placed on the bench, and youngster Fargo lined up alongside star-striker Duncan Coop. And he didn´t disappoint the fans. Win the winning goal and a stunning display, he earned himself the “Man of the Match”- champagne.
21.03.04
MAVID O’LOYES SIGNS FOR EVERILLA!!!
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NSB Inhabils manager Mavid O’Loyes has signed a four-year deal with Everilla Wanderers. Caretaker- and former assistant manager James Hardman did not convince Everilla owners Pedersen and Bergesen after he led the team to one victory and two loss in the short spell of three weeks.
“We needed an experienced manager who has proven himself”, Bergesen said. “O´Loyes is the perfect man for the club. He has von titles with his former clubs, had European experience and is known for a cool head in difficult situation both on and off the pitch”. “We know this man can bring the glory back to Goodinaux Park!” O´Loyes former club NSB Inhabils are current 1st in the Dutch Premiership, with a 10 point lead.
One of the main arguments O´Loyes had for leaving, was the lack of challenge. “It wasn´t really fun anymore. Just a couple of games were interesting because you didn´t know if you´d win or loose, but mostly the only question was: By how many goals do we win today?” “Everilla was a big opportunity for me. England is the hardest and best place to be as a manager, and Everilla is fighting for the League title, so I just couldn´t say no!”
O´Loyes will lead the training the coming week after James Hardman lead Everilla to another loss this Saturday with 0-1 against Newsham…. If O’Loyes starts with winning next week, Howard Little will soon be forgotten… and the team-spirit surely will raise
Stig Boyle, Daily News
17.03.04
NEW MANAGER CANDIDATE
Rumors says that Everilla Wanderers are chasing NSB Inhabils’ Mavid O’Loyes as a new manager. O’Loyes have earlier won the French league with Eiffel Paris, but is at the moment manager for the strong Holland club NSB Inhabil.
It was during training yesterday his name came up in a discussion caretaker James Hardman had with the press.
Everilla lost 2-1 to a weak Manston side on Saturday, and much of the great spirit we have seen earlier is lacking. It’s therefor all reasons to believe that new blood is welcome in the manager chair.
We have been unable to get O’Loyes comment in this case.
Tim Swinnson, Daily News
08.03.04
EWFC PLAYERS SHOW STRENGTH!
Everilla beat Beastham 3-1 at Goodinaux Park on Sunday after a brilliant display only days after manager Howard Little resigned due to personal problems. Assistant coach James Hardman was on the bench as caretaker manager.
Everilla created several good chances in the first half with Duncan Coop hitting the post twice. But as the referee blew the half-time whistle it was still scoreless.
The Everilla fans were happy with their teams performance, chanting their old mangers name trough the whole 45 minutes.
The second half started with joy. freekick from the left, and Everilla captain Nigel King headed home. 1-0! Two minutes later, King added another one with a screaming 30 yards freekick. In the dying minutes of the game, Duncan Coop made it 3-0 with a left footed shot after a nice build up. Beastham pulled one back on a penalty after Watson handballed in the box, but it no one really bothered.
Everilla continue with brilliant football under caretaker boss Hardman.
Also with a new manager in charge?
03.03.04
EWFC MANAGER LITTLE RESIGNS!!!
It could have been so sweet. Everilla has just signed a massive sponsor deal with Nike, the are at top of the table and even the weather has been good the last couple of weeks in mid-England.
But then, the shock.
Manager Little leaves the training ground around 7 pm after a two-hour meeting with Everilla owners Pedersen and Bergesen. Then the press-message: “Howard Little has, due to private problems resigned as manager for Everilla Wanderers Football Club. We deeply regret and respect his decision”. Anders Bergesen and Karsten Pedersen, EWFC So what now? Is this the end of the glory days of Everilla? Or did Little have another reason to leave? We will promise to get the truth to the public!
Tim Swinnson, Daily News
28.02.04
Daily News
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EVERILLA LAUNCH NEW HOME AND AWAY KIT FOR 2004/2005
Directors Anders Bergesen and Karsten Pedersen proudly presented the new designs for the Everilla strip for next season. “We thought the old designs looked a bit old, although they have brought us luck for the past seasons” (EWFC finished 3rd and 5th the last two seasons), Karsten Pedersen said.
“We have also signed a deal with NIKE for 5 years”, Anders Bergesen added. The deal with the sport-giants NIKE is to be worth around 80 million pounds.
That means Bergesen and Pedersen break with current sponsor Hummel after 10 years cooperation. “This is a sad day for us”, Hummel boss Søren Klype said. “But I am really pissed about the way it happened! We had agreed about a new deal, but it seemed Bergesen and Pedersen had other plans! I will ever put my foot inside Goodinaux Park again and I have already deleted their telephone numbers in my laptop!”, Klype said. Hummel is reported to sponsor Everilla rival and last years Champions Livernal for the next years. “I will have the last laugh, when the Championship trophy is lifted by a Livernal-player in a Hummelshirt!”, Klype said followed by a hysteric mean laughter.
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